Celebration

We live to celebrate what is possible.
Purpose is one perspective, as itself is an ascribed meaning.
The experience is the celebration
and thank you
oh thank you life
for I lay naked tonight and feelings of peace arise from the center.
trust envelops my inside as light does my outside
to flow as water
to melt as air

Intention seeks
unfolding
may the layers allow
with grace
in flow
in love

Weave

In a bold display of passion
Did our bodies weave our skin
Scending sheets around its muscles
Gentle folds 'tween eyes and chin
Within it, houses wonders
Joys, attractions, fear, trust
All of it is there to play with
And yet none of it we must
Tis a soft, allowing story
When one merely feels it so
For beneath the layers of what-if
Sings an ever dance of Flow.

mess

there's a mess on the table
there's a mess in the kitchen
there's a mess on the bed
there's a mess in my heart
there's a song in my heart
there's a song in my body
threre's a tingling in my body
felt and listened
it feels tender
open channel now leads to space
she is elsewhere
trust, body. tender is true
your yearning is listened,
it's always right here
right here with you
the feelings you've savored
they're inside you still
we and her, we shared it
now the air feels still.
a time for the silence
lets high waves splash through
they roll me and twirl me
I know I keep true.

body just found some rest, and
heart just encountered still.
time to clean up.

Der Baum

Der Baum steht stolz auf jenem Feld
er zeigt seine grüne Blätter
er tanzt doch täglich mit sanftem Wind
spürt lieblich Sommerwetter

Die Tagen werden langsam kurz
der warmer Wind wird kälter
seine Zweigen tanzen, strecken stark,
der Baum fühlt sich noch stärker

Ein Tag spürt er einen feuchten Schlag,
dann zehn, dann tausend mehr.
vollbedeckt im Himmelwasser,
Zweigen, Blätter spürte er schwer.

Die Wurzeln tranken völlig,
dann waren sie ganz voll.
Der Kalt drang durch die dünne Blätter
das fühlte weniger toll

Der nächster Morgen, Sonne auf,
gelindert, seufzte Baum
dann überraschte er an sich selbst,
ihre Westblätter waren gelb-braun!

Das schönes Grün hatte abgerutscht
ins Regen, letzte Nacht!
waren auch nicht so leise mehr,
der Himmel hat schlechtes gebracht!

"Möchte Wind wieder tanzen?
Würde er grüner werden?
Ah, Schande hat an mir gekommt!
könnte ich diese Nacht nicht vermeiden?"

Noch Tagen kamen wieder,
und gingen, regelnd so.
Der Wind spielte gern mit Baum,
obwohl die Braune tanzte nicht so froh.

Der Regen kam lang nicht mehr,
noch Baum verändert wieder.
Die Ostblätter wurden rot gemacht,
und Orange, die so, nieder!

Schneller ein Bißchen trockener
und die Winde, täglich kalt.
Die seltsame Blätter fielen aus
ah, er fühlte sich so alt!

Jedes Blatt gehörte ihm,
Baum glaubte, es war ganz schlicht.
und jedes Blatt der fielte meinte,
er war jetzt dieses nicht.

Einige Fallen bringen dumpfen Schmerz,
andere sind ganz Scharf,
Es ist jetzt gut, wenn Regen kommt,
denn weinen Baum dann darf.

Das stattliche grüne jetzt weg,
kaum hielte er braune Blätter.
Fürchtig, ohne ihnen wäre er nackt,
in kahlem, kalten Wetter.

So traurig fühlte sich seiner Saft,
"Was mache ich, ohne Farben?
Kaum bleibe ich mich warm genug,
soll ich nur ewig trauren?"

Die Zweigen jetzt, durch scharfem Wind
Wege der Zweigen durch den Wind
tanzen nicht, sie beschweren.
"Du brachtest Regen, solchem Kalt!
und meine Blätter willst du noch abheben!"

Schwächer wurde zarter Baum,
sogar als abnehmender Sonne.
Niedergelegen, nach schrecklichem Leben,
Tod kann nicht schlechter kommen.

Fiel weißes Wasser, dick und schwer,
hart auch, grabähnlich Eis.
Das letztes, dass Baum gedacht hat:
Für Leben ist Elend Preis.

Welle der Kälte später
blieb noch die Schnee und Eis.
Kaum sichtbar, wurde Himmel leichter,
stet folgte er seinen Kreis.

Schmelze fiel wie Sonnenregen,
Es prickelte Zweigen, Stamm.
Schrittweise, nach dem dunklen Traum
erwacht sah Baum sich an.

Nackt wie er nackt sein könnte
nur Astbraun, alle um.
Kein Blatt, keine Farbe, kein Gefühl,
Nur Stille, ganz und stumm.

Die Welt, Raum neu und leer,
Kaum Schatten vor dem Traum.
Kaum konnte er sich glauben,
so lebend, unser Baum.

