4:40am and I haven't slept much yet. I napped for about 2 hours around midnight, but unless I catch a few more hours of sleep, tomorrow might feel tired and fuzzy. I'll give it another shot in a while. But for now, I'll write. My restlessness comes from pondering and self-pity, not unlike other times in the past. My tone is not sad though - only thoughtful. But I do feel I'm standing right next to the crevice of my hidden emotions, and I evaluate it from afar, feeling safe from despair.
And why do I ponder so, if I haven't in many months? I think it comes from considering Montse as a recipient of my myriad hidden thoughts, feelings, memories, evaluations, and screams. I consider her, and my mind begins cranking out specific words to say, events to mention, faces to portray. Where will it happen? How can I be loud and pure? How much forewarning should I give her? And my mind has been rolling with it.
And why do I ponder so, if I haven't in many months? I think it comes from considering Montse as a recipient of my myriad hidden thoughts, feelings, memories, evaluations, and screams. I consider her, and my mind begins cranking out specific words to say, events to mention, faces to portray. Where will it happen? How can I be loud and pure? How much forewarning should I give her? And my mind has been rolling with it.
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