Sunday, December 31, 2023

Gratitud 2023

Este año he sentido y recibido maravillas, placeres, encuentros magicos, por los cuales me siento muy agradecido. Busco hoy escribir y compartir algunas de éstas conmigo mismo, con mi alma y con mi cuerpo.

A principios del año, tomé la decisión de visitar a seres en mi vida con quieres aún mantenía una conexión cercana. A cada uno de ellos visité, y a casi todos, les compartí mi nueva perspectiva, recibén desarrollada, sobre la existencia de Dios, la espiritualidad, y su rol en nuestras vidas, su influencia positiva si nos enfocamos en esos aspectos de nuestra vida. A mi familia, a Marcelo, a Pedro y a Auroar visité. Y a Anita. Cada conexión y visita causó gusto, y reoriente las conexiones sociales en mi interior hacia la aceptación de la espiritualidad en nuestras vidas.

Al volver a Suiza, conocí a Iris en un baile. Conexión nueva y cariñosa, prontamente nos acercamos y conocimos íntimamente, y encontré en ella una compañera con quien compartir alegrías, juegos, placer, y emociones sinceras y profundas. Compartimos vergüenzas, miedos, cara a cara en nuestros espacios íntimos, así suavizándolos y a veces soltándolos de nuestras vidas. Con ella navegué las emociones de celos, inseguridad sexual, culpa sexual, y siento que aprendí, y sigo aprendeido a soltar las cadenas que la sociedad ha impuesto sobre sus miembros con el nombre de monogamia. A través de este proceso, aprendo a guiarme, en mi camino, no por reglas y expectativas y tradiciones, sino simplemente por el amor de mi ser. Este aprendizaje requiere desarrollar discernimiento para conoer bien las raíces de nuestros impulsos, y confianza/valentía para actuar en los impulsos del amor, sea cual sea la forma que tomen.

Conocí también a Selina, con quien desarrollé una dulce e intensa conexión con mucho placer, y con quien navegué también los miedos de la culpa sexual en conjunto con Iris. Experimenté también con ella una satisfacción intensa durante el sexo, debido a su alta sensibilidad sexual. Mi niño juguetón y hombre protector disfrutaron y se nutrieron mucho de esta experiencia, y nos gustó mucho sentir nuestra alta intensidad sexual. Hermosas noches compartidas juntos en su cama.

Este año también viajé al evento MVU 2023 en Estonia, donde conocí a Lana, Aryana, y a Katrien, entre otras personas. Experiencias de sincronía mágica abundaron en ese evento, incluyendo el deseo simultáneo de Aryana y mío de encontrarnos en cierto momento, y de encontrarnos casi inesperadamente en el momento en que ella estaba a punto de enviarme un mensaje. También, la compra fortuita de dos objetos de comida, después de la cual me encontré por primera vez a una chica quien me ofreció compartir conmigo uno e los dos postres (yogurt? avena?) que ella tenía listo, pues así podíamos conocernos un poco. Tenía dos porque uno era para un amigo suyo, quien no atendió a la cita que habían hecho. Y luego, la resonancia linda con Lana, quien me envió la linda grabación que le femenino le dice al masculino. Hermosa grabación.

Agradezco el viaje a Montenegro que compartí con Iris. Agradezco el viaje a España y las ceremonias de Ayahuasca que compartí con Jean Claude. Agradezco el experimento de psicometría con el cual Jean Claude me ayudó, en el cual verifiqué para mí mismo la efectividad de la intuición. Agradezco la fiesta de Polyball que atendí con Iris, y las horas de trabajo que disfruté ayudando a crear las decoraciones de papel.

Y estos días, en particular agradezco el hogar, cálido, acogedor, que Tilda y yo hemos llegado a compartir, desarrollar, crecer, amar. Este hogar en el que compartimos gozo, historias, sueños, gratitudes, cocina y comida, baile, música y canto, y poesía, y nos vemos reflejados el uno en el otro con una resonancia que sentimos en el alma, mientras nos vemos sentados en lados opuestos de la mesa, y nos sumergimos y a veces perdemos en nuestros ojos. Agradezco mucho la oportunidad de, junto con ella, aprender a amar, a nosotros mismos y a todo el alrededor.


Dolor

El Amor también trae dolor. Placer y dolor.