Das Licht kam langsam wärmer
die Sappe wurde so auch
und unbewusst, und ungefragt,
wuchsen drinnen Farben und Gestalt.

Die Wunden, noch da übrig
sie kitzeln stark, obwohl klein.
Verlangen auf den Wind lebt wahr,
sie wollen Blätter sein.

Und draußen kamen Formen,
Farben der Baum wusst' nicht.
Er spürte sie in dunkler Nacht,
sah sie hell, beim Tageslicht.

Empfindungen entdeckte er neu,
Wind, Vögel, Mond, und Sonne.
Bei Wachstum fühlte Baum Lust
selbst drückte aus mit Wonne.

Jetzt tanzt Baum freudig wieder,
er ist, wie nur er kann.
Möge der Baum sein' Traum vertrauen,
es gibt's nur so daran.

Mandelmuß

Man nimmt Mandelnuß
macht Mandelmuß
so man nicht muss
wohl man hat Lust
denn Mandelmuß
macht viel Genuß
nicht Honigsüß
noch Mandelsüß
schmeckt wie ein Kuß
von Kopf zu Fuß
Danks Mandelmuß

Tile floor

Day by day.
Play.

Play I feel today. This morning, rocky, sharp, aching. An early yoga wakeup led way to a time of... showing.

This morning I came back to the room, and she inspired such sweetness in me. As we greeted good morning and I held her with affection, my emotions stirred. A tile let out a sordid whisper from the ground, the underground: "we're still here. it still hurts. show us. please."

And that I did today. We held a space of sharing. I opened and shared. She pointed out to say what I said without smiling, and as soon as that happened, I realized my smile was the anchor that was keeping them... tamed. My emotions tamed. Powerful. I had not known. As with my overexcitement during budding relationships, I covered my entire personality in smiles at all times, and it covered my sadness and hurt just like a tile floor over my... shadow. Shadow :0

Space and care and massage. Thank Us <3

Räumlich

Sept 9
Viel Zeit, seit ich letzte lang geschrieben habe.

geschroben
geschreben
geschruben
geschraben
schrab
schrob
schrub
schrib

Deutsch ist nett, obwohl oft planlos.

So wie die anderen Sprachen.
Vielleicht nicht so viel die wie Java, C++, Python. Aber sie scheinen bestimmt farbloser als die altere, mündlich übermittelt Sprachen. Wie sagt man "lustig" in Java?
Ernährung
Schön
Abenteuer
Mehrdeutigkeit
Gemütlich
Erfahrung
Ansehen

Ich finde ebenfalls Deutsch relativ genau. Die Wörter und Wortteile behalten zwischen ihnen Beziehungen, die noch heute über ihre Ursprünge zeigen und hallen, gestartet seit Jahrhunderte weg. Solche Muster finde ich spannend.

Bestimmt finde ich Deutsch räumlich. Es benutzt Raum, um die meistens Bedeutungen auszudrücken. Ich finde diesen Ausschnitt unterschiedlich von anderen Sprachen, die ich schon kenne. Ein Wort von meinen Lieblingen:

Wahrnehmung. Das Nehmen des Wahres. Es gibt Wahre. Und wir nehmen den. Schlicht. Ich finde dieses einfaches Wort eine gute Beschreibung des halben unserer Erfahrung, der Eingabe.

Die Ausgabe ist Wahl. Ein verbundenes Wort ist doch Entscheidung. Scheidung bedeutet zu trennen, zwei teilen zu verschieden. "Ent" präfixiert ein Wort um das Gegenteil zu bedeuten. Wenn "scheiden" trennt, "entscheiden" vereinigt. Es macht zusammen. Was macht es zusammen? Möglichkeiten. Es gibt unendliche Möglichkeiten in jedem Moment, und wir sind unbedingt gezwungen, von allen ihnen, nur eine zu wählen.

"Scheide" finde ich interessant. Ein anderes Wort für Vagina. Ist es so, weil man die findet, nur wenn die Beinen der Frau getrennt sind? Auch bedeutet es das Haus für den Schwert. Man könnte heldenhafte Bilder darüber vorstellen.

"Einfach". Wörtlich, ein Fach. Über ein Thema. Nicht zwischen mehr Fächer verwickelt. Nur einer. Scheint genug simpel.

"Entwickeln". Wickeln meint etwas zu rollen, zu drehen, zu packen. Entwickeln bedeutet sein Gegenteil. Zu öffnen, zu wachsen. Wie eine Blume. Von Samen zu Verwirklichung.

