Gas mileage

Given the following pictures:

1) 208,355 miles with a full tank

2) 208,777 miles with a near- empty tank

3) And the 16 gallons required to fill it up

I conclude that my Toyota Camry '96 travels an approximate average of

(208777-208355)/16.001 = 26.373 mpg on mostly highways.

Not terrific, but not terrible :)

Self Analysis

Thought processes still not back to normal...

I am sleepy, I am at the airport, waiting to board AA flight 761, with a laptop with no internet access on my lap, and I am still thinking that my thought processes are not yet back to normal.

And that sucks!! If my thought processes had improved, I probably would not disagree with the change, but as it is, many things I do are so much harder to do! I need to think a bit more about what I'm doing, I need to go through small steps, while before I could just zip through my day doing everything automatically, while immersed in my own mental world.

Sometimes it seems to me I am too relaxed, and as such, I am missing the usual edge of healthy tension I usually had that enabled me to do everything the way I did before. Sometimes it seems that my movements, thoughts, and actions are simply hindered, not as synchronized, and as such, they cannot progress as smoothly as they once did. Just a few minutes ago, I came up with the hypothesis that the part of my brain that processes things automatically, without thinking (the cerebellum?) is sleepy, non-functional, or under-functional right now. Things that I before did without thinking now I require thought process to do, and not as well as before. It's as if my cache had been erased, and it's either being re-populated again, or maybe (hopefully) it's just waiting to wake up. I hope that's what it is.

I'll give it a week for my body to recover, release toxins, and become healthy again. For now, I still feel a slight tingling sensation on my face, especially on my forehead, a little on my arms, and a whole sense of having to rethink everything over and over again. Not as much as when completely high, but still, much more than I usually do. Please recover body - I'm sorry I did this to you.

Sex overage??

I think I have had too much sex during the past ten days.

Too much?? How did that happen? I thought that was what I wanted to achieve: the awesome activity, to please a woman, to touch her, feel her, everywhere, to enter her, to consummate the union between a man and a woman... to satisfy my sex drive.

But I think I overdid it...

I haven't been feeling well these last few days. I don't know... it may have been the sex, it may have been smelling and inahling Mary Jane for a whole week, it may have been the actual hit and a half I took two weekends ago (and whose detrimental effects on my thought processes I am still feeling), it may have the unhealthy diet of very little food alternated with donuts and fancy pasta, it may have been the inhalation or ingestion of some other chemicals present in her perfumes, incense, lotions, or lipstick, or maybe simply the sedentary life I've been leading during the past week.

But I feel sick.

My stomach feels constantly uneasy, I've had vomiting urges both yesterday and today, I don't seem to be able to think in the same manner as I did before (a crude description of my thought processes is stated in a previous unpublished post), I feel unfocused, and today, when I tried to go out to run outside to get back on the exercise wagon, I couldn't even jog one block without feeling a great tiredness in my legs and panting for breath. I managed to walk/run/jog about a mile out and then back, but by the time I got back, I was weak, dizzy, feeling not too far away from loss of consciousness. Does this make sense? I've been training for a triathlon for at least 3 weeks now, so then I stop training, have a lot of sex, and then I can't run for one block?

I feel embarrassed, even repulsed, by my state right now. I wish to return to a state of great health, much happiness, excellent well-being, sharp awareness, perfect focus, super high energy, great mental agility, and great strength. I hope to achieve this state again. To feel my body, mind, soul, and entire being again simultaneously as a whole, to perceive it, embrace it, and control it in perfect harmony. I very much hope to achieve it again.

I blame the sex, partly, because right after our sessions had ended, I felt a tingling sensation of loss in the back of my thighs, in my butt, and maybe also sometimes in my arms. I also blame it because I have read that many cultures thought that semen was the fluid of life inside a man, the source of his energy. And if I use it too much, of course, well... my energy would diminish, dwindle. And that concept agrees with the effects that I am perceiving these days.

I have one night to go, though. She will return in about an hour, and though I will convince her to go walk Town Lake, she will then probably want to have sex again. I intend to avoid it, maybe by feigning sleep or tiredness, and I hope to succeed. I wish to return to my state of well-being again. I wish to accumulate my energy again, and use it for purposes more noble than sexual recreation.

Nuts

I am becoming... dumber? I sure hope not. Please no.

