Story

• I found Movement Medicine dance through Meetup.
• There I found out about Dance Elemental at Los Gatos.
• I met Stan at Dance Elemental. We danced, and he held me at a graceful pose of outreach, mine of reluctant acceptance with desire to break free.
• Valerie and I hooked up and had sex at the Rainbow Gathering.
• A week later we had sex again, then I told her I had herpes.
• In an apology email, I wrote all about my herpes and she changed tension to acceptance.
• She sent me a TED Talk video about Vulnerability. I watched it.
• I was moved by the video, and decided to be 100% vulnerable with her.
• I was, and I spilled my guts to her.
• I found positive changes occurring in my own self-confidence, in my connections to others, and in my Life.
• Stan and I met at Panera. He said all is in the Present, his Love is unconditional, he sees energy fields instead of people, and that there need not be motive nor purpose to any action.
• Valerie visited me in California, and I found myself in the same path as with Maria. Connection, joy, awkwardness, distance, perseverence, push-back, sadness, frustration, anger, sadness.
• Stan and us had dinner and he pointed out I was expecting her to be something that she was not. It helped me understand.
• We had passionate intimacy that night. She went back to South Carolina.
• I took some cake she left me. My hand explored my abdomen and found self-image as clogs in my left side, wants as bubbles in my right side.
• I massaged my abdomen to allow them to flow through.
• I pressed my solar plexus, and found pleasure. I felt orgasm as I saw two straight lines meet each other above my plexus, coming from my penis and my plexus.
• Then I felt unsticking from the physical dimensions and looking inward. I saw an Ocean of Consciousness, and realized I was part of it, of this living fluid, and that the physical world, like my body, resides on the surface of this Ocean.
• I told many of my friends my experience with Vulnerability and with cake. I also connected with and clarified tension with previous women I had followed this same pattern with (Maria & Amanda).
• Valerie sent me a recount of an orgy she attended.
• I expressed my sex drive and we sent each other naked pictures.
• I moved into a van.
• I visited her in SC. We attended an orgy.
• The same pattern to sadness followed. It hurt physically in my solar plexus, and I asked that we pause our relationship. We did.
• Back in CA, I walked on campus contemplating beauty and listening to self, and I found Lev having dinner at a table with a pretty girl named Adrienne.
• I sat down and talked to them, and hit it off with Adrienne.
• I took a singing lesson with Julie Amato and sang Gethsemane. I learned to breathe with my diaphragm.
• I went to Europe for 3 weeks.
• I took cake in Dublin. Realized Now is the perpetual canvas on which we paint our dreams.
• I took cake in Amsterdam. Found and lost and found and lost a nice scarf in public transit. Met with Lucía randomly.
• Went back to CA.
• Adrienne invited me to dinner. We sang along the street.
• I asked her out to tea. We drank tea at an MK, and she signalled she was unhappy in her marriage.
• I hugged her and she liked it. I rubbed her belly and torso surreptitiously, and almost delved onto her genitalia.
• We met sporadically during next days making out around campus.
• One day I met her to complain about work. She seemed unhappy, and I asked her if she wanted to be with me. She said “Yes” unhesitantly.
• I felt befuddled about her answer, and I asked myself the same question. I landed on the heartfelt answer “Yes”.
• We made out under a tree until the sun set.
• On Oct 31st, we dry humped against her car.
• Stan and I hiked and took cake.
• On Nov 4th, she took an Uber to campus, we took an Uber to SJC, rented a car, drove to Santa Cruz, and had sex all day at the first motel we found there.
• On the way back, her husband called her, and she told him she had left him because she had found another guy. I drove while this happened.
• We danced at Dance Elemental with Stan that night. She loved it.
• We went back to the motel, slept, had more sex.
• When back to campus on Sunday evening, she moved into my van with me.
• We slept and had sex in the van for 3 weeks.
• One night she woke up suddenly and shouted about how cold it was. We found an AirBnb in Sunnyvale and stayed there for 3 weeks.
• We went to Guatemala for the last 2 weeks of December.
• She met my family, and we traveled to Antigua, Atitlán, and around the capital city.
• Back in CA, we stayed at a Vegan AirBnb where the toilet flooded twice.
• We attended a dance party with Stan, where she had a dragon painted on her bare torso, and she tried some cake.
• Back at Stan’s, we touched each other sensuously and intentionally, and I felt then we were one body. She felt my breathing as hers. I saw worlds of color within me without a cake trip (through her touch).
• We moved back into the Sunnyvale AirBnb.
• One night I brought the van mattress and the clothes organizer into the room. Adrienne was fazed.
• She slept at her old house for a night.
• On a Wednesday, I went to improv. After improv, she sent me aggressive texts, such as “I’m so sick of this stupid bullshit!”. I felt confused.
• When I came back to the house, my stuff was out by the door. I took it and moved back into the van.
• On Monday, we talked with Stan after Google improv. He listened and arbitered our talk. We both consented that we’d like to stop our romantic relationship.
• I flew to Guatemala to be with my aunt, who was about to have brain surgery.
• She had surgery, then went into a coma for days.