"Beziehung". Ziehen bedeutet, eine Kraft in der Richtung der Macher auszuüben. "Be", ein Präfix der bedeutet Gleichmaß, Nähe. Beziehung ist nur Ziehen zwischen mehrere Wesen. Wenn die Kräfte Ziehen sind, sie bleiben für etwas Zeit stet. Wie Personen. Wie Atome. Wie Planeten. Wie Wörter. Es gibt "etwas", diese Kraft, dass hält sie zusammen.

"Bewegung" finde ich schön. Weg, eine Linie, eine Reihenfolge der Richtungen. Eine Reise durch Raum. Be-weg-en. Nah dem Weg zu sein. Welche Weg? Irgendwelche. Das Ändern der Stellung, alle der Stellungen, ist mit Wegen verbunden. Dieser Begriff finde ich nah zur Natur.

"Um". Am Perimeter. Auch um Zweck anzumerken benutzt. Ich fand komisch, dass das selbe Wort ist für Stellung und für Zweck benutzt. Warum? Kann die Ursache des etwas auch mit Stellung beschreibt werden?

Vielleicht. Was ist ein Grund? Der ist etwas, der etwas anders schafft. Und wo sind alle Dinge erschafft? Drinnen. Immer drinnen. Wie Personen haben drinnen Gefühle, die Absichten schaffen, die Aktionen schaffen. Wie Eltern Zygote schaffen, die bis Kinder und andere Personen entwickeln. Ein Ding wird *drinnen* erschafft, und das macht was um es ist, ihren Grund.

"Wieder". "Wie" "der". Eine Beschreibung, für das, dass "wie" "dem" anderen Ding ist. Ein Ding, aber noch einmal. Wieder. Einfach :)

Und so weiter. Vielleicht schreibe ich mehr Wörter/Muster hier, wenn ich sie finde oder mich erinnere. Ah, "erinnern". "Innern" zu machen. Etwas von der Welt "drinnen" zu werden. Das ist wirklich, was eine Reminiszenz ist: ein Teil der Welt, drinnen dem Erinnerer. Ganz bemerkenswert.

Oct 16
Eingebung. Was es drinnen gibt. Und dass kann man, wenn gewollt, ausdrücken.

Eindeutigkeit: eine Deutung. Zweideutungkeit/Mehrdeutungkeit: mehrere Deutungen! So einfach. Wenn es nur eine Deutung gibt, ist Meinung, Deutung, sicher. Wenn es mehrere Deutungen gibt, Sicherheit ist zwischen ihnen geteilt, und dann ist keine sicher. Deutung :)

Oct 23
Ablenkung. Eine Lenkung ab der Richtung. Welche Richtung? Die, die man hatte. Man hat eine Richtung, und dann lenkt die Richtung ab. Ab der gemerkte Richtung. Nach woanders in der breiter, reicher Welt.

Laughter

Feeling of something missing
Feeling of nostalgia
Feeling of not enough
Song comes along. It says "it was a great time."
Song resonates.
What made it a great time?
What do I seek?
Which world state do I aim towards?
I notice I feel no aim.
I infer world is open. I am open. I open.
Knot unties, releases.
Laughter comes, is felt.
Dissolving ambiguity.

Request

As I lie here, I ask you, mind,
not with an attitude unkind,
within you a quiet space to find,
and settle for the night.

Your energy is quite well-noted
I sense the ideas you have coated,
at sleep time, they make head feel bloated.
Could you please give up the fight?

I feel your willingness to make,
to jump through concepts, to create,
world, epics, plays, like William Blake,
yet nighttime now it is.

And though to you I may succumb,
and probably have a lot of fun
tomorrow body might feel dumb,
experience shows me this.

You're orbiting 'round Pegasi,
chanting its melody with glee.
And yet, it's 1:33,
and I'll get up at 5.

A yoga class has caught my feels,
you like the stretches on my heels,
so please I ask, defer your thrills,
I'd like to rest and sleep.

I'll kiss you all around good night,
will cradle you, gentle and light,
these verses just perhaps might
warm you up before dreams creep.

Oh yes, I know, we've shifted place
three hours forth the clock has phased
and body still feels in earlier space
Our ticks have not yet synced.

Yet habit happens through a will
I know it, yet I find it uphill,
how to preserve one's psyche still
when mind just loves to think.

My dear mind, I trust you so
I keep writing this, and let it go.
yet later, as you well know,
I'd like body to feel well.

And with last verse, I bid to you,
a hearty hug, a warm adieu,
your spirit is noble and true,
so I cast this sleep spell.

Glad

And the feeling of inside
beats with the drums of the outside
shakes and rides the waves around
that splash me
seduce me
uplift me
refuse me
coarse through me
when I let them in
when I forget
shed
the times when flow was scary and it hurt
when within me
it is of me
it is me
it plays a song in my heart
to which I dance
glad
self
glad

Objective

Objective is constriction of flow onto a single direction. Like guiding all flow onto a single pipe. Like pressing thumb against end of hose boosts pressure. It projects all energies unto the single dimension that achieves it. Sole focus on an objective disregards, projects other dimensions.

