My internal coach
Continues to want to check on me
To measure me
To applaud me
To reprimand me
For the choices I take
For the concepts I find
For the changes I effect.
Much like an attached mother
Continues to straighten her child's shirt
Praise his achievements
Chide his transgressions
Within the framework that once supported
The young stalk as it grew.
But the stalk has grown wider
Sturdy and larger
And the trellis that once held him
Has become a pillory
Constrictive, inflexible.
Unmeant, unhelpful.
The lobster shell outgrown
Must be molted
If the lobster is to move free.
The invested mother
May continue her ways
As long as the child
Responds still the same.
With pride at her praise
With shame at her reproach
With fear of her displeasure
With frustration at her insistence.
The way to release
The yoke of conditioning
Is to recognize it in me
Then pay it no heed
For I'll know when it shows up
In anxiety and doubt
I'll smell its scent clearly
When fear lingers about.
And slowly the paint flakes
Will fall off the wall
The old structure will wither
Until there's nothing at all
Between what I am
And what I wish to be.
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