Mientras más profundo se siente uno, más profundo se siente el otro. Porque lo que el Amor nos muestra, a donde nos guía, es a la Verdad Completa. Y eso incluye lo más profundo de nuestro Ser, quien es capaz de sentir los más profundos matices de dolores, gozos, placeres, y calmas.

La Verdad que el Amor muestra me lleva a sentir dolores profundos. Y los dolores piden ser vistos, sentidos, apropiados como parte del Ser completo que Soy.

Gracias Amor, por mostrarme esta profundidad de placeres y de dolores. Tengo la intención de enfrentarme a ellos todos. Con confianza en mí mismo y en el Amor, en la Vida. Confío en que siguiendo mi propio camino, guiado por mi corazón, continuaré practicando el escuchar al amor de mi corazón, el discernir entre los impulsos de miedo y de amor, y a continuar eligiendo el amor, para explorarme, descubrirme y conocerme, cada vez más, en toda mi profundidad y en mi inmensidad.

No me escondo ni me apresuro. Aquí estoy.
Aquí siento.
Aquí vivo.
Aquí sigo.

Te sigo, Amor. A través del placer y del dolor. Y al miedo escucho, y no le huyo. Lo enfrento, lo siento, lo entiendo, lo acepto como parte de mí.




Saturday, December 30, 2023

Holy Grail

The problem with assigning anything
The role of the Holy Grail
In our inner world of desires
Is that then we turn blind
Unidimensional
To the variety of this wondrous world
It is that then we will seek nothing higher
Nothing purer
Nothing sublimer
Nothing truer
And then the world becomes a
Fallacious closed set
In which Life stagnates and withers
Like a sapling severed from sunlight.

The problem with a final answer
Is that it subdues the Conscious Observer
With the false promise of finality.
It prevents further InSpiration
Until we let go of the belief
That in that answer lay finality
And are willing to travel further.
To Live Again.

Partner

Ah. I see.

We do not hide our sexuality because we believe it is indecent.
Or filthy.
Or repugnant.
Or shameful.

Not truly.
Not deeply.
Not in the deep memories of our ancestors.

We hide it because that is where we have felt the most hurt.
Because that is where our sensitivity is intensest.
Because it is the densest physical channel between the polarities
Which grab and grope and pierce and cling and struggle and damage
Coarsely and clumsily and reactively
Compelled by the primal animal forces
Lust and fear 
Before they realize that their fellow connector
Is a partner, and not a tool.

Ah.

La Diferencia

La diferencia entre una mirada de atracción sexual
Que se siente limpia, apreciativa, estética,
Que da gusto y se siente bien recibir
Y una mirada de deseo sexual
Que se siente sucia, fea, repulsiva,
Que disgusta e inspira temor

Es que la primera siente los límites energéticos
Invisibles, mas tangibles
Impuestos por la persona mirada
Naturales, con frecuencia inconscientes,
Y los observa. Se mantiene afuera de su espacio íntimo.
La segunda no.

Friday, December 29, 2023

The Path of Love

The path of Love
Ah, I see now.
Tis the path of Truth
With clean, open channels
From the core to the skin.
Tis the path of Trust
With gentle, clear listening
Of my signals within.
Tis the path of Courage
To hold onto Truth
However unusual.
Tis the path of Service
Rejoicing in sharing
What's best for the whole.

We are children of life.
She wants us to live, to learn, to grow, to thrive, to enjoy.
To do so, we need only heed her voice and let her lead us
To the lessons in life
Correct and timely for us.
And as we do so, we also learn to trust the signs inside
Our guiding, signaling heart,
To guide our life.

Life is telling us:
"Yes, yes, you can trust yourself. Listen and follow."

River

My body but the earthen channel
Carved and moulded by the river
I truly am.

My stories but the silt
My flow has left behind.

Tis not the aim to safeguard this channel
Nor towards any direction to go.
For we all end up in the ocean
Once we've lived through the length of our flow.

May I flow full with waters of love
May I be grateful for others in my path.
May I trust in the wisdom of my heart.




Wednesday, December 27, 2023

Woman Within

Woman, do you feel
Your energy rise
As the eyes of man lay upon you?

As he follows your slopes
Past the veil of your clothes
And imagines how it is to feel you?