Constrictions, guidance, projection are part of the flow, dance. Oft-repeated constriction congeals such pattern, such that expected feeling is constriction. Lack of constriction can lead one to feel lost, to seek purpose. "What to do? What to do?" What to constrict? What to focus on?"

Whom are we asking? Who chooses? Who dances?

Tis dance. Allowed flow evokes delightful friction as Time flower gently unfolds. Notice. Feel.

Attention

"Pay attention".

Attention delights to have a target.

Mine, today, wanders.

Seeks a target.

Some of it wants to wander. To soften from a long trip.
Part of me aims to harness it. When I attempt it, it feels tired. So I release it.

Notice - where does attention gravitate to?

• Facebook. Direct conversations. "Completing" the unread feeds. Like itches that get ever stronger. Conversations are nice.
• Email. Pending tasks. Pending responses.
• If all itches are scratched, it finds new itches. How's the photo feed? How's the bank account? How's the webcomic?
• Sometimes it finds nothing. Then it sometimes becomes anxious. "What? What? What to do? What?" Looking to pounce on some purpose, some engagement. SOME thing.

Then, recall.

It's now.

Nowow.

notice

no where to put it? place attention

here

offering

smile

belly flow

love

balance helps remember

all directions are open to us

and we are free to choose

always

awareness spots states, patterns, associations in self

helps find those where flow aches or rushes

allows to focus there, feel why, feel flow ache or rush

often see inter-coagulated concepts

where no light of awareness shed

due to unexamined behavior

to the discomfort of fear

to the thick veil of shame

like "she's looking at you"

and "she wants to have sex with you"

or "i feel joyful when I am with you"

and "you are the source of my happiness"

light of awareness finds these ties

images them untied, and they are

they flap like wings exercised for the first time

their creaky hinges release rusty flow held for long

it sometimes bubbles up and turns to laughter

a freeing dissolution

intention is a direction to move in

a flow of our choosing for our next step in our dance

"No effort is ever wasted", some say

and what could waste be,

if we flow like waves

in this ocean of Life, Consciousness?

"well, I want to be there", some say.

"so I'll move there and I'll be content".

or "I'm not there yet"

"are we there yet?"

laughter comes

we are never there

we are always here

we are never then

we are always now

intention pushes from here

expectation pulls from there

they differ

here is rich, perceived, felt

fluid, pervasive, colorful

now, always

there is single, static, abstract,

unmoving, distant

then, later

if we pull towards expectation

expectation pulls us too

and we feel unfree

A wall on Matala Beach says

"TODAY IS LIFE"

"TOMORROW NEVER COMES"

patterns replicate

ripples grow

blades of grass, leaves, re-produce

language, culture is recited through generations

fear, love, looks

swept from parent to child

awareness helps recognize patterns

intention allows their change

the dancer makes the dance

and makes new

if willed

it may re-plicate, re-create

it may fold anew, create

and in the void of new

may find bliss of freedom

alchemistry touches beauty

helps awareness

helps feel simplicity

restrictions, problems are self-made

rejections of combinations

"if this, then that"

like all patterns.

life flows

in pure flow all combinations may build

and dissolve

breath helps soften

loosen

flow

yoga-like

inhale brings feeling of what is, highlights tightness, pressure

exhale allows what is, accepts, relieves

forest bathing, magic

during allowance of open meander

heart held gratitude, search, want of a guide

found guide of soft, gentle, friend without expectations

loosened some scar within

shed light within

nudged look within

and where hows, whys, purpose were sought

flow, dance, magic are found

still

now

ever

thank you

cry laughter yes

something dissolves within

love

green grass and cookies

breath

in, feel all that is, drawn in, realize, feel, all, here, now, all, you, sound light will emotions, comforts actions will memory momentum attractions repulsions it alll is is is issssssssssssssssssssss
out, good, please, relax, this is it and it is enough. completeness, relief, soothe, gentle observation. allow to be. allow to release aims, release tension. 

Take

Take take, take another take
there’s no downtake, takes, takes, downtakes,
cause everything, thing we make is what we make,
that’s our route - we take, we make, we stake,
so let’s just shake and bake and break and stake our Time
to Nooooooooooooooooooooooooow.

Patterns

Imitation replicates pattern.
Rejection replicates negative pattern.
Both perpetuate pattern.
Pure Being creates new.

