yes as much as I don't like to ad mit it,
I make palns
I plan, I think of alternatives, I branch out into possibilities, unthought-of scenarios, seek out the best one, keep searching, optimize, re-optimize, think about them more, I make plans. I do, even if I don't like to admit it. (Yes, Maria, I'm thinking of you when I say this).
Because making plans is not "spontaneous", it's "lame" sometimes. But when you have goals, and your mind is set on achieving those goals, plans help, you see. They blueprint your way to what you want. It's a puzzle, a game to solve, and a successful plan is very satisfactory when it happens.
So I make plans because at some point in my life, I had goals. I had objectives, dreams, desires to do so much, to go places, to do things, to meet people. And some I accomplished, some I didn't. Some with plans, some without. But the plans certainly helped. They helped me jump from branch to branch, swing myself to the next step. Always the next step. Forward, forward. Driven by desire, guided by my plans. And the thrill of it burned inside me always.
And then... just before launching myself off to the next branch, this shiny little treehouse appeared on a closer branch. Just like I once imagined I could have. And I though, "eh, I could use some rest, I guess". So I signed into the treehouse, took my time, and I've been reveling in its comfort for over two thirds of a year now. Exactly two thirds, if I estimate correctly. And how do I feel?
Incomplete.
What to do when desires fade, when people leave, when your connections spread too far and too thin to keep close touch with? When distance dilutes trust and companionship, and you're left staring at the ceiling every night, silently desperate for purpose and companionship in this life that seems to have gone slow and cold?
I sought help. I received a promise, and for 5 or 6 months I've held on to that promise. And that just made me stagnate, waiting for a moment that never came during this year. 10 days are left for it to happen, and I'll guess that it simply won't. But finally, I do hope, I will be free to have new goals and plans again, even if that means signing out of this shiny new treehouse, and jumping off to other unknown branches. Life is for the living, you know...
I make palns
I plan, I think of alternatives, I branch out into possibilities, unthought-of scenarios, seek out the best one, keep searching, optimize, re-optimize, think about them more, I make plans. I do, even if I don't like to admit it. (Yes, Maria, I'm thinking of you when I say this).
Because making plans is not "spontaneous", it's "lame" sometimes. But when you have goals, and your mind is set on achieving those goals, plans help, you see. They blueprint your way to what you want. It's a puzzle, a game to solve, and a successful plan is very satisfactory when it happens.
So I make plans because at some point in my life, I had goals. I had objectives, dreams, desires to do so much, to go places, to do things, to meet people. And some I accomplished, some I didn't. Some with plans, some without. But the plans certainly helped. They helped me jump from branch to branch, swing myself to the next step. Always the next step. Forward, forward. Driven by desire, guided by my plans. And the thrill of it burned inside me always.
And then... just before launching myself off to the next branch, this shiny little treehouse appeared on a closer branch. Just like I once imagined I could have. And I though, "eh, I could use some rest, I guess". So I signed into the treehouse, took my time, and I've been reveling in its comfort for over two thirds of a year now. Exactly two thirds, if I estimate correctly. And how do I feel?
Incomplete.
What to do when desires fade, when people leave, when your connections spread too far and too thin to keep close touch with? When distance dilutes trust and companionship, and you're left staring at the ceiling every night, silently desperate for purpose and companionship in this life that seems to have gone slow and cold?
I sought help. I received a promise, and for 5 or 6 months I've held on to that promise. And that just made me stagnate, waiting for a moment that never came during this year. 10 days are left for it to happen, and I'll guess that it simply won't. But finally, I do hope, I will be free to have new goals and plans again, even if that means signing out of this shiny new treehouse, and jumping off to other unknown branches. Life is for the living, you know...
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