Minority

The wish of writing has vanished. I feel too low-energy now. I feel somehow guilty for feeling negatively about myself. Haven't I said this beore? I believe I have. Anyway, I'm feeling down again. I was just thinking... what part of the population is virgin by the age of 24? I know it's not a race but... I don't think it's normal, is it? I mean, there's people who don't want to have sex until they get married, so that's cool - they're waiting. But what about a person who's NOT waiting - who's on the lookout but simply never gets anything? What's wrong with that kind of person? Well, I don't know. Actually, I kinda know - I'm just too idiotic to solve it.

I just feel sorry about myself. Such great luck, such great powers, and I just don't find a way to exploit them all. I feel like such a loser.

Which part of the population... no, you know what? What's the purpose of whining any more? I've whined quite a bit. I've analyzed my problems - not thoroughly, but thoroughness will not help in this case. I've seen love get created in less than minutes, and I take years to figure out what the trick is. Something is clearly amiss in my strategy.

You kno, I want a teacher - a female teacher, preferably, that can show me what's the proper way to treat a lady. I don't know what that really means. I've never known anything about that - I've even refused to learn it because it sounds so common, so frivolous, so "dumb". Now I yearn for it, if only to be appeased with the feeling of female company and care. I yearn for it so badly.

So why don't I go ask someone directly? Yeah, right. Excuse me, miss? Would you like to teach me how to treat ladies? I'm not good company and am not really funny, but I've been wanting a girlfriend pretty badly for some time now, and I think that the only way I'm getting one is if I somehow learn how to properly entertain ladies the way men are usually supposed to entertain ladies. You know - making them laugh, scaring them sometimes, giving them little but meaningful gifts like flowers and chocolates, smiling, looking at them to the eye while I'm talking to them... I don't really know how to do any of those. You probably won't like me at first because of this very reason, but you'll find I'm an eager and fast learner, so I'll probably be chatting you up before you know it. What do you say? Hmmm, that sounds almost OK to tell a girl. Well, maybe I will.

And if I don't do something similar, I risk real danger of staying single for years without end. I don't think I'm really scared about that - it's just really depressing to want something so much and not have it. Just natural to want some opposite-sex company for a mutual show-tell-and-use session, I think.

This darn entry ended up being just another depressing whine. What a bummer. You know, on Friday I was so close to getting intimate with a very attractive blonde girl. I have no idea - what did I do wrong? Not having kissed her? Having rubbed her waist the wrong way? She moved away - can I chase her without me looking like a loser? That's a real problem with never having had a real group of friends while in high school - NO social awareness whatsoever. Being a loner inside your own morally-confused family doesn't help either.

Maybe taking up drinking (alcohol) could help. That sure loosens up my tongue sometimes. Should I try that next weekend? Get a girl a drink, offer to spend the night with her (drinking at the bar), get tongue-loose with the self-intoxication, make her laugh several times, offer to spend the night with her (at her bed-containing place), lovingly kiss her gorgeous lips, fondle her body with lusty passion, slowly strip her of... (oops, getting too graphical)..........., and wake up right there the next morning, wrapped around her in a protective embrace, kiss her good morning and schedule the next meet-up? That sounds about right. Yeah, that's the plan for next weekend then. It's settled.

But before that, I will save this entry, close this blog, shut down my computer, and go to bed, for I should go to work tomorrow, and it's almost 2AM. And it is work which provides the money which allows for driving downtown and getting girls (and myself) drinks.