Do you sense it within
As he traces your skin
Along the naked curves you've deliberately chosen?

Does it please you to know
That he's drawn to you so
That his body and mind become frozen?

I wonder if their draw to you feeds
Your self-worth, and makes you then need
To excel in the crowd to feel well.

If so, realize your addiction
If you are to let go of the fiction
That your value only they can tell.

Your bones, skin, and flesh
Their wonderful mesh
Is not built to be appraised, but to be.

It's all meant for you
And though others see it too
Their perception is often deceived.

Look at you yourself
But deeper, your full wealth
Of the being you sense, think, and feel.

And therein then seek
The roots of your unique
Set of desires, pains, and fears.

Within you may find
Truths below the mind
Which when lit, will help you to heal.

For we all carry wounds
And if you heal them soon
Soon also you'll live much freer.

Tuesday, December 26, 2023

Pleasure

Learning to Love
Is practicing Pleasure
Following true Pleasure
Of the body, of the soul
While listening to the other
To the self and to the other
And following pleasure
Always pleasure
Of the whole.

One learns thereby
Via the magic synchronicities that nourish our Trust
That pleasure
Sought with the knowledge
That the other is in essence oneself
Equates to service
True service
Not mandatory good-doing
Not the mythical, martyred, nor self-ignoring altruism.
It's service
Of the self and of the whole
With the knowledge that the unit
Grows not truly
Is not truly
Without the whole.
We grow together.
For we are one.

Practicing true search of pleasure
Unabashed, uninhibited, unhindered by the imagined expectations of others
Softly, gradually, at the pace of nature,
Teaches one to trust in the signals of the self
Those subtle signals I don't know a word for
The length of an instant
The strength of a wisp
Those silent voices so often waysided
For they have no argument like those of the mind.
They do not justify nor persuade.
They are. For an instant.

Those tiny inner voices
Nevertheless guide us clear
From the depths of our truth
If we dare to listen and trust.

That which one truly desires
That one hides because it shines so much
That we fear others will stare
That we fear others will laugh
That we fear others will condemn
That we fear to try lest we fail
That we fear to try lest we were wrong
That we fear to try lest we succeed.
That desire.
THAT desire.
In the large and in the small.
In the now and overall.
Yes, that desire.
Find it and
Unhusk it to the core,
To unveil yourself of the delusion
That you desire a proxy
Instead of what you really really want.

Unhusk it via Why.
Why do I desire that?
For which reason or which purpose?
Find the true reason or purpose,
Discard the husk, now follow the trail...
Why do I desire THAT?
Discard the husk, now follow the trail...
Why do I desire THAT?
And so on.
And so on.
Until you reach that shining, essential
Aim or Longing
Reasonless, purposeless
That one desires because one desires because one desires.
Then follow THAT.

Feel and listen, as the aim
Moves and morphs with time
Yet keep your attention on it
Keep following it
Evermore.
Thus Live you through a sparkling path of
Purpose and Pleasure in the Truth of the Search.
Thus Live you
In Love.

Monday, December 25, 2023

Sutil

Las fotografías no capturan
Las memorias más profundas.
Las palabras no transmiten
Los sentimientos más sutiles.

Ambas herramientas son redes
Muy burdas, muy gruesas
Para sujetar los finísimos flujos
Que componen nuestro ser esencial.



Collective Hesitance

It is in the fearful reverence and frozen awe towards, and in the ignorance-induced hesitation to change or dethrone, that which provides us with comfort or structure

And in the oblivious lethargy that has lost Truth under the countless layers of conditions, expectations, and fears piled up and unresolved since birth

That lies the blockage that prevents the bulk of the populace from

Revolting against systems grown on the obsolete premises of

Deceptive pretense, Exploitative optimization, Fearful Prohibition and Punishment.

Love

Fear fosters Survival
By pushing against and rejecting that which causes pain
At times also hurting and causing pain to the other
By Design.

But when the units of one Organism have grown to a certain critical mass,
And the borders between them become denser, nearer, tighter,
The strategy of Fear turns counterproductive
For any pain that occurs between them, intentful or not,
Will induce more frequent Fear Reactions,
Which with borders so near and restrictions so tight,
Will bump back and forth and ignite one another's
Repeatedly,
Tit for tat,
Hurling force, blame, and hurt back and forth and around them
In a sustainable chain reaction
Which like nuclear fission
If allowed to grow unchecked,
To become supercritical,
Leads to exponential growth of released energy
And violent explosion therefore.

