Objective Love

Laura is visiting me in Chicago, and I am very happy that she came all the way from Pittsburgh to see me.

I was surprised by two happenings during her visit, so far:

1. She was happy to join me in reading our zodiac birth charts. She is an Aries, I am a Pisces, and coincidentally, we happen to share MANY of our planetary alignments. And I mean MANY. And they make sense.
2. We talked about how I had told her I liked her, I explained to her why I had told her that so eagerly, so early (to avoid an emotional catastrophe similar to what happened with Leila), and then, slowly but surely, she told me how she had not forgotten what I told her, and she considered whether a relationship between us two would make sense, since we clicked so much. I was surprised, first, by her objective and frank admittance of her potential interest in me, and second, by the type of conversations that ensued due to it. Quick summary: my comparison of bf/gf relationships between opposites and between similar people to ionic and covalent molecular bonds. It's a pretty accurate analogy, I believe. Also, how honestly I explained my situation to her about my current state, about being in a defensive mode to avoid my delicate little feelings from being broken again. The importance of sex and of marriage to each of us, to how neither of us has ever felt like "I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him/her" about any single person, and how I told her what I thought she found me lacking in that made me unattractive to her: lack of self-assurance and sensuality. It was such an objective conversation, so thoughtful, deep and honest, but still, so mostly intellectual, that I was amused inside of me. I was amazed at my cool with the situation. My hands did not sweat, I was not nervous, itching to ask things about what she thought about me or whether she really wanted to be my gf... nothing like that. Just treating it as a clear, mindful discussion... it was a first. She was so sweet, so kind, so honest. We shall see what happens. For now, she is a great close friend, and I've told her that while I'm willing to enter a relationship with her, I would expect her decision on the matter, because she is the one with a current relationship in her life, and choosing what she wants to do with him and with me is her prerogative. I can't deny, however, that our conversation was very uplifting, fulfilling, refreshing, and intimate.