lonelines crept up on me like a maggot hiding in a corner, just waiting for my first moment by myself. guilt threatens, and imagined future memoties in the snow and in the kitchen disappear into a parallel unmet universe. The skiing trip onto the house in the mountains, the ice skating practice sessions, the chinese and spanish one-on-one lessons... are all just vanishing future memories.
Terrified of losing myself into us, I cut you from me like I would a loving leech. You overbore me with your energy, and your joys, and your passions, and though delightful, I found little in it that was mine. I tore from you so I might keep and grow myself. I have yet skillls to learn, people to meet, ideas to consider and to assimilate, before I'm willing to invest myself into us. Now, I want to invest myself into myself.
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