Thus is the strategy of Fear unsustainable
As the Human Organism grows
In these times of precise knowledge,
And near-instant communications.
Not only are our borders millimetered and grasped tight,
Territorial, Political, Economic, Cultural, Individual
But our reactions have sped up immensely
And disallow extant energies to dissipate and cool down
As longer times may have allowed before.

Danger lurks near
If we continue to rely on Fear
To guide our visions and decisions.

If we continue to focus on pushing hard
Against the shapes of our borders
Unwilling to budge inwards,
Yet content to overlook
"Accidental" trespasses outwards.

If we continue to worship
Formality, Tradition, Rigidity
Of humans, of systems, of faces, of clothes,
Unwilling to admit the Truth of our Insides,
Our Failures, Lies, Insecurities, Doubts,
Our Emotions, Confusions, Hurts, Victim Mentalities,
Of the Innocent Sincerity within that is silenced
Clasped shut under the iron makeup of the image
We still project to satisfy the expectations of others.

If we continue to believe that the borders around us
That the shape and size and prestige we encompass
Is the identity that defines us.
Territorial, Political, Economic, Cultural, Individual.

The alternative to the Strategy of Fear
Is the Strategy of Love.

When faced with hurt or startle,
Fear hurts back, pulls away, or tightens,
Fight, Flight or Freeze
Promoting turbulence in the Flow.

When faced with hurt or startle,
Love seeks the cause and sees it,
Observes it, unhurried, curious to understand
The full length of the thread
Its why's and its how's
Woven between the perceived Cause
And that which it rattled in Oneself.

It understands that the "Problem", the source of the hurt,
Is not necessarily in the other.
It could lie in oneself,
It could lie in the context,
It could lie in all three.

It understands that in Truth lies Harmony,
If we are cognizant and willing
To adjust and discard within us what does not align
With Truth.
Down to our Core.
No matter how uncomfortable such changes may feel.
No matter how much our prized long-held identity
Turns out to be False.

If we notice and drop and shed
The masks and veils and layers
That have encumbered us for so long
As we placed them around us and used them for shelter
Across the ages, along our life,
To avoid feeling the immensity and intensity of the Truth
With the supremely tender, subtle essence of our Beings,

Then can we allow Love to flow
Within us.
To light the forgotten
To heal what is wounded
To clean up our channels
So they may correctly,
In accordance with Harmony,
Relate to the rest of the World.

Thus proceeds Love
To care for, to clean, a hurting relationship
With another.
Not with Separative Survival
But with Blended Harmony.

One realizes the discomfort,
Stays his startled thoughts, body, and emotions,
And remembers to observe.
Refrains from blame.
Aims to understand.
Desires to know what ignorance within him
Or misshapen structure between them
Allowed this hurt to happen.

Love knows that such hurts and startles
Are not only unsolvable villains to guard against
But with humility at its side,
Knows them as signals of what we do not yet know.
Of the dynamics we do not yet understand
Of the neighbors we have not yet come to bond with
In a manner that recognizes them as
Vessels of Essential Life like our own.
With fears, hurts, confusions like our own.
With false identities, lies, and shames like our own.
Just as hesitant as us to show their true Softness
For fear that it will be considered Weakness.
And let loose the greedy vultures upon them.

Love aims to Understand
Even in the presence of Discomfort.
It is summoned by conscious awareness
To calm the animal reactions
To recognize oneself in the other
And to sacrifice our incompatible lies and layers
To the health of the one Being we are.

Wednesday, December 20, 2023

Sexual Cocktail

When one comes to understand and accept
The nature of one's motives, the fuel for one's actions,
To release the long-held shames inherited from the collective,
The oft-revered and almost mythical glamour
Of sexual encounter, engagement, culmination, and satisfaction
Is seen for the gelatinous cocktail of energies that it is:

A furtive eruption of the body's sexual waves
Otherwise suppressed under the veneer of decency,

A quest for self-worth validated by
The approval, domination, or seduction of the other,
Which sparkles brightest in a new connection,

And the (re)discovery of one's own sensual compass,
The guidance of our own pleasure,
So oft forgotten and buried under
The rushes and veils of justified civility.

