success and failure

When we humans come across a success of ours, we tend to like to keep it. Success is the alignment of one's own expectations with manifested events, and the satisfaction this induces in us makes it appealing, attractive, and worthy of keeping around with us to continue feeling this satisfaction in the future. A trophy or a medal for our collection.

When we come across a failure, on the other hand, we also tend to keep it. Not because we like it or because it appeals to us, but because we sometimes refuse to let go of the expectation that did not become manifest as we desired. Or we do not know that we can let it go. And seeing this misalignment within ourselves, this empty spot for the prize we still desire, this unoccupied pedestal, we wish it not within us, we wish it were not there, and we tend to shroud it with the veil of shame. And to ensure we do not feel this emptiness again, and that others do not see it either, we guard the veil with our pride, who flouts indifference and pushes back with anger, or we clothe it in diversions like humor. And there the guards remain, protecting the rejected secret with stalwart automaton duty, until we choose, or are forced, to open up our emptiness again.

Whether what we encounter is a trophy to display or a gap atop our pedestal, it tends to stick to us, and we then make it our keepsake. In life we gather trophy after trophy and failure after failure, believing them all to be part of our identity. And though we may display the former and deny the latter, the core effect of both on us is most the same. They burden us. They attach to what we think we are, we hesitate to let them go, and we instead drag them around with us as life continues to continue. Both shiny objects and muddy sticks will cling to our garments, and whether they induce in us pleasure or pain, they weigh us down, they tie us to the past, to those used-up garments trailing and growing behind us like an extravagant bridal dress tail, ever-decaying. They occupy our inner space and they divert our focus, they diminish the space where we can dance, and they prevent us from noticing that new, fresh garments blossom and grow around us with every present moment.

Only we can release our own garments. Only we can lighten our own load.