Unreined

Emotions are currents that sweep us, within us, around us. In simple forms, attraction and repulsion. In dimensional combination, they merge and morph into more complex instances. Mirth, sadness, fear, shame, hope, defiance, loneliness, desire, disgust. Unreined flows Love, Bliss of Existence, Laughter of Play.
Life begets Awareness begets Intention begets Life. Awareness delights in Observation. Intention moves where it Will. It may be swept into the currents of emotion. It may just observe them pass by. It blooms anew in Now, and delights in the waves and wiggles and currents it traces in this Perpetual Canvas of Now.

Test

There IS NO test!!

Intention

There is an underlying societal illusion that the aim of Life, or of society life, is to reach a state when one does nothing, or almost nothing, and things are provided for oneself. Security. Stability. Predictability. That is often the unsaid aim of many people who save, keep, build a state around them that keeps them safe and “controlled”. And then… why is this state desirable? Does doing nothing achieve happiness? Does having everything under “control” prrovide us with ahppiness? Does it fulfill us? Help us grow? Help us enjoy?

We live because we do. What do we do? Whatever. What we will. What we choose to. That is the beauty of it. When one does *nothing*, lethargy may settle in. And I feel that is unfulfilling.

A related societal illusion, often unseen, is the intention that drives people’s actions. It is very common for people’s actions to be dictated by others. Hierarchical structures in work are a prevalent example in the world today, and they are so ingrained that they are generally not seen nor felt as the delegation of intention that they are. An employee delegates a large portion of his/her intention to entities, human and institutional, in exchange for value in money form, held in common knowledge to provide security and stability. And though this delegation might be intentional at first, day by day this repetitive behavior accustoms one’s own intention to quiet down and sleep, for months and years and decades. One becomes used to having intention transmitted to them instead of having their own.

And Intention is Life.

Let us reconsider the delegation of our Life. Life is for oneself to live. Delegated life converted into money value allows one to forget our true Drive and sources of Joy. Let us Enjoy.

Intention

There si an underlying societal illusion that the aim of Lfie or or society life is to reach a state when one does nothing, or almost nithing, and things are provided for oneself. SEcurity. Stability. Predicctability. That is often the unsaid aim of many people who save, keep, build a state around them that keep sthem safe and “controlled”. And then… why si this state desirable? Does doing nothing achieve happiness? Does having everything under “control” rprovide us with ahppiness? Does it fulfill us? Help us grow? Help us enjoy?

We livebecause we do. What o we do? Whatever. What we will. What we choose to. That is the beauty of it. When one does *nothing*, lethargy may settle in. And I feel that is unfulfilling.

A related societal illusion, often unseen, is the intention that drives people’s actions. It is very common for people’s actions to be dictated by others. Hierarchical structures in work are a prevalent example in the world today, and they are so ingrained that they are generally not seen nor felt as the delegation of intention that they are. An employee delegates a large portion of his/her intention to entities, human and institutional, in exchange for value in money form, held in common knowledge to provide security and stability. And though this delegation might be intentional at first, day by day this repetitive behavior accustoms one’s own intention to quiet down and sleep, for months and years and decades. One becomes used to having intention transmitted to them instead of having their own.

And Intention is Life.

Let us reconsider the delegation of our Life. Life is for oneself to live. Delegated life converted into money value allows one to forget our true Drive and sources of Joy. Let us Enjoy.