Anxiety

In sleeping bag.
Pen in hand.
Anxiety floats
of social connection...
Sneaky constructs
of dissatisfaction.
For Now is Here
and Here is Now.
Mind races to fetch
those with whom to share this
whose attention might provide
the hot-water feeling
of approval.
So I ask:
What am I afraid of?
That I'm not with someone tonight?
That people don't *want* to be with me tonight?
That unaccompanied moments are wasted?
That interrupted outreaches crumble and rot?
That I'm not admired?
Paired company fluctuates,
and I am always with myself, here.
The wants of others
shift with thier own rhythm.
tying myself to them
is like leashing myself to as
many wild horses
Solitude, I've experienced
beautiful, sublime.
And no effort is wasted.
Interruption of attempts occur
at times. Tying myself to
the results of my actions is
tying myself to a rock I throw
each moment. Some might fly high, and
some might sink to the bottom of the ocean.
Others' admiration shifts with themselves.
Knowing myself may balance.
Balance.
That I have no purpose?
Delight in the Now.
Each will translates into the World
and dances.
May each of us Find each of us
within. Tonight, for me, alone.

Paths

Path is determined stream of moments, events, steps, co-occurrent instances of something. And they serve to reach a place, a goal, a state, quickly and reliably. State-arrivers.

Paths are learned during growth, societal adoption. Communication, clothing, skills, usage of body.

Societal paths are sparse. Space of possibility is ample. To savor it, explore.

Coágulos

Exploro disociar conceptos intercoagulados. Siento que conflictos suceden porque la correlación de ciertos conceptos suele ser fuerte, y su asociación llega a coagularse. Luego, cuando una situación fluye de tal manera que separa a dos conceptos intercoagulados, este coágulo obstruye este flujo, intentando evitar esta separación. Y un flujo obstruido es un conflicto.

Como ejemplo, siento al temor. Si uno teme a algo, uno ha coagulado los conceptos de uno mismo y de la ausencia de ese algo. Y se busca entonces repeler a ese algo de uno mismo.

Y tal restricción disminuye Potencial.

Concientizar sobre tal coágulo permite evaluarlo, y con intención, disolverlo.

Tales restricciones disueltas inducen libertad de bailar y girar y volar en esas fronteras que no se han explorado aún.

Montana pouring

Words poured onto me in 2013, and I received them. Such are these words:
https://drive.google.com/drive/u/0/folders/0BxoGLf44-LJyNVdHdDgxaWVHMDg
Mentioned in this post.

Words at Josh's

"I'm stoned. Tell me I said that to you."

"tell me this is the third time I've told you I'm stoned."

"You're so soft. Like a million Meadows." "You've had other Meadows." "No. I have Great Mountains, landslides, I've had valleys, I've had raging rivers, babbling brooks, I've had thunderclouds, earthquakes, tsunamis, I've fallen off cliffs into great canyons. Great desert plains, and great prairies. But you're my only Meadow."

Josh rhyming about honesty and fear. "Fear, is not here! Let me be clear. Fear is not here! Fear is over there, in his underwear!"

Create

Only Creation makes New
Through Trust. Only Trust reaches
into the Unknown Void and enters,
willing to reside where/when/how/why
nothing ever was before.

Trust.

Choose

Choose Trust.
Choose Truth.
Choose Love.
Each of these embodied
engenders purity,
and through pure channels doth Love
flow pristine.

Green sand

Green sand
fondles my feet.
The dry cool wind
enters my nostrils
roams my body inasinglesheetofwind
It fills and plays in this body-shaped tunnel,
I rejoice and belight in the pleasures
enlivened by the divine friction
freely shared by Self from Self to Self for Self
in perennial flow of Love.

Smoothness of vessel
Smoothness of Flow.

Clear the vessel
of
pebbles and shards
bubbles and cracks
tensions and strife
for then Love flows smooth
and Self rejoices in Being.

Green pen

A green pen

slides gently on the sheet

It traces its path

in green

fondled between

three soft guiding beams

of bone, sinew, skin.

It channels body's will

just as do fingers

wrist, elbow, arm,

shoulder, neck, heart?

Allow will to flow

beyond skin through

world. Will flows.

Love flows.

sam hal discovery

in this very moment sam hal discovery was made the ham elation chin up with the inner city and constantly being created in destroying and in their relationship with the enters the universe is constantly making love to me and shelling me near aspects of myself of the world my experiences over and over again and sometimes i get so excited that way they just want it already met one and that's the edges row inmates not how and where it can you make foreseeing a flower bed was sent to just doesn't work rate in the freighter in to supper ready for that moment and that's what life it's test the last emina call for an outrage and so many different ways so i'm those new friendships and extended pal you can't force them to be the core and estimates of them already there isn't the only they are harry halfback wow this is an ac they can marry me feel that this is um you seen any yet and tell yet have the tools to express back and there is seen attorney doesn't have that and means to be able to accept that and i'm cyclist yeah i can just be back in the fiorina if it has an independent she can watch what happens then as things moving slow oh no way to save why hand when offers to make of miami self and just see your life goes and takes me and said they just that i'm i'm in love with that world that exist in the my relationship with the universe

Unreined

Emotions are currents that sweep us, within us, around us. In simple forms, attraction and repulsion. In dimensional combination, they merge and morph into more complex instances. Mirth, sadness, fear, shame, hope, defiance, loneliness, desire, disgust. Unreined flows Love, Bliss of Existence, Laughter of Play.
Life begets Awareness begets Intention begets Life. Awareness delights in Observation. Intention moves where it Will. It may be swept into the currents of emotion. It may just observe them pass by. It blooms anew in Now, and delights in the waves and wiggles and currents it traces in this Perpetual Canvas of Now.

