Journal
Nov 6th: Beyond the colors exercise,I decided to follow the exercise for prophecy before sleeping. I don’t remember having dreams THAT interesting, but I woke up at 5AM, which was unusual. I felt fine and energetic too, if only a bit too cozy under my blankets.
Nov 7th: Postponed the Breathing 2 exercise until about 11AM, when I slipped into a bathroom stall and did it there. It was great! I felt quite a bit of energy go through me, and most noticeably, a pressure formed on my chest, energetic and oh so tangible! It felt as if a horizontal wooden bar were pressing against my chest, and it felt stronger the more I continued with the exercise.
Felt the energy and the bar again tonight while doing B2 on the stairs. The colors exercise felt vivid.
Nov 17th: I just rediscovered this makeshift journal under my Psych Energy book. I am very pleased to find it - I had forgotten about it, and was about to throw it away.
Today I woke up late and had little time for my morning Pyschic exercises - I barely had my egg + pills + cinnamon/honey breakfast before rushing off to lunch with Bhiksha. I stuffed away all my Psychic exercises into a two-hour session in the Reading Room. Breathing exercises feels well now, stronger feelings come with stronger focus. C3 is feeling better, and I tried Hot + Cold for the first time. I was able to feel genuine cold on my hands and forearms, but not much farther. I will keep practicing this exercise.
I want to obtain a proper notebook for my journal. This is nice, but it might not be spacious enough for the use I plan to give it.
Nov 21st:
I write this on the 22nd. Yesterday’s exercises from the Psychic Energy book went fine. I feel more focus, gradually, day by day. I have downs when I keep my worldly matters in mind, but I feel an improving trend in focus and effect on me. It is soothing (the Psychic Energy book exercises).
But most noteworthy from yesterday were the rites from Peter Kelder’s book. I have been feeling changes in my mental states as I exhale during the 3rd rite, at most every repetition. The change is strong, temporary, and it feels like I did when I tried marihuana. My mind buzzes off in unusual directions, my whole being feels swayed, or just so soft… a few times I’ve lost consciousness (or so I think), and I wake up on the floor, in some position. I think the spinal stimulus helps to induce this marked change.
Nov 24th:
Today, Thanksgiving, I woke up afternoon, and worked on MATLAB for little over an hour, as I watched a perfectly blue sky beyond my window, beautiful on my eyes, but unable to feel it on my skin. I urged myself to stop working, and after my “morning notice??”, I went out for a walk.
Oh what a beautiful walk! It was windy and cool, almost warm enough to allow a t-shirt alone. But eventually I ceded to the wind and put on the blue hoodie I had stored in my backpack.
Craig St and Forbes were almost empty, due to Thanksgiving, I suppose. Héroes del Silencio was on my mind as I burst out the door, and the beautiful, empty scene compelled me to sing their lyrics to the top of my lungs, and I did so all the way to Schenley Plaza and across teh Panther Hollow bridge. Some people were around, some turned to look at me, one walked right past me. And I felt so great, just singing, shouting, that that instant was the first one of the rest of their lives. Beautiful.
I found an area under a bridge, full of remains of either a homeless shelter, a meeting place for graffitiers/intellectuals, and/or a campsite. Two mattresses, a few sleeping bags, one or two blankets, scattered books, a torn trash bag paralyzed in time in its attempt to leak empty beer cans. About 20-30 scattered tampons, each still neatly enclosed in its plastic wrapping, a few exposed. Graffiti on the wall about Love, Truth, and realization for he/she who seeks it. Everything had a few layers of dirt and dried-up humidity on it.
I considered lengthily staying there for a night, but then last night’s copious meal came to the end of my bowels, and I had the choice of defecating under the bridge, surrounded by chilly-ish wind, with the only toilet paper around me, a squished, almost-empty roll laying on the dirt, or walking to campus and finding a toilet. I chose the latter.
During my defecating and for a while later, I read up a chapter of my Psychic Energy book, on how to influence others. The exercises explained there is to be done three times a day, before preparing for a big influence, to accumulate Energy… I want to do this daily to build up a plentiful reserve of energy.
