Many natural processes are bursty, Christos said in his 15-826 class. Or something similar. I perceive that now, as I for some reason want to keep on writing stuff and stuff and more stuff. I just wrote about my dreams last night, and now I just want to write about how can I let out all of these little annoying secrets that I'm holding up inside. I have promised not to tell ANYONE about at least one of them, but I wonder... my parents have pretty much nothing to do with her.
A list of the secrets I hold:
Leaving the IMO 2000 test on the first day, so early...
Making out with my sister on that Winter of 2005-2006
Having had my cousin's daughter as my girlfriend for a few weeks
Making and holding a close friendship and sex relationship with *, my former coworker at Reddwerks.
Through this relationship, I contracted genital herpes. Or something similar, that apparently does not show up on tests.
Leila's "boyfriend" is actually a girl.
How much I trust the secrecy of Blogger...
I'd like to be free again.
I just have the feeling that much of fear and shame comes from secrets... not from the actual actions that secrets keep hidden, but mostly from having kept the secrets so long. I don't want to keep any more secrets. I do not tell the IMO secret because of intense shame, I don't tell about my sister because of fear she would mind, I don't tell of my cousin because of fear that she would mind, I don't tell of * because she doesn't want me to, I don't tell of my STD because it... has not come up in conversation. And it would be kinda weird if people were disgusted by it or by me... they know me now... would it be that different later on? And Leila's secret... I just promised. If I had not promised it'd be so out there... but I was entrusted with secrecy and I shall keep it... until my obligation ends.
A list of the secrets I hold:
Leaving the IMO 2000 test on the first day, so early...
Making out with my sister on that Winter of 2005-2006
Having had my cousin's daughter as my girlfriend for a few weeks
Making and holding a close friendship and sex relationship with *, my former coworker at Reddwerks.
Through this relationship, I contracted genital herpes. Or something similar, that apparently does not show up on tests.
Leila's "boyfriend" is actually a girl.
How much I trust the secrecy of Blogger...
I'd like to be free again.
I just have the feeling that much of fear and shame comes from secrets... not from the actual actions that secrets keep hidden, but mostly from having kept the secrets so long. I don't want to keep any more secrets. I do not tell the IMO secret because of intense shame, I don't tell about my sister because of fear she would mind, I don't tell of my cousin because of fear that she would mind, I don't tell of * because she doesn't want me to, I don't tell of my STD because it... has not come up in conversation. And it would be kinda weird if people were disgusted by it or by me... they know me now... would it be that different later on? And Leila's secret... I just promised. If I had not promised it'd be so out there... but I was entrusted with secrecy and I shall keep it... until my obligation ends.
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