After the intake of the famous substance, my reactions have been quite dissatisfying. Scary. Slow. The things I do - I do them in a weird way, I think differently. Slower? With less focus, certainly. I cannot type as well, and many skills or abilities that I before took for granted, now are not so easy to achieve.

I cannot beat Jerol at chess as easily as I did before. I now have a little more trouble figuring out what are all the consequences of a move I make (or at least the ones I was able to see before). Now I seem to have to go through each one of them, one at a time, as if doing serial processing instead of parallel like before. It's very weird, very scary. I hope to get out of this state soon, but I know that I am not out of it yet, not as long as I still have difficulty typing, or managing to focus to get some work done, or finding it hard to see the consequences of a chess move, or while I still often bump into with obstacles all around me instead of graciously avoiding them like before, or while I still feel this tingling sensation on my face, head, stomach, arms, hands.

I really wish this effect would go away. It is awful to live, feel like this. I know that my thought processes are altered, but I know that I am understanding that very concept with altered thought processes, and as such, they are not necessarily compatible with my previous concept of the world, and as such, I do not have any guarantee that any of it makes sense. Please, please, God, Myself, Universe, help me get out of this state. I will get away from the substance, and be very healthy indeed for a longer period of time than I was exposed to the substance, but please, I would like to go back to my previous states of mind. My current one is almost intolerable, and I constantly feel a nauseous feeling down my throat. Even now I feel like I should vomit. Gotta go...

Wow, now I feel sick. I just tried to vomit but I couldn't (I guess because I don't have that much material inside my stomach). In any case, it feels awful. I want to remove all these toxins from my body, cleanse it up again, make it healthy. Please, please, I want to get better. To focus. To be myself again. I will eat healthily, exercise, and avoid exposure to the substance again. But I want to get better. BETTER!! RECOVER :D. Recover. Yes.

Stony thoughts

Written on June 12th 2010, transcribed on March 22nd 2011.

Everything's faster, and I think this is because life right now is only a movie played in my head, with me being able to perceive or think, or see the "movie", only one instant every long period of time as compared to "original" life, R-world. This, the Drug, imaginary, cannabis world, is D-world.

(Scribble of my train of thought as it goes backward and forward, looking like a tree graph.

I just finished part 1 of my video. I'm now writing this to keep no moment (or as possible as) of my "stoned" state unlogged. Well, so, being stoned is like constantly having to "wake up", see the situation, and ask everyone "What the heck are you doing??" "Do this! Do that!", but since it "wakes up" so much less frequently, or with less "force" than in the "original" life, more "deterministic", "unrestricted" things that the body itself will do. I've had so many thoughts while writing this last sentence, and could not record any of them, because I was writing the sentence. A much faster output is required to get all my thoughts out. Faster than voice. Maybe typing? =)

iPhone Notes

(A miscellanea of notes typed into my iPhone while at CMU)

Apr 29, 2010 3:53
About 40 hours awake and still in good shape… momentum seems to take control of most of my actions but I act very sensibly.

Jun 4, 2010 16:30
The asymmetry of girls with respect to boys includes that they are more sinuous… they know when are guys interested in them… and they get to choose. They don't need to be skilled… just walk around, be chased for a while, then take your pick. Guys… they gotta work rejection through rejection until they find something barely worth remembering, like a 5-minute dance.

Mar 17, 2010 18:37
GMB6041, crashed into today… but nice people!

Feb 21, 2010 15:10
Min: Chill whenever possible, but work really hard (Work hard, chill hard)
Ina: Expectation Minimization.
Antonio: Happy-Go Lucky.

Feb 17, 2010 20:31
Measuring a graph by its possibility of existence… hypothesis: power law graphs have an exponentially larger possibility of existence (likelihood).

Feb 17, 2010 6:35
The feeling of waking up naturally after a full 8 hours and not being in a hurry is… delicious.

Feb 16, 2010 15:40
The risk processor??? hardware implementation

Jan 20, 2010 21:39
When you start thinking about death, you wonder if it is really coming for you… especially after blood in the toilet and shaky feelings inside.

Jan 2, 2010 19:45
There is a constant rhythm, pulsations, at which an "important" thought is generated, and it increases when I'm stoned. That's why thoughts increase and are faster than normally, the thoughts, pulstations, come at about 3-4 per second.

Nov 13, 2009 14:18
Min said:
To close the gap, maybe we should just make humans more stupid.

Nov 9, 2009 22:33
Ina: Whatever advantage over Shing-Hon, no matter how meager it might be, is always a reason for joy.