womb experience

The delight of the warm sunlight atop the gentle, soothing waves that buoy my feeling, trusting hands quiet, limp, observant.

Antonio

in the water, she leaves me my head back, my body slanted back No air, I trust. She takes care of me. Time passes, I remain under. I know she knows. I know she takes care of me. Time passes, I remain under. My belly hiccups, it asks for air. I wait. She takes care of me. Time passes. I know she knows. I cannot breathe. Maybe she wants it. She wants me to stay in. All emotions at once. Trust betrayed. Rejection. She prefers me here. Unalive. Pride to cover my hurt. Let it be so. I stay here. It is good anyway. Deep. Quiet. Just me and I don't need you. I stay here. I don't need to breathe. She pulls me up. There I can breathe. No. No! You didn't want me breathing, so I stay in. Let me stay in! I don't need you. I pull down. I want to stay inside. No! You don't want me breathing, let me stay in! She pulls me out, I gasp for breath. Defeat. I failed. I failed what I tried, and now I'm with someone who betrayed me. Who doesn't want me. I failed. And I cry out loud, and the comfort I reach for is hers. I curl into her arms. But she betrayed me. But she has me. I breathe again.

Antonio

She plays with me. She curls up my leg as I sit, and she makes funny noises when she does. In playful, rising tone: "Tuuuuuuuuut!" I laugh. It's so funny how she does it, I like it. She takes care of me. "Swuuuuuuuuuuuuup!", she curls my other leg. I sit cozy and happy. She likes me and I feel good. Sun, water, sounds. My body is happy.

they didn't want me, but I am good.

I am good.