- My mind reeled from 3:30 am, when it woke up to a lusty body, erect and restless; hungry for more of Sara's soft, steamy caresses. For seven hours it turned again and again and again, fantasizing the explosion of my inner beast in the main circle in the morning.
- I was seeing connection between a man and a woman to be binary. It either happened, or it didn't happen, in which case I was left a rejected emotional mess, licking my wounds for days. Today, tonight, at temple night it occurs in many different shades in between. WE do not merely search for someone, and either "catch" them or "not catch" them. We interact with one another like fluids. A look here, a touch there, perhaps a dance, perhaps a massage, perhaps a release [a parting]. There is space to realize that fear of release is unnecessary. AS this stream diverges, another soon likely comes. It helps immensely to allow all streams to run freely, rather than damming and coercing the streams in fixed paths. For in a damned and propertied flow, we cannot truly trust the streams to find us, and to continue flowing we claim our pieces of current quickly, before the others do, and only dam it further.
- In the temple night, we do not claim and keep and guard our currents. We share them with each other. We share.
- Envy can be a strong drive to leave our current, to want another. I saw three different pairs of man/woman playing sensually, and I realized this envy wanted to be in one position just as much as in the others. It didn't realize it couldn't be in more than one role at once, yet it wanted all of them. A desperate child in a candy store. Let us realize envy seeks the impossible: it seeks to replace an irreplaceable role with another. It seeks to change the unchangeable now.
- Grateful towards witnesses.
[Notes written near the end of ISTA Switzerland L1, Oct 2019]
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