Human Design

I like Human Design.

These are the words I've been holding myself back from sharing for years. And even from admitting them to myself.

I like Human Design.

For those who don't know, Human Design (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_Design) is a system mystically "downloaded" in 1987 by Ra Uru Hu that uses planetary positions at the time of birth (plus other details) to describe the imprinted energy patterns on a human being, on the energy centers and channels that compose the auric body, and how these manifest as qualities, preferences, modes of living, modes of perception, sensation, and digestion, relational patterns with companions and with society, the themes and lessons in one's life, and in general all the patterns that make up a human life. It was presented as a synthesis between Western Astrology, the Kabbalistic Tree of Life (Kabbalah), the Hindu Chakra system, and the Chinese I Ching. And these days, a growing minority around the world is learning and experimenting with it in their lives, and finding enough value in it to continue to propagate it further.

(I realize this post is not essentially about Human Design, but I'll expand on it anyway).

The system divides the zodiac into 64 equiangular sections, corresponding to the 64 hexagrams of the I'Ching. Each of these hexagrams is denoted by a sequence of six lines, each of which can either be broken or unbroken (Yin or Yang). In essence, they are encoded in binary, though their number labels do not correspond to how standard arithmetic typically represents numbers via binary code.

Additionally, the human auric body is depicted as a "body graph", composed of 9 (not 7) energy centers, linked together by 36 different channels, each of which is defined by 2 distinct gates out of the 64 that are situated across the 9 different centers. Each of these centers, channels, and gates carries unique qualities and sub-qualities that manifest in a human life. All of these weave and intermingle in order to produce, in essence, the aggregate of the human experience.

Each of 13 "planetary positions" at the time of birth fall into either one of these gates (and into any of its 6*6*6*5=1080 equiangular subsections), which defines an imprint on one of the 64 gates in the body graph. Additionally, a time in the past is computed at which the sun was 88 degrees away from its position at birth (around 3 months earlier), and 13 planetary positions at that time define imprints on the body graph as well. The positions at the time of birth are an imprint on the "conscious personality", and the other ones are an imprint on the "unconscious body design".

These 26 imprints "define" their corresponding gates in the body graph, and that is the energy definition that one carries during the life. If both gates corresponding to a channel are defined, then that channel, as well as the two energy centers which it links, get to be defined as well. And that is how a body graph is computed. See an example in the image below.

As I said, though, the real point of this post is not Human Design. It is the question: "Why was I so afraid of admitting that I like it?"

Decades ago as a high school student, I was chosen to receive, along with some others, advanced mathematics education at a university in order to compete at an international competition, and that felt swell. I felt special. Hand-picked. "The chosen one". Different. Separate. Better. Proud. And clever enough to hide my hubris behind a veneer of fake modesty that convinced even myself so well, that for a long time I actually thought it was my real face.

And in one of those classes, the professor was explaining the constructive nature of mathematics. How from a small set of self-evident axioms and logical operations, the complete body of mathematics is determined and deducible. Provable beyond a doubt. Absolutely incontrovertible. An infinite abstract realm immediately unfolds, arises out of almost nothing, yet is a solid and timeless foundation of truth. This realization felt nothing short of magic to me.

And in this moment of bedazzlement, the professor spoke a quote from some supposedly famous scientist of the past. He was referring to how in theory, if one were to simply memorize the small set of axioms and possess an exceptionally-gifted intelligence, one needed not ever learn any more theorems, methods, nor additional "facts". The axioms and the logic could recreate anything at any time, and in fact could continue to discover new results. So he quoted: "Memory is the intelligence of fools."

I ate up that quote. I drank it, I soaked it in, and I tattooed it into my heart and mind. My hubris found in it a challenge worthy of my superior intelligence. "Memorize nothing, sharpen your deduction and constructivism skills, and then need never to learn anything else ever again. Prove to others thereby the superiority of your mind".

It was a foolish thought. A foolish challenge to devise, which arose only because I was emotionally undeveloped, and addictively sought ways to prove to myself and to others that I was worthy somehow. The irony that I undertook this challenge in order to avoid being "a fool" is not lost on anyone.

Yet I did. In my subsequent education, I attacked my own memory. I sought all pieces of knowledge that felt "strictly unnecessary" and decided not to use them, conceitedly trusting that my superior intelligence would be able to reproduce them. I implemented the mental equivalent of the computer-science concept "garbage collector", and evicted from my mind, irritated, every piece of knowledge that felt redundant or superfluous.

