block

when do I block?
from speaking

when the upcoming wave confirms my advantage
my desirable attribute
joyfully states my own state
and feels like superiority

when it contains a hidden desire
like "I want to caress your face and sleep with you"
or a fuzzy desire
like "I want to connect with you and I don't know why. I'm not sure if it's sexual, and I don't know whether saying this makes it seem like it is. I just feel a connection and would like to explore it."

when its intention does not find
fully aligned words
and my writer mind courses the sea of vocabulary to find a good one
unwilling to allow doubt
untruth
spurious or exaggerated or misconstruable words onto the world.
and it blocks
like a sphincter blocking urine
asking it to restate what it has to say
or to defer onto another time.

and when its expression would cross what I feel are the boundaries of comfort
mute and assumed, learned by unconscious imitation
unknowing reproduction of patterns, barriers,
since generations past.