Once these energies find acceptance
In the judgy courts of the mind
The sexual tendrils within,
Now unhindered by sullied connotations,
Can regrow and unswell to find balance
And proper function amidst the rest.

Tuesday, December 19, 2023

Inwards

Again and again and again
Life points us inwards.

Is the answer in that prize?
Ah no, tis but a mirage.
The desire to acquire it was in me.

Is the answer in that house?
Ah no, its comfort cannot rouse
The life threads that weave out from me.

Is the answer in that money?
Ah no, though it tastes like honey
The sweetness I perceive is in me.

Is the answer in my friends?
Ah no, they have their own journeys to tend,
And none of their paths can be mine.

Is the answer in romance?
Ah no, past the initial sparkling trance,
I'm again faced with just me.

Is the answer in my tribe?
Ah no, though it may nurture a healthy vibe,
The question is still unsolved in me.

Is the answer in that book?
Ah no, it only reminded me to look
Into what lives inside of me.

Is the answer in that technique?
Ah no, the predictable turned bleak.
It merely churned what is in me.

Is the answer in that magic plant?
Ah no, for though its powers seem to enchant
It merely brightened the light that was in me.

Is the answer in that dance?
Ah no, that only gave me the chance
To notice the vast subtle in me.

Is the answer in the skies?
Ah no, in their turning only lies
A symbol of the cycles in me.

Is the answer in that cave?
Ah no, the silence that it gave
Just allowed me to listen to me.

Is the answer in that master?
Ah no, though he may help realize it faster,
The realization is about me.

Is the answer in my mind?
Ah no, for it wishes to leave the question behind,
And the question is a crucial part of me.

Oh ho ho, is this chase then truly the fuel of our story?
And the mythical answer would but smother its glory?
Like we were looking all along to somehow stop and win.
Yet the only truth is the neverending flowing Within.

May Be.

Thursday, December 14, 2023

The smile of the woman

The smile of the woman
The surrender of the desired
To me, the desirer...
Wherein lies its value?
Wherefrom comes the energy that fuels
The drive for me to seek it
The delight that floods my senses upon satisfaction?
What is the nature of the substance
Of which this value, desire, value, beauty lies?
The essence of that smile
The substance of which that fulfillment is made
What is it?
Wherefrom it rises?
That...
Sparkling....
Light...
Delight...

Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Aspects to Accept (Unfinished)

Jealousy of the classmate towards another
The sexual attraction towards another
The state of confusion or if disillusionment in life
The anger against another, repressed hidden contained.
The state of our body - its geometry, its aliveness, its fluids and capacities and limitations.
The genuine and intense excitement we feel towards anything in particular.

Friday, December 1, 2023

Substructural Iteration

The self-recursive, ever-encompassing Observer
Observes and observes and blooms Consciousness
Experiences and experiences and wakes to Awareness
Wonders and ponders unto Realization
And realizes the dream that were His knowledge
His experiences
His pains and pleasures and desires and ventures

Realizes the Secret of Himself
The stream in the endless river
The unit in the ordered Everything
And proceeds to take His rightful Place and Purpose
In the Weave of the All

Competition

Do we not speak with each other
in these anonymous cities
nor recognize each other's presence
except as moving obstacles
as we wait at the bus stop
as we walk the same sidewalk
as we queue at the grocery store
as we share the train home
as we meet on the hallways
because we see each other as competition?
as opponents, as adversaries
in an endless race to gather resources
we think we crave?

competing for space
competing for priority
competing for food
competing for sex
competing for attention
competing for acceptance
competing for money
competing for jobs
competing to prove we are worthy
or whatever it may mean,
that we are better or best?
competing to achieve milestones
like in some perennial Bingo card?

competing for that famed Ever-Happiness
so often revealed as mirage?
Do we treat each other like schoolchildren
whose parents warn them not to mingle
with some because they're poor, rich, or "racial",
too rough, too dandy, or too strange?
Do we still hold our outreach to others
at the limits of others' tolerances
though they may well now feel like our own?

Can we see through our limits of understanding
into these humans we've thought of as outsiders
and realize the source of our fragmentation
is not how different they are, but us?
just us.
it is us.