Saturday, September 29, 2007

Uncovering My Personal Secrets

In one of my entries, I said that I had secrets. I'd like to uncover these secrets. Short, plain, and simple.
  1. I had a love relationship, both physical and emotional, with my cousin's 15-year old daughter Andrea between June 11th to July 7th. We haven't really talked since.
  2. Even while my relationship with Andrea was still "active", I began another love relationship with the Sexy Latin Tiger from Los Angeles. First virtually, then physically, our love developed more sexually than emotionally. I never told Andrea about her, but I intend to. And the part I feel the worst about: even though I don't truly love SLT (I like her and everything, but not THAT much), I've told her I do. And it seems she loves me very much. And I will have to tell her soon. I love her as a friend, but not as a partner for life or anything. I hope she doesn't hurt too much when I tell her.
  3. I've been having sessions with a psychologist called Mimi. Not clinical, but as she describes herself, "transpersonal". Very spiritual, open-minded, and esoterically-focused. I like it so far. It was a secret because I didn't want people to think I was going crazy or anything. I guess people that go to psychologists could seem a little dependent. Like "Oh I need help, pleaaaase help me! I don't understand my own life!" I guess that SORT of applies to me, but not too much. Dependency is NOT my thing.
  4. A well-kept secret: I once made out with my 4-years-younger sister, almost 2 years ago. I hope she doesn't mind me publishing this...
  5. An older secret: I once stole a teacher's British Literature guide book from Miss Jill's office at Colegio Interamericano as a purely rebellious act. No real gain, but a lot of pain when Miss Jill somehow found out it was me who had actually done it.
  6. My longest-kept secret: At the IMO 2000 competition in Taejon, South Korea, I did an awful thing. Awful, awful thing. And I think I'll never forget it. I was one of the elected participants to travel and compete, so I gladly went there and took the tests. Each test lasted four and a half hours. The first day of the competition, I felt proud, arrogant, and superior. I believed myself to be better than most of the other people present. I read the three questions, hurriedly answered them all with the best answer I could come up with in a single pass of thought, and then with foolish, delirious thoughts of "genius boy solves exam even before time was up" headlines, I turned in my exam and walked away, wasting at least 2 hours of precious time that I could have improved my score with. Even if I had sat down, thought, and worked hard on the problems throughout the whole 270 minutes and still gotten a 0, it would've been better. I did an awful thing. This is what I feel most ashamed of in my life, and I'm terribly sorry. I beg forgiveness of the people who trusted me to do my best - I failed you. (This last one wasn't so short, but it was important. Sorry...)
Shouting out to the world!

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