It’s almost midnight, and I’m due for my evening exercises. But just as a last comment, oh, two last comments:
- I made Roasted Peppers & Butternut Squash today. Both delicious successes. Yeah! “Expand your dimensionality”. =)
- I’m accumulating quite a bit of Psychic Exercises. I wonder which to include in the daily habit, which to do only on special occasions, etc… I think I’ll figure it out =)
Jan 1st, 2012:
The first day of the calendar year was quite eventful and enjoyable to me. Actually, I’ll start with yesterday, since I slept not a minute last night.
Since this weekend was not only a weekend, but it also included a major holiday, and I had completed my Task List on my phone, I decided to disconnect from electronics for a while. Before going to sleep on Friday (Dec 30th), after a 2-hour Skype call with Echo, I switched off my phone & my laptop, and decided to keep them off for the weekend.
First thing next morning, I woke up with memories of my dream, and I decided to record it somehow. Since handwriting would probably prove to be much too slow for my fleeting memories, I bent my own rule and turned my phone on to record it on voice memo.
I then broke the rule again when transcribing the dream to the computer, and since Juanita’s voicemail popped up on my phone, I called her to confirm next Saturday’s class. And for piano exercise timing. Other than that, my electronics have been off.
Then I made a list of activities I wanted to engage in during the weekend. I went through them during the day - I cleaned my desk, gave away my FuelPerks, drew a little, and read my Psychic Energy & Tai Chi books. Oh, and had dinner @ Noodles & Company.
That night, I made a mandarine candle (after one failed attempt), and followed the book’s instructions to see in a mirror how I looked in previous lives. As the book described, sometimes the whole image clouded and began to reveal changes in my features, but the candle flame was too dim to tell for certain. I noticed clearly one or two+ times though, that my face became completely blank, leaving only its oval silhouette in its stead. Sometimes it disappeared entirely, allowing me to see a blank mirror. And some other faces I saw were: a man with a fuller beard (but could’ve been me because of dim lighting), a man, egyptian-like, with a black headdress or headband (but same reason as previous), and someone with curved eyebrows, in an arch facing downwards, but I couldn’t distinguish anything else.
After 10 minutes of attempting that experiment, I used the remaining oil in the candle to “meditate in the light”. I sat still and focused on the flame, clearing any other thoughts that came along. I found it impressive how often the flame followed my involuntary eye twitches, and not my eye the flame. I do think I attuned with the flame last night.
Then I attempted to sleep. But either because of much accumulated energy inside me or because of the deep breathing pattern I had adopted, I failed. I lay down and tried to sleep, and couldn’t. I estimate I spent 2-3 hours in bed, trying several thoughts to reach sleep.
I finally decided to get up and walk around on the dark streets. My microwave told me it was 4:55AM. I walked to, around, and into St. Paul’s Cathedral, luckily open for New Year’s Day. I focused on the moment, as I did so, then came back.
Oh yes, so last night, I also read the introduction of the Tai Chi book, and learned/practiced the first 3 or 5 movements. Probably 3.
After my walk and morning rituals (in which I newly included RX21), I walked out, headed to Flagstaff, wanting to greet the New Year with my newly learned Tai Chi & impromptu choreography as I learned in ChoreoLab earlier, umm, last year. On the way there, I realized I had a much closer grassy area available to me: that around the Cathedral of Learning and Heinz Chapel. So I went there.
I found a great spot on the “mezzanine” grass level next to the pathway under the Cathedral of Learning. I’ve noticed I seldom see it unless I’m in observation mode. So, very grassy area, slightly secluded, I put my stuff on a corner tree with yellow cherries and began to salute.
I danced the improv movements of fluid limb movement, which Ashley Valo said she “couldn’t stop watching”. I then saluted the four cardinal directions by touching the ground with knees straight, then raising my arms. Then I practiced the Tai Chi I had learned a few times, then I made more improv dance - first fast, then I realized I might want to slow them down, Tai Chi style, slowly shifting weight, focusing on each movement. So I did.
After about 20-30 minutes of this, I wondered what else to do, and then water started falling from the sky. I guess it was very probable given the blue and white under a predominant, faster grey in the New Year morning sky. So I dedicated my actions to the New Year, to that spot, to Nature, and left (with an umbrella over me).
