Shame

shame

what is this urge

that brings us to hide?

what do we hide

and why?

tis pride proven incorrect

the sun without its shine

the rainbow without its colors

the river without flow

tis the thing without its thingness

that makes thing wants to hide

for the identity it believed

is gone.

the leader without his power

the mother without her child

the dancer who breaks her body

the singer without his voice

the salesman without his clients

the magnate without her money

the champion outcompeted

the mind without its reason

the showman with no show

shame comes from the rupture

between self and the thing it believed it was

a discord that makes the believer

want to reconcile

his outer perceptions

and his inner sensations.

this discord begets confusion

about what self is

the identity can no longer express clearly

and shame is born.

self had placed it-self into a category

and his perception can no longer support

that he still belongs there.

shame is then perhaps the urge

to reconcile this discord

via one of various ways.

self can revalidate.

it can find enough evidence in the world

to place self back again

into the category of thing.

that is, find enough thing-ness

so it may return to the box of thing.

or, self may recalibrate

and search for the next box to drop into.

this second method brings conscious pain

because the connections self has formed,

built on top of his thing-ness

all need to be overhauled.

some of these may be deep-rooted,

the deeper, the more tendrils

and membranes and layers within

this removal will touch.

a surgery of identity

hurts pieces of self

both known and unknown

and pain results.

and it matters how one chooses

to care for self in this time.

with awareness it can be done gently

feeling the roots dug into the thing

one by one

and consciously and with kindness,

cut off the obsolete root.

to do so, one only needs to accept

this root's usefulness is past due

and trust that the next box it lands in

will have enough space to grow too.

or, self can ravage.

if the pain of moving out from the thing box

brings unbridled frustration and rage

one can also bring spite to the method

and rip out all his connections instead.

though this may disconnect self from the old thing

it is also destructive to self.

for the force of the ripping can damage

the deep-hidden roots

and bring eventual deeper need to heal.

like an inflamed appendix

if ripped out can damage the healthy bowels

so ripping out our obsolete identity

can hurt the healthy parts of self.

so it's worth to take care of our own tendrils

to see and disconnect one by one.

for with care each tendril can then realize

its own usefulness date has expired

then gracefully accept its disposal

and wither

instead of living on without aim.

moreover, a self who rips out his connections in rage

has no time to find where to land on

and can end up lost and unhinged, instead.

or, self can retard.

another technique of the ashamed self

is to hang on to thing for dear life.

to ignore the path he was walking

and choose to stay in the cozy behind.

self grabs on to thing as he knows it

and shuts out what leads him otherwise.

he'll filter out any perceptions

that threaten to remove him from thing.

the dangers of retardation are twofold:

he'll knowingly make himself blind

and by ignoring the flow of the river

he'll eventually be left behind.

until he finds, but later,

that thing turns to ash in his grasp

for the value that thing once gave him

was but the river, that has left him behind.

shame then, is perhaps the indicator

that a thing has run out of time

and it's time to look hard at the bindings

we have collected

time to consider what we wish to keep from it

and what to discard

for though the thing is left behind,

self continues on its path

and the lessons learned in each box

can help self in the next.

from box to box to box we go.

we crawl, like the walking tree.

at each spot we lay our step

and make roots to dig in

to hold us and sustain us

for a little while.

and when the flow

is past each space

we are bidden to lift root and go.

move, forward.

ever forward.

with sticky steps

we crawl

finding things to hold onto

to lay on and rest.

just remember no step is eternal

and thus every step ends.

and with each step we become

more agile and strong

though at first we may crawl

and all parts of us may need a root

like mold

perhaps soon we shall need less roots

like a sunflower

until step by step

our steps become less sticky

more fluid, more graceful,

until we are running and dancing

and flowing

atop and across all the attributes and categories

we once thought defined us

and bound us.