The purpose of a blog seems weird. I mean, it's not like I'm communicating something important to someone - it's usually more of an outlet for verbally-unsaid words. If I had some kind of a forum or online cult group going on, a blog could be justified, but for someone as socially detached as me, it's just not logical. Well, as a wise man put it: "The universe is completely illogical".
It is a frequent concern of mine that I have at least two fundamentally distinct personalities. One of them is a lazy putz who doesn't give a damn about himself, or anything else for that matter. He does not love and he does not hate. He fancies experiment, randomness, and being different. He simply is, and expects to be left alone. The other is a devoted perfectionist with intense feelings and self-goals, who in a high can spend days and nights realizing his own activities, usually for the sake of improvement of himself or for the sake of others. It is only during these last periods that I feel that life is not a stupid, senseless thing.
The latter personality, unfortunately, does not appear so frequently, and seems to be coming up less every time. It is an emotional state that I cannot force upon myself, and it can only endure when I actually have a goal in my life. And usually, my goal is null. This may be because of the "young adult crisis" I've heard about. It's about a person feeling lost and anxious when he comes out of school, and has no idea how to be a part of the "real world". Well, damn education, it's all the system's fault.
Coming to the point, this blog entry does have a purpose, though it may be unusual and wanton. Most of you, maybe all of you, probably only know my "lazy putz" self. I require a certain level of trust for me to show my latter personality to someone else. If you would for some reason wish to see me as such, please say so. Say "I'd like to see the latter", and I'll do my best to comply. This would give me the "trust push" I need. And I assure you: you'll certainly find my second personality much more interesting.
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