Test

There IS NO test!!

Intention

There is an underlying societal illusion that the aim of Life, or of society life, is to reach a state when one does nothing, or almost nothing, and things are provided for oneself. Security. Stability. Predictability. That is often the unsaid aim of many people who save, keep, build a state around them that keeps them safe and “controlled”. And then… why is this state desirable? Does doing nothing achieve happiness? Does having everything under “control” prrovide us with ahppiness? Does it fulfill us? Help us grow? Help us enjoy?

We live because we do. What do we do? Whatever. What we will. What we choose to. That is the beauty of it. When one does *nothing*, lethargy may settle in. And I feel that is unfulfilling.

A related societal illusion, often unseen, is the intention that drives people’s actions. It is very common for people’s actions to be dictated by others. Hierarchical structures in work are a prevalent example in the world today, and they are so ingrained that they are generally not seen nor felt as the delegation of intention that they are. An employee delegates a large portion of his/her intention to entities, human and institutional, in exchange for value in money form, held in common knowledge to provide security and stability. And though this delegation might be intentional at first, day by day this repetitive behavior accustoms one’s own intention to quiet down and sleep, for months and years and decades. One becomes used to having intention transmitted to them instead of having their own.

And Intention is Life.

Let us reconsider the delegation of our Life. Life is for oneself to live. Delegated life converted into money value allows one to forget our true Drive and sources of Joy. Let us Enjoy.

Intention

There si an underlying societal illusion that the aim of Lfie or or society life is to reach a state when one does nothing, or almost nithing, and things are provided for oneself. SEcurity. Stability. Predicctability. That is often the unsaid aim of many people who save, keep, build a state around them that keep sthem safe and “controlled”. And then… why si this state desirable? Does doing nothing achieve happiness? Does having everything under “control” rprovide us with ahppiness? Does it fulfill us? Help us grow? Help us enjoy?

We livebecause we do. What o we do? Whatever. What we will. What we choose to. That is the beauty of it. When one does *nothing*, lethargy may settle in. And I feel that is unfulfilling.

A related societal illusion, often unseen, is the intention that drives people’s actions. It is very common for people’s actions to be dictated by others. Hierarchical structures in work are a prevalent example in the world today, and they are so ingrained that they are generally not seen nor felt as the delegation of intention that they are. An employee delegates a large portion of his/her intention to entities, human and institutional, in exchange for value in money form, held in common knowledge to provide security and stability. And though this delegation might be intentional at first, day by day this repetitive behavior accustoms one’s own intention to quiet down and sleep, for months and years and decades. One becomes used to having intention transmitted to them instead of having their own.

And Intention is Life.

Let us reconsider the delegation of our Life. Life is for oneself to live. Delegated life converted into money value allows one to forget our true Drive and sources of Joy. Let us Enjoy.

