Re-evaluation 2

Over a year ago (around the beginnings of September 2011), I wrote a long-ish post here (4-6 paragraphs) that described how the function over which I was optimizing in my Life had changed drastically. Sadly, as I was reading it and changing a couple of words with the intention of getting it published, a few Ctrl-Z keystrokes made my whole draft disappear. After a fruitless and despairing hour of Googling how to recover an overwritten blog post draft on Blogger and a help form submission, I decided to rewrite what I can from what remains in memory.

In the past several months, I've acquired much new data. New experience, hehe. This has also caused my priorities to change. As TK said, when one optimizes a function, the optimal point depends on the function being optimized upon. A change of data causes a change in the estimated distribution. So what is my distribution currently like?

A month ago, I had not yet started my second trip to Nicaragua to see Carmella, and it would only be a couple of weeks before I met Laura again here in Pittsburgh. Being intensely physically wanted by one girl, and then kissing, caressing, and copulating with Laura not soon after did wonders for my self-esteem, and proved to me that I am indeed a desirable guy.

And these events have changed priorities in my mind. The value of girls seems to have diminished. I seem to have, quoting a random site from the Internet, put the pussy down from the pedestal. Girls still rank very high on my internal set of values, but not like before. Girls were of the highest priority - I would much rather spend some alone time with a hot girl than, say, listen to some great music, take time to enjoy a delicious meal, or spend time friends. Girls were an overarching priority in my life. But it seems that not as much anymore.

ChoreoLab has also contributed to my change of perspective. After being complimented by several people, especially Ashley, on some of the choreographies I made during that one week, confidence in my own creations has also been boosted. All these are certainly good things, but I wonder how it will affect my behavior?

Leila once said that I held nothing sacred. Well, maybe I held girls are sacred. I had a secret, constant desire to be with them all the time. It seems now that that is not the case. I wonder if I might now begin to detach from them. Will I replace their sacred position with some other need? I hope not, as I think that one is better off the less one needs. Will this commence a process of detaching myself from the world, and dive into practices of meditation, discovering my true potential and nature? That would be nice.

I am genuinely curious about what will happen to my priorities now that girls are not as revered by me as they were. I mean, they are, but given that my last two girls have been hot, physical attractiveness is not quite as important. I wonder what will I be attracted to in girls now - mental acuteness, great sense of humor, shared interests, passion for exploring and new activities? I guess so. We shall see :).