I then went back, slept 3 hours after sleepily trying to handle the guitar, had mashed potato lunch, and left for CMU (@3).
Walked to CFA, noticed the piano rooms were locked. I found an empty room with a cushiony chair, and practiced the Psychic Energy exercises of lifting my body. Then I took the pendant I carry that I found in Austin, and used it as my pendulum. I did the exercises I learned in Liberating Greatness, and then asked it questions the way Maia and the book told me to. It performed admirably on the questions I knew the answer to, so I adopted it as my pendulum.
I was then walking around other CFA rooms when I heard a strong wind howl. It howled again, and again, so I walked outside to experience it.
The wind was portentous, Powerful, wild, strong, immense, I saw it rapidly push clouds above me, so fast, so beautifully. The wind seemed to be staying for a while, so I walked to Flagstaff Hill.
Sure enough, the Hill was being hit full-on by the powerful gusts coming in from the west-ish/south-ish. I extended my arms to feel it hit my body, my shirt, pants, and naked arms and face, with its unmitigated strength.
The moment was magnificent. I was alone on the Hill, clouds, gray and white, were traveling towards me at a portentous speed, the naked trees’ branches rattled and hissed together in unmatched harmony, and the winds, strong, palpable, cool and fresh to the skin, waved my clothes and swept my skin as I delighted in the beautiful clash of approaching grey clouds, peaceful grassy hill, fresh, strong windstorm, and a golden sun, dimmed behind a huge moving curtain of grey.
*
I danced. I felt like I should dance again to celebrate such an occasion, such a moving moment. I first extended my arms and legs, receiving the wind into me, visualizing its energy entering and becoming part of me, and I breathed deeply in to absorb the energy of the ground, the sky, the beauty before me.
I then waved my arms and hands fluidly, as in the morning. But this time, I visualized playing with the wind. As it came to me, I summoned it further from afar. My arms and hands pulled at it, swayed it around, telling it to come more and stronger oh, and it did. When I pulled its energy towards me, I felt the gusts arrive to obey me. I pulled at them singly, as if breathing them in with my hands and arms. Or I waved continuously at it, summoning a larger gust and long strong bursts, as shown in Avatar: The Last Airbender. They all worked. I moved with the wind, and it with me. As I turned to dance on with what my feet told me, my arms seemed to follow their own will of dancing, and they pushed and pulled the wind as if it were water in a pond. My body swayed to its feelings, and I felt attuned with my body and the wind, and the Moment. “Focus on the Now”.” Can you keep your body and your spirit from being scattered?”
I believe I did. In bursts, some longer than others, but I truly felt centered on what I was doing, and I enjoyed it so thoroughly. Sometimes I summoned the wind, sometimes I danced to it, accepting it however it came.
So magnificent. At times I waved my arms chaotically summoning it from many directions and indeed the wind hit me from all sides. It was as if I felt the wind… and through that I knew its form, and could play with it.
Sometimes the wind was so strong that my body buckled back, and I bent my knees, and tensed my body strongly to stay my ground. It was a momentous, magnificent, magical experience. A game between the wind and me.
Around 1+ (1-2?) hours later, my left leg was shaking, and I touched my hands to my legs to help them warm up. I felt one or two water drops, and when I opened my eyes, they saw the dark blue episode between sunset and dusk, teh grass also correspondingly darker, and a much larger portion of the clouds colored thick grey. My arms were cold, and my left leg kept shaking. So I decided to go back.
My arms were really cold. They didn’t warm up easily even after holding them to a hot radiator in Baker Hall. They just felt cold, as if not only the skin was cold, but the muscles, sinews, and bone inside, too. They warmed up gradually after I put my hoodie on.
Then I had Palak Paneer dinner, I made 2 cups of rice for the week, and I wrote this journal entry. I also performed the Inspiration exercise halfway through the entry - at the star mark at the wind dance. It worked quite nicely - word came out fluently, though it seems, not always in an easily-readable sequence. It’s the first time I perform it.
Now I’m about to turn on my electronics, as the weekend is basically over. All in all, I believe it was time well invested. Experienced. Used.
Activities well created.
Decisions well taken.
Intention fulfilled.
Entelechy & Calm.
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