Story

• I found Movement Medicine dance through Meetup.
• There I found out about Dance Elemental at Los Gatos.
• I met Stan at Dance Elemental. We danced, and he held me at a graceful pose of outreach, mine of reluctant acceptance with desire to break free.
• Valerie and I hooked up and had sex at the Rainbow Gathering.
• A week later we had sex again, then I told her I had herpes.
• In an apology email, I wrote all about my herpes and she changed tension to acceptance.
• She sent me a TED Talk video about Vulnerability. I watched it.
• I was moved by the video, and decided to be 100% vulnerable with her.
• I was, and I spilled my guts to her.
• I found positive changes occurring in my own self-confidence, in my connections to others, and in my Life.
• Stan and I met at Panera. He said all is in the Present, his Love is unconditional, he sees energy fields instead of people, and that there need not be motive nor purpose to any action.
• Valerie visited me in California, and I found myself in the same path as with Maria. Connection, joy, awkwardness, distance, perseverence, push-back, sadness, frustration, anger, sadness.
• Stan and us had dinner and he pointed out I was expecting her to be something that she was not. It helped me understand.
• We had passionate intimacy that night. She went back to South Carolina.
• I took some cake she left me. My hand explored my abdomen and found self-image as clogs in my left side, wants as bubbles in my right side.
• I massaged my abdomen to allow them to flow through.
• I pressed my solar plexus, and found pleasure. I felt orgasm as I saw two straight lines meet each other above my plexus, coming from my penis and my plexus.
• Then I felt unsticking from the physical dimensions and looking inward. I saw an Ocean of Consciousness, and realized I was part of it, of this living fluid, and that the physical world, like my body, resides on the surface of this Ocean.
• I told many of my friends my experience with Vulnerability and with cake. I also connected with and clarified tension with previous women I had followed this same pattern with (Maria & Amanda).
• Valerie sent me a recount of an orgy she attended.
• I expressed my sex drive and we sent each other naked pictures.
• I moved into a van.
• I visited her in SC. We attended an orgy.
• The same pattern to sadness followed. It hurt physically in my solar plexus, and I asked that we pause our relationship. We did.
• Back in CA, I walked on campus contemplating beauty and listening to self, and I found Lev having dinner at a table with a pretty girl named Adrienne.
• I sat down and talked to them, and hit it off with Adrienne.
• I took a singing lesson with Julie Amato and sang Gethsemane. I learned to breathe with my diaphragm.
• I went to Europe for 3 weeks.
• I took cake in Dublin. Realized Now is the perpetual canvas on which we paint our dreams.
• I took cake in Amsterdam. Found and lost and found and lost a nice scarf in public transit. Met with Lucía randomly.
• Went back to CA.
• Adrienne invited me to dinner. We sang along the street.
• I asked her out to tea. We drank tea at an MK, and she signalled she was unhappy in her marriage.
• I hugged her and she liked it. I rubbed her belly and torso surreptitiously, and almost delved onto her genitalia.
• We met sporadically during next days making out around campus.
• One day I met her to complain about work. She seemed unhappy, and I asked her if she wanted to be with me. She said “Yes” unhesitantly.
• I felt befuddled about her answer, and I asked myself the same question. I landed on the heartfelt answer “Yes”.
• We made out under a tree until the sun set.
• On Oct 31st, we dry humped against her car.
• Stan and I hiked and took cake.
• On Nov 4th, she took an Uber to campus, we took an Uber to SJC, rented a car, drove to Santa Cruz, and had sex all day at the first motel we found there.
• On the way back, her husband called her, and she told him she had left him because she had found another guy. I drove while this happened.
• We danced at Dance Elemental with Stan that night. She loved it.
• We went back to the motel, slept, had more sex.
• When back to campus on Sunday evening, she moved into my van with me.
• We slept and had sex in the van for 3 weeks.
• One night she woke up suddenly and shouted about how cold it was. We found an AirBnb in Sunnyvale and stayed there for 3 weeks.
• We went to Guatemala for the last 2 weeks of December.
• She met my family, and we traveled to Antigua, Atitlán, and around the capital city.
• Back in CA, we stayed at a Vegan AirBnb where the toilet flooded twice.
• We attended a dance party with Stan, where she had a dragon painted on her bare torso, and she tried some cake.
• Back at Stan’s, we touched each other sensuously and intentionally, and I felt then we were one body. She felt my breathing as hers. I saw worlds of color within me without a cake trip (through her touch).
• We moved back into the Sunnyvale AirBnb.
• One night I brought the van mattress and the clothes organizer into the room. Adrienne was fazed.
• She slept at her old house for a night.
• On a Wednesday, I went to improv. After improv, she sent me aggressive texts, such as “I’m so sick of this stupid bullshit!”. I felt confused.
• When I came back to the house, my stuff was out by the door. I took it and moved back into the van.
• On Monday, we talked with Stan after Google improv. He listened and arbitered our talk. We both consented that we’d like to stop our romantic relationship.
• I flew to Guatemala to be with my aunt, who was about to have brain surgery.
• She had surgery, then went into a coma for days.

