Breath became energy opened a gateway inside. My body, arms tingled with energy, they rose from my body and sought to expand around my body. Enough energy brought my body and breath to a self-sustaining powerful cycle, and the defiant within saw the light.
I had set an intention to connect with the dark, repressed parts of me that I hide and contain, with the nasty. The rage, the anger, the resentment, the defiance, the waiting-to-be-challenged that remain, yet glower, within the iron cage I forged for it so long ago.
The defiant inside was strong, and felt its gateway to release. By itself it gasped for air, it relished the new opening to the outside, and waited, waited for something. Something came in the form of supporting hands and voices around me, touching my spine and my chest to work some energy with me. Aha!, it thought. Inputs! It garnered more air, more energy, it crawled out and expanded. HERE I AM, it roared and snarled. Its only language the power of the breath, it raised my legs through pure expansion, and found the challengers around me. It knew they were there, eyes closed, it knew. It came out onto my face and remained, showed itself, saying "SO YOU TOLD US TO BREATHE WELL THIS IS WHAT I HAVE INSIDE HERE IT IS WELL LOOK AT IT IS IT TOO MUCH FOR YOU IS IT ???? YOU WANT TO CONTAIN IT, HUH? YOU THINK YOU CAN?? YOU THINK YOUR MEAGER TOUCHES AND SOOTHES CAN CONTAIN ME?? LOOK AT MY SNARLS LOOK AT MY SPIT LOOK AT MY POWER - THIS IS IT, THIS WAS SUMMONED FROM BREATH. YOU WANTED IT. NOW YOU DON'T WANT IT? NOW IS IT TOO MUCH? HUH?? WELL TRRYYYYYYYYYYYY TO CONTAIN ME!!"
My awareness felt control of my muscles, yet knew it wanted to cede some of it to the defiant. Its way of expression is through the body - how else can it be seen? The force the defiant felt against it was just soft, just weak, and my defiant felt this force unworthy to express itself with further strength. It internally felt "hah, you summon things that you would have no chance to contain. pitiful", and receded back inside just as the voices around me asked me to bring love into myself, into my space. They claimed "the entity, it's out, it's out now", as my body spasms softened, but it surely did not feel that way. The emotions, eroded by a glimpse of expression, nevertheless genuinely still felt
I had set an intention to connect with the dark, repressed parts of me that I hide and contain, with the nasty. The rage, the anger, the resentment, the defiance, the waiting-to-be-challenged that remain, yet glower, within the iron cage I forged for it so long ago.
The defiant inside was strong, and felt its gateway to release. By itself it gasped for air, it relished the new opening to the outside, and waited, waited for something. Something came in the form of supporting hands and voices around me, touching my spine and my chest to work some energy with me. Aha!, it thought. Inputs! It garnered more air, more energy, it crawled out and expanded. HERE I AM, it roared and snarled. Its only language the power of the breath, it raised my legs through pure expansion, and found the challengers around me. It knew they were there, eyes closed, it knew. It came out onto my face and remained, showed itself, saying "SO YOU TOLD US TO BREATHE WELL THIS IS WHAT I HAVE INSIDE HERE IT IS WELL LOOK AT IT IS IT TOO MUCH FOR YOU IS IT ???? YOU WANT TO CONTAIN IT, HUH? YOU THINK YOU CAN?? YOU THINK YOUR MEAGER TOUCHES AND SOOTHES CAN CONTAIN ME?? LOOK AT MY SNARLS LOOK AT MY SPIT LOOK AT MY POWER - THIS IS IT, THIS WAS SUMMONED FROM BREATH. YOU WANTED IT. NOW YOU DON'T WANT IT? NOW IS IT TOO MUCH? HUH?? WELL TRRYYYYYYYYYYYY TO CONTAIN ME!!"
My awareness felt control of my muscles, yet knew it wanted to cede some of it to the defiant. Its way of expression is through the body - how else can it be seen? The force the defiant felt against it was just soft, just weak, and my defiant felt this force unworthy to express itself with further strength. It internally felt "hah, you summon things that you would have no chance to contain. pitiful", and receded back inside just as the voices around me asked me to bring love into myself, into my space. They claimed "the entity, it's out, it's out now", as my body spasms softened, but it surely did not feel that way. The emotions, eroded by a glimpse of expression, nevertheless genuinely still felt
- You asked me to come, and so I come, and now you don't want me here. You indecisive, weak summoner have brought me to existence, and it is all to waste.
- WELL HERE I AM
- Feeling of unwantedness. Of having been asked to show myself fully, only for them to cower when they see my truth, and have them pull back.
- Feeling that my defiant wants, deserves, burns for a true clash of powers. Fear of letting it go - I fear my defiant is a fuel for things that I do.
- Fear that removing it from myself would leave me weak and unspecial.
- Pain from the longing of my beast wanting to express.
some love washed me inside. some of it was soothing, some of it brought laughter to me. Some of it brought sobs. Laughter of how free I imagined to be, were I to integrate my defiant within me into my actions at every moment. Sobs of pain from memories when the defiant so much wanted to show, to be, to fight, to assert, to DO. And again and again and again and again it was covered and ignored.
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