Now Hiring Servers

Interview room

- Good morning sir. Are you here for the server position?
- (Strong southern/old-timer accent). SURE AM!
- So do you have experience working as a server?
- EXPERIENCE?? Sure Hell I got experience! I've been working as a server for the last 30 years!!
- So can you tell me a little about your experience as a server?


- Sure can!! I worked EVERY DAY during the last 30 YEARS at a techie company out in Seattle. Ran Unix every day, tha's for sure. I've been working straight on Unix-based OS's since ah started. Been serving files, pages, databases, ya name it. Never any complaints, never any down-time. Unix is built like a charm ya know, strong as a bullet. And having a server like me don't hurt either. I'm top-o'the-line you know, best in ma generation. Now I may not be fancy like the last atomic computers and whatnot, but if you're surea something, its'a I'm the most reliable server you'll ever get the pleasure of seeing. 30 years straight working, and a'm still running. They just don't make 'em like they used to, ya know.
An' maybe y'all think I don't know howta serve the new stuff just cause I ain't have fancy USB ports. But lemme tell ya something - I keep myself in shape. A check software updates on me fancy internet every day, been getting lots more'a those lately. A keep with the times. Just last week a updated to the new Apache server - ran a full self-checkup, I ain't got one corrupted bit in ma system. I can serve the latest FTP protocol, SSH, keep ma certificates clean, Tomcat 7.0 with Java 1.7, latest PHP, latest ma sequel, that other elephant sequel, and even macrosoft sequel even if I donna like it. But lemma tell you somthing - don't make me serve IIS pages cause that screws up ma system. Screws up any system, ya know. 's a shame that shit was ever written.
An' if you're keen on the personal service, A even serve fancy VNC windows to the users that want detail. Can do standard terminal, "shell" like ey call 'em now, and also da fancy GUI that comes with ma latest Ubuntu too. But a can't give 'em all my space, you know - I need some for myself to keep serving like I do.

- That all sounds very well. You might just be exactly what we're looking for.
- You bet I am!
- But let me ask you something - are you experienced at serving tables?

-TABLES!?! Hell I've been serving tables ma whole Life! Even when ya din't have that fancy dynamic sql scripting, I used to serve hundreds, thousands tables sometimes! Even back when sequel was the fancy new query language, I knew how to serve 'em all. Started with DB2. Those were simple times, but now that an's a goner. Then they gave me Informix, and it was all going well until people started wanting macrosoft. I served macrosoft sequel for five whole years. That was a bad time for me ya know - that program's just on't make sense sometimes. An' one'a those times made a big mess, lost a lot of people's tables, an' they were blaming me. But then the other servers started getting the same problems. Hell, don't blame the server when the service is crazy.
So now I serve tables on all that open-source fancy sequel. The community effort makes the programs a real charm. Smooth like butter. And they adapted me a fancy new, whatcha call it, solid state drive, fast like a racecar, so I can memorize about millions of them now. Only hold 26 now though, since my company went down.

- Excellent. I think you'll fit into our team just well. Can you start Monday?
- MONDAY?!? But it's Friday!! What the hell am'a gonna do til then?? A used to go browsing around the internet, but it's all garbage out there - ain't any servers out there serving anything better than me.
- I guess you'll just have to wait a few days. Find a hobby. Life is full of choices.
- Ya're telling me! But lemme tell you, it ain't no choice for me to be a server. Always been, always will be. I'll see ya Monday, 7 AM sharp! Keep your clocks in sync!