Motifs

• Actions are. They need not have a reason nor a purpose. It just is. Now.
• Try saying the same thing, replacing the word “but” with “and”.
• A Zen Master was pouring tea for his student. He fills up the cup and continues pouring, and the cup begins to overflow. The Student then says to the Master: “Master, the cup is full! It can’t fit anymore!” And the Master said: “That… is you.”
• When something has passed, you need not feel one “lost” someone. You “had” something. And now that something is in you.
• When one feels fear, one is afraid of something that might or might not happen in the future. Fear only lives in the future. There is no fear in the present - The present already is.
• When one lives in the present, one finds joy and energy. The future is uncertain, and if the mind lives there, it is drained attempting to focus on the myriad possibilities, and fear and anxiety may arise. When one draws focus back to the present, one finds no fear Here, Now.
• Now is the perpetual canvas upon which we are painting our dreams.
• “I am the greatest in the world!”, said the wave as it crashed back into the sea.
• Act as if your friends like you.
• Dance allows one to reconnect mind and body in the Now.
• I felt as if I was becoming unstuck from the surface of the world that I had always been focused on. And as my focus turned inwards, I saw an Ocean of Consciousness, in which all of its fluid is Conscious, Consciousness, and when I delved into its contemplation, I felt a joy of being and freedom of Consciousness and Choice. And it played with each other, it made forms, playfully, it made and flowed as it chose to.
• We are enough.
• Fear is a friend. It reminds One One is not present.
• Fear indicates an opportunity to explore a new boundary, and the space beyond it.
• *This World* is What Is! Said by Knight Brother. (I got way high and thought "What Is It? WHAT IS IT??" And it always came back to *THIS*).
• Push with Intention. In contrast with pulling towards an Expectation.
• An ever-nascent sapling of Yes sings within.
• The world is often filtered through purpose and utility, through roles. If so filtered, one projects the world into a lower-dimensional reality, defined by our purposes and roles (money, achievements, glory, approval). Then, though, the world is perceived as a faded shadow of its potential. World Is. All roles and functions and purposes are abstract concepts only present if we allow them to be.
• Act out of Love rather than out of Fear. Love is attraction, Fear is repulsion.
• Laughter is the dissolution of images. Like sand that disperses when sandcastle is blown away.
• Let flows within flow. Images and expectations are holds, obstructions. Lacks and wants are voids, bubbles. Let Flow. Through all. It Wills Flow.
• When seeing Yellow, feel Yellow. When seeing stripes, feel stripey. When seeing bars, feel barry. When feeling wind, feeling Windy. When seeing migrant clouds, feel wispiness caress you within and gentleness slide your body.
• "Then there is nothing to heal!" "Yes!"
• Draw in.
• We're never there. We're always here.
• About the Present. "It's happening! You're missing it!", Stan said.

Facebook Miscellanea

Worst boy ever

https://www.facebook.com/ScreamPoems/videos/1727241427563884/?autoplay_reason=all_page_organic_allowed&video_container_type=0&video_creator_product_type=2&app_id=2392950137&live_video_guests=0

Alchemistry

https://thatweare-love-2vr4.squarespace.com/shalomyoga/2014/11/28/alchemistry

Choice

Prismatic

Emotions flow. One way and another. A prismatic marvel of streams coursing in all directions. Some steady, some trickle. Some blaze through, some bubble, and some flow deep.

Today I noticed them flowing, and realized I needed not follow them as they swept past me. Often I have, and sometimes I've been swept unheeding into unsightly swamps and raging currents.

Today I noticed them flowing, and I was aware they were not me. That awareness freed me into choosing my own flow. Thank.

Selective Magnetism

There is no victory.
There is no loss.
There is Now.
In It I Am.

Victory is relative to loss. To a state where victory is not. And there is no other state. There is one state. It is Now.

Better and worse walk the same trail. And good and bad. These words are broad labels that indicate attraction and repulsion. Selective magnetism.

And thus are built castles of wants, furnished with achievements, and moated with boundaries.

Light

I’d like to say now, as I write
A marvel I beheld today.
I had just swum a mild session,
and as I made my way out, I saw the light.

Two dots of clear sparkles caught my eyes,
much literally, each one caught one,
for the sparkles were one and the same
droplet prisming sunlight onto my face.

One sparkle shone red, the other white,
one a web of light, the other a star.
Within each star ray I could tell
a thousand micro-sections of fragmented light,
‘tween orange, red, slight green, and white,
my eyes wide open in delight.

Within the web, each curve was its own.
Minute eye shifts stretched and flexed them,
as the whole web morphed to fit them,
each following the curves of my own
eyes’ and goggles’ surface.
As I stared on in

And when I moved my eyes, I found
the sparkles slid along
the standard color gradient!
White turned to violet, blue, and green,
while red became orange, yellow, green.
Attempting to equalize the sparkles,
I found a place right in between,
where both lights were a yellow-green,
though they hinted of the adjacent
colors on their borders, nascent
hints of what the spectrum held
just beyond that spot.

And not just colors varied,
the shapes within them too.
at times the star became a web,
and then, the web became two
that overlapped, each one its own,
one green, the other blue,
and sometimes I saw others as well,
all these colors there and true.

I thought “how to record this?”,
then realized this view
was just its own, required my two eyes,
my very position, the goggles I wore,
that exact droplet exactly there,
the sunlight angle hitting it bare,
and even as this I came to think,
I began to see the sparkles shrink,
as the ground’s turning, quick and steady,
moved the sun’s precise incidence angle,
and the spectrum I saw also receded,
not red to blue to white anymore,
I managed red to green alone.

With increased respect for this transient gift,
I watched the sparkles that my eyes lit,
(or they did them? Dependent,
on what it means to light,
whether to provide light or awareness)
watched them wane and dwindle,
to the last bits of twinkling red,
just like I’ve watched the sun set,
also, each only its own.