This brought me to despise history and the social sciences, from which basically nothing could be trimmed. I shunned the incarnate and embraced the abstract. I followed this hubristic, self-destructive challenge until it became automatic and I forgot about it, having fed me with not one drop of self-worth and only a questionable practice of mental introspection and self-flogging. And though later this was softened through honest emotional exploration, its old habits of mental derision and irritation follow me to this day.

Which is why it has pained me so to admit that I like Human Design. "What? A mystical voice told one man that there are 64 fundamental energies in the human 'experience', that they project upon the Earth via faraway celestial planetary positions, and that a fairly arbitrary set of them imprints upon the birth of every single human, and gives him/her the patterns he/she will carry his/her whole life? How? Why? How dare you present this knowledge without proof. Without causal links from first principles."

But what made it more annoying to me is that, once the few first principles are conditionally accepted, the structure of the system is composed of remarkable geometrical and conceptual elegance. The channels and the gates are positioned in the centers where they would make sense. The descriptions of the gates and channels describe with insight and precision many energies and dynamics of the human condition that I had never even realized existed, and which I could use to then deepen my own observation of myself and of human dynamics.

What's more, its description of my own patterns, of my own challenges, and of the ways that I relate to other people and partners often managed to surprise me, for it uncovered the causes behind the circumstances I encountered in my life, which my inner resonance could not honestly deny. Then when I shared my knowledge with other people and their charts, they found resonance as well, and I would often agree with what the chart described.

But my mind is still annoyed at it because none of it is materially proven. It may find inner resonance sometimes, it may produce positive results in people's lives who follow its recommendations, and it may be very popular, but it HAS NO PROOF beyond individual experience, which can always be faked. And this still vexes that inflated boy who believed that constructivism could save him from learning or accepting any more fundamental axioms in his entire life. He scoffs at the "deus ex machina" origin of Human Design, yet cannot help but admire the built-in elegance, geometrical patterns, symmetries, fractal recurrences, and accurate psychological and social descriptions of the many energies.

What's more, after studying hundreds and perhaps thousands of pages, digging into the patterns of the structure, and listening to hours upon hours of its material, he cannot find anywhere sufficient inconsistency or trace of insincerity from either the origin story or from the educational material, and only little disagreement with respect to various other esoteric teachings, but much agreement. It is about as "tight" as one can expect esoteric teaching to be.

So only two possibilities arise: either Ra Uru Hu was a towering intellectual, creative, and psychologist beyond my reasonable fathoming who manufactured a plausible structure of the energies that encompass humanity and life, and wove patterns of truth and logic superbly and gracefully enough into it not only for it to be internally consistent, but for people of all walks to actually experience benefits from it, and who pretty much dedicated the rest of his life to it, since he kept up a continous role of teaching it for over TWENTY years...

Or the system indeed originated beyond our ken, and even of that of its maker. And it most likely holds truth. Then astrology, the I'Ching, the Kabbalah, and the chakra system also hold truth. And I can either choose to continue to scoff at it all as "immaterial evidence", or to finally let go of my derision, accept these systems for what they are, and take from them whatever can serve me in my life.

I choose the latter. This does not mean devoted belief and acceptance as fact, as yet more external authorities to follow. But simply as potential sources of information and hypotheses. Hints, if you will.

The point is not Human Design. It is that I wish to let go of the hubris and derision I once invited into my system, but who have never left since. Previous attempts still see them in me, so now I do what they fear the most. Exposing myself openly and potentially lose credibility in front of many other people.

I like Human Design. It is called a pseudoscience by many, it is inextricable from the long-mocked field of astrology, and I, who once prided myself on objectivity and scientific credibility, and who mocked such fields myself, now study it deeply, apply it to my own life, and enjoy it thoroughly. And I wish to share it with other people, and offer readings to whomever feels they would like one.

Hubris and derision: You are not helpful to me anymore, for I know you cannot give me nor validate my own self-worth. In fact, your presence proves that my self-worth is not yet independent.

Thank you for soothing my emotional wounds by veiling them with the illusion of superiority when I most needed it. Thank you for distracting me from my pain by giving me an image to present to the world. I am ready to release this mask. I am ready to present my inner truth to the world, however it may land on others, whether it is believed or not. I am willing to make mistakes, to be seen making mistakes, and to admit my mistakes.

Thank you, really. I love who you were to me. And now I can stand by myself. Thank you, and good bye.

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TL;DR: I explore the love-hate relationship I have had with Human Design over the years, realize the emotional root that kept me from admitting that I like it, and finally converse with my stuck emotions/patterns, thank them, and release them from my life.