Libido

I wonder at times why

my libido has diminished bit by bit

since finding the prize of my desires.

Day by day and night by night,

my enthusiasm for sex is not quite as bright

as I had known it to be

as I had suffered it to be

as I had assumed it to be

as I had needed it to be.

Twas always my experience

that the chance of female liaison

would drive me to great lengths

would lure me to real risks

would move me to long journeys

would have me dream great plans

just for the chance to share

that

look.

to touch

that

hand.

to smell

that

breath.

to feel

that

warmth.

to live through that alluring

dancefloor strobe of enticements, one by one.

her eyes

her hands

her hair

her smile

she laughs

she plays

she is glad

I am there.

her feline walk, her playful lure.

to play that game with a willing partner

is all my child desired to procure.

that ride of seduction, the waves of desire,

that prize was the explosive

fuel for my inner fire.

It made me cross countries

It made me traverse

new journeys I otherwise

wouldn't know were there.

My life line drew richer

as it explored new paths

and the fuel that prize gave me

took me long, far, and wide.

Then one day, unwitting, a partner arrived

and our partnership lasted unintentionally.

And as night by night, we'd seduce us and fuck,

my girl-hunting psyche realized its luck.

That sweet prize, adored and sacred

was now with me each night.

And if my past goal was now a given,

what use was the fire without the fight?

So little by little, and naturally,

my libido decreased for the sake of efficiency.

Her allure still attracted, and though it felt very nice,

more and more would I think about doing it twice.

My mind began drifting and wandering off

and I seriously wondered, "what's going on?

My energy is dormant, my playfulness is subdued,

Do I, wretched ungrateful, now dislike my own food?"

"Her sweetness is real, my prize is finally here.

why doesn't it shine as bright, now that it's so near?"

I'd heard people say when man settles, his belly expands,

concordant with less energy from satisfied glands.

It wasn't inevitable, there had to be something more,

and I dove in to ponder into my core.

And in there, I realized the problem was straight.

No fire need burn to reach my current state.

What I missed was that power, that passion, that fire

that propelled me to places farther and higher.

As on this I pondered, I realized the truth:

I could not the same thing possess and desire.

I suspect that others, when reaching this state

are perplexed when their drive gradually dissipates

and may then, if hungry once more for desire,

seek other prizes around them to kindle their fire.

A woman, a mission, a shiny new car,

an office that's bigger, a journey afar.

More money, more power, anything that sparkles,

and lets the hunger for hunger continue its cycles.

I think, though, that that path is but a distraction

that repeats old paths through unconscious reaction.

I suspect the way out of such doomed iteration

is to transmute base desires into aspiration.

That is, to observe that the desired was obtained,

and that through it nothing of essence was gained.

The hunger was sated, the rush is now quiet.

Can we hear the silence, and sit calmly by it?

Deep down in the silence, one can only accept

one is neither good, bad, better, worse, or correct.

For any such judgment tips the scale at the center

and deviates pure Being onto the Presenter.

And if one attends to that silence inside,

one can also feel base desires fly by.

Attractions, repulsions of body and mind,

tug at one like magnets many-a size, shape, and kind.

And as they fly by, the astute observer

can see that those urges are not truly theirs.

They only concern the body and mind,

while our essence is of a subtler kind.

So when one is no longer glamoured by desire,

what then is there that can light our fire?

This question I ponder, and so far I surmise

one can still dance with attractions

and not fall for their disguise.

We can harness their forces to our ideal

rather than fall slave to their appeal.

Having then seen the nature of desire,

one can turn to the Self, to fully aspire

to Truth and to Love, which reside higher

than the goals and prizes many yearn and admire.