She was to penetrate my energetic heart yoni
With her energetic heart lingam
At a distance
I opened my chest and assented
She knew what I meant and she thrust
Gently
While our eyes connected
I followed her rhythm
Forth, then back, imaging the friction
Our energies generated
With this subtle sex
The friction made heat
And flow through my body
I felt its strength rise
As some of my mind thought still
What was the use
Of this charade
Her throat lingam joined in with my throat yoni
And our ajna sexes as well
The thrusting kept going
My body followed, attuned
My breath rising
No effort from my side
My being rode the wave
Sobs bubbled from my chest
Unreasoned, unmeant
Each push grew my charge
Each pull let more bubbles out
My throat opened up for the sobs
Like an old creaking chest
Felt the shame of graceless expression
Shame became croaking groans
And was flushed out as well
Thrust
After thrust
After thrust
Thoughts unneeded, unable
My being rode the wave
And I held on to her rhythm and to her sexes
Panting raw
Like the lover surrendered to her mate
It wasn't pleasure that moved me
I felt it a need
A "please keep going, don't stop"
To release what was stuck
That crusty slime
To feel fully again
Ride me all the way
My cries were cathartic
Wails and screams raw
Midway between pleasure and grief
They asked us to disconnect
Instantly I looked at her and pleaded
don't stop don't stop don't stop don't stop don't stop don't stop don't stop don't stop don't stop don't stop don't stop please please please don't stop don't stop don't stop
Caught in subconscious rapture
She assented and bore with me
Kept thrusting into me
I squeezed out every drop of her
Even as we slowed down
Even as we swayed to pause
My jaw trembled, my tearful eyes pleaded
slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow slow please please slow slow slow slow slow slow slow
And she said
I'm here. I'm here.
As she held me in her eyes
And I felt my loose sobs bubbling still
My channels raced with energy
Full of heat
And vibrations of release
Minutes later, I took them out
My hands close to my chest, pulled out her sex
My hands close to my throat, pulled out her sex
My hands close to my forehead, pulled out her sex
And I cried and cried, certain of having just felt loved
Deeply
And feeling the soft abandonment that I allowed
I skipped the next exercise, I was not one to follow
Walked out of the room with my hoodie around me
Found a corner next to a window and table
And I cried
And cried
And cried and cried and cried and cried and wailed and cried and cried and groaned and yelled and grieved with the emotional tool and shook my body and cried and cried and cried with the sorrow I gathered during years unfelt
When my heart was ignored
In favor of logic and reason
Even when they trampled
On my tender preferences
I barely knew I had
The last cries brought spit out
And it tasted like venom
Some toxic matter brought out of my body
I knew I did not want to swallow back
I spit on a towel
I spit on the ground
I spit in the toilet
I spit all I could
Out out out
So much I wanted a bucket
So I entered the temple once more
To find a bucket
Another she found me and gave me a bucket
Invited me to the next ceremony
I agreed
In this one I journeyed back to my pre-life
And created a journey of love
Conscious birth, conscious growth
Conscious guidance, loving care
Truth and trust, presence shown
As sometimes I spit
We were asked to feel our hands
And to feel which one was the feminine
One
My awareness moved clearly to my left
A sweet sensitivity in it
I felt into
It spread onto my thorax
My hip, my leg, my sex
My entire left hemibody embraced its softness
And at once, my being was split
Into her and him
One tender, one straight
One flowing, one still
My left hand inched closer
To my right stoic hand
She danced in curved paths
And spread tempting fingers
He noticed, came closer
Yet stood his watchful ground
He knew she enjoyed it
He knew there was time
She came to his borders
He eagerly grasped
Her sweet, tender fingers
With power and demand
He pressed her middle knuckle
And her small bone felt hurt
He was going to merely ignore it
As it was not a major hurt
Then he remembered that was the pattern
That was ignored for so long
And he paused their dance, and held her
With a loving finger kiss
His tip massaged her knuckle
And suddenly I felt
Her emotions collapsing
Into sorrow and tenderness and gratitude
That remembered when she was ignored
That felt the true love he now offered
That knew he was listening
To her soft cries of hurt
He was listening
And that was
Sorrowful bliss
They spent an hour conversing
In a cozy red cocoon
Minutes of listening to each other's energies
Apologies, sorrows, gratitude, holding each other
He covered her with his body, and caressed her skin
Her energies, still tender and fearful
Her words, he listened to in stillness
The same sweetness a man has for her beloved
Yet purer, clearer
Their energy flows direct
He and she both reassured
Themselves and each other
They would listen and speak up
Her desires he will attend to
His ideas she will heed
Neither owns the path, they share it
Driver and navigator
On a lifelong joyride
She likes sways
He likes jumps
She likes caresses
He likes presses
She likes deep sensation
He likes deep insight
She likes feeling here
He likes knowing this
They love one another
And are now learning to dance
Together
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