Junkies

I ponder on the motives that bring me to write. Anything, this, when I write... what drives me? Why do I do it?

The first motive is often the impulse to express. I come across something in the realm of ideas, of thoughts, and there is something particular that feels sparklier than the rest. A thought or idea worthy of sharing, worthy of keeping. My tool to do that is writing. Thence comes the first impulse to write.

I notice at these moments, that other motives often, and rather quickly, attach to this endeavour. Some of them are:

1. I want other people to see/notice how original/creative/insightful/verbally fluid I am. Craving for attention, for social approval. Like sugar, it feels.

2. I want to keep it as a precious memento, another pearl to add onto my bead. An item to add to my collection, the next one in the set of hundreds. It is a desire of hoarding, of accumulation and satisfaction of having.

3. Recognition. This is the same as the first.

4. Self-growth. I think: "This is valuable. It may yet help me in times that I have forgotten this. These words will bring me back to this idea, and allow me to shift my perspective to the one I have now, which I consider valuable".

5. To prove a point. Sometimes my thought or idea arises as a response to something I heard or something I see in the world around me, usually endorsed by other people. Then sometimes my desire of writing turns toward the aim of proving another wrong. Of competition, of argument, towards the aim of superseding the other's opinion with mine.

I notice these secondary motives arise after the first, and they attach themselves to the action, looking to derive value from it. Like junkies waiting for the next hit, they see a new likely source of value, and they launch themselves upon it, trying to derive their share from that expression.

Like junkies looking for their next hit.