Exist

I exist
and I don't know why
and that leaves me feeling lacking
direction
in times of fog

oh look, the sea, it just continues
can we please just reach the shore?
yes, here we are
oh, wait
the shore is just more sea
evermore

the shiny sands shift also
they're not a place to stay
no northern star guides my soul
when fog on it descends

the fog is here forever
it lifts forever as well
could I just please
release this this
let my me be in peace

I exist
and I don't want to exist
let me go

Reply to Thanks

Thanks
You're welcome.

soft sail

shining moon
swimming
swimming on the waves of dreams

back and forth its light sails
the curtains of the sea

when covered, it sets the silver/grey sky crevices aglow
with mystical, marvelous shapes
when it finds a clearing
resplendour of the me

soft sail
exciting adventurous fantastic
twists shapes curves shadows dazzling
unmoving
sail

Herz

Ich spüre Energieverbindung in meinem Herz. Dieses Gefühl und die Sehnsucht des Selbes spüre ich zusammen.

Leiden Leiden, wie akzeptiere ich sie völlig?
Mit der Sonne.

Ich akzeptiere diese Herzenergieöffenheit völlig.

TouchBar Autocomplete 2

The new one ☝️ was my second year and a few weeks and the first week I had the best day to be in my beautiful beautiful woman 👩 was my beautiful beautiful girl 👧 was my first time to get a new car 🚘🚙🚗 has not yet a beautiful voice but it has been an email 📧 was your last day and the first week and then it will get to me again in my short term I have been in and it has to do a good work and the job that I am not the person you have in my mind I can see you at work tomorrow or I could do the work of a little thing to the house 🏡🏠 has to do a good work and the job that I am not the person you have in my mind I can see you at work tomorrow or I could do the work of a little thing to the house 🏡🏠 has to do a good work and the job that I am not the person you have in my mind I can see you at work tomorrow or I could do the work of a little thing to the house 🏠🏡 has to do a good work and the job that I am not the person you have in my mind I can see you at work tomorrow or I could do the work of a little thing to the house 🏠🏡 has to do a 

Scouring Shame

1. I contracted herpes in 2009, and likely transmitted it to someone else in 2015.
2. Years ago, I took a younger girl to the bathroom, and I showed her my erect penis, asked her to touch it, pull on it. I orgasmed, cleaned up, and asked her to keep quiet.
3. I routinely hide loneliness and shame within me. Within a nonchalant husk, behind cursory smiles, detached acknowledgements.

block

when do I block?
from speaking

when the upcoming wave confirms my advantage
my desirable attribute
joyfully states my own state
and feels like superiority

when it contains a hidden desire
like "I want to caress your face and sleep with you"
or a fuzzy desire
like "I want to connect with you and I don't know why. I'm not sure if it's sexual, and I don't know whether saying this makes it seem like it is. I just feel a connection and would like to explore it."

when its intention does not find
fully aligned words
and my writer mind courses the sea of vocabulary to find a good one
unwilling to allow doubt
untruth
spurious or exaggerated or misconstruable words onto the world.
and it blocks
like a sphincter blocking urine
asking it to restate what it has to say
or to defer onto another time.

and when its expression would cross what I feel are the boundaries of comfort
mute and assumed, learned by unconscious imitation
unknowing reproduction of patterns, barriers,
since generations past.

Leben

Was tun wir damit?
...Damit? Was tun wir da-ohne?
Was könnte sein? Leben. Nur Leben.
Was mehr? Was weniger?
Beschränkt sind wir, darin.
Beschränkt in seiner riesiger Breite.
In seinem einzigen Sein eingesperrt.
Nicht ein anderes. Nicht ohne dieses Nicht.
Nur dieses.
Dieser silberne Stift bequem, zwischen meinen Fingern hält.
Diese lebendige System, die Luft atmet, fließendes Blut hält, Muskeln fein und stark kontrahiert und dehnt.

Nur dieser Stiftspitz, der auf dem weissen Papierblatt gleitet, ausdrückt.
Nur dieser Instant.
Nur diese Gedanken.
Nur dieses Ich.
Nur dieser Fluss.
Nur