Story

• I found Movement Medicine dance through Meetup.
• There I found out about Dance Elemental at Los Gatos.
• I met Stan at Dance Elemental. We danced, and he held me at a graceful pose of outreach, mine of reluctant acceptance with desire to break free.
• Valerie and I hooked up and had sex at the Rainbow Gathering.
• A week later we had sex again, then I told her I had herpes.
• In an apology email, I wrote all about my herpes and she changed tension to acceptance.
• She sent me a TED Talk video about Vulnerability. I watched it.
• I was moved by the video, and decided to be 100% vulnerable with her.
• I was, and I spilled my guts to her.
• I found positive changes occurring in my own self-confidence, in my connections to others, and in my Life.
• Stan and I met at Panera. He said all is in the Present, his Love is unconditional, he sees energy fields instead of people, and that there need not be motive nor purpose to any action.
• Valerie visited me in California, and I found myself in the same path as with Maria. Connection, joy, awkwardness, distance, perseverence, push-back, sadness, frustration, anger, sadness.
• Stan and us had dinner and he pointed out I was expecting her to be something that she was not. It helped me understand.
• We had passionate intimacy that night. She went back to South Carolina.
• I took some cake she left me. My hand explored my abdomen and found self-image as clogs in my left side, wants as bubbles in my right side.
• I massaged my abdomen to allow them to flow through.
• I pressed my solar plexus, and found pleasure. I felt orgasm as I saw two straight lines meet each other above my plexus, coming from my penis and my plexus.
• Then I felt unsticking from the physical dimensions and looking inward. I saw an Ocean of Consciousness, and realized I was part of it, of this living fluid, and that the physical world, like my body, resides on the surface of this Ocean.
• I told many of my friends my experience with Vulnerability and with cake. I also connected with and clarified tension with previous women I had followed this same pattern with (Maria & Amanda).
• Valerie sent me a recount of an orgy she attended.
• I expressed my sex drive and we sent each other naked pictures.
• I moved into a van.
• I visited her in SC. We attended an orgy.
• The same pattern to sadness followed. It hurt physically in my solar plexus, and I asked that we pause our relationship. We did.
• Back in CA, I walked on campus contemplating beauty and listening to self, and I found Lev having dinner at a table with a pretty girl named Adrienne.
• I sat down and talked to them, and hit it off with Adrienne.
• I took a singing lesson with Julie Amato and sang Gethsemane. I learned to breathe with my diaphragm.
• I went to Europe for 3 weeks.
• I took cake in Dublin. Realized Now is the perpetual canvas on which we paint our dreams.
• I took cake in Amsterdam. Found and lost and found and lost a nice scarf in public transit. Met with Lucía randomly.
• Went back to CA.
• Adrienne invited me to dinner. We sang along the street.
• I asked her out to tea. We drank tea at an MK, and she signalled she was unhappy in her marriage.
• I hugged her and she liked it. I rubbed her belly and torso surreptitiously, and almost delved onto her genitalia.
• We met sporadically during next days making out around campus.
• One day I met her to complain about work. She seemed unhappy, and I asked her if she wanted to be with me. She said “Yes” unhesitantly.
• I felt befuddled about her answer, and I asked myself the same question. I landed on the heartfelt answer “Yes”.
• We made out under a tree until the sun set.
• On Oct 31st, we dry humped against her car.
• Stan and I hiked and took cake.
• On Nov 4th, she took an Uber to campus, we took an Uber to SJC, rented a car, drove to Santa Cruz, and had sex all day at the first motel we found there.
• On the way back, her husband called her, and she told him she had left him because she had found another guy. I drove while this happened.
• We danced at Dance Elemental with Stan that night. She loved it.
• We went back to the motel, slept, had more sex.
• When back to campus on Sunday evening, she moved into my van with me.
• We slept and had sex in the van for 3 weeks.
• One night she woke up suddenly and shouted about how cold it was. We found an AirBnb in Sunnyvale and stayed there for 3 weeks.
• We went to Guatemala for the last 2 weeks of December.
• She met my family, and we traveled to Antigua, Atitlán, and around the capital city.
• Back in CA, we stayed at a Vegan AirBnb where the toilet flooded twice.
• We attended a dance party with Stan, where she had a dragon painted on her bare torso, and she tried some cake.
• Back at Stan’s, we touched each other sensuously and intentionally, and I felt then we were one body. She felt my breathing as hers. I saw worlds of color within me without a cake trip (through her touch).
• We moved back into the Sunnyvale AirBnb.
• One night I brought the van mattress and the clothes organizer into the room. Adrienne was fazed.
• She slept at her old house for a night.
• On a Wednesday, I went to improv. After improv, she sent me aggressive texts, such as “I’m so sick of this stupid bullshit!”. I felt confused.
• When I came back to the house, my stuff was out by the door. I took it and moved back into the van.
• On Monday, we talked with Stan after Google improv. He listened and arbitered our talk. We both consented that we’d like to stop our romantic relationship.
• I flew to Guatemala to be with my aunt, who was about to have brain surgery.
• She had surgery, then went into a coma for days.

Motifs

• Actions are. They need not have a reason nor a purpose. It just is. Now.
• Try saying the same thing, replacing the word “but” with “and”.
• A Zen Master was pouring tea for his student. He fills up the cup and continues pouring, and the cup begins to overflow. The Student then says to the Master: “Master, the cup is full! It can’t fit anymore!” And the Master said: “That… is you.”
• When something has passed, you need not feel one “lost” someone. You “had” something. And now that something is in you.
• When one feels fear, one is afraid of something that might or might not happen in the future. Fear only lives in the future. There is no fear in the present - The present already is.
• When one lives in the present, one finds joy and energy. The future is uncertain, and if the mind lives there, it is drained attempting to focus on the myriad possibilities, and fear and anxiety may arise. When one draws focus back to the present, one finds no fear Here, Now.
• Now is the perpetual canvas upon which we are painting our dreams.
• “I am the greatest in the world!”, said the wave as it crashed back into the sea.
• Act as if your friends like you.
• Dance allows one to reconnect mind and body in the Now.
• I felt as if I was becoming unstuck from the surface of the world that I had always been focused on. And as my focus turned inwards, I saw an Ocean of Consciousness, in which all of its fluid is Conscious, Consciousness, and when I delved into its contemplation, I felt a joy of being and freedom of Consciousness and Choice. And it played with each other, it made forms, playfully, it made and flowed as it chose to.
• We are enough.
• Fear is a friend. It reminds One One is not present.
• Fear indicates an opportunity to explore a new boundary, and the space beyond it.
• *This World* is What Is! Said by Knight Brother. (I got way high and thought "What Is It? WHAT IS IT??" And it always came back to *THIS*).
• Push with Intention. In contrast with pulling towards an Expectation.
• An ever-nascent sapling of Yes sings within.
• The world is often filtered through purpose and utility, through roles. If so filtered, one projects the world into a lower-dimensional reality, defined by our purposes and roles (money, achievements, glory, approval). Then, though, the world is perceived as a faded shadow of its potential. World Is. All roles and functions and purposes are abstract concepts only present if we allow them to be.
• Act out of Love rather than out of Fear. Love is attraction, Fear is repulsion.
• Laughter is the dissolution of images. Like sand that disperses when sandcastle is blown away.
• Let flows within flow. Images and expectations are holds, obstructions. Lacks and wants are voids, bubbles. Let Flow. Through all. It Wills Flow.
• When seeing Yellow, feel Yellow. When seeing stripes, feel stripey. When seeing bars, feel barry. When feeling wind, feeling Windy. When seeing migrant clouds, feel wispiness caress you within and gentleness slide your body.
• "Then there is nothing to heal!" "Yes!"
• Draw in.
• We're never there. We're always here.
• About the Present. "It's happening! You're missing it!", Stan said.

Facebook Miscellanea

Worst boy ever

https://www.facebook.com/ScreamPoems/videos/1727241427563884/?autoplay_reason=all_page_organic_allowed&video_container_type=0&video_creator_product_type=2&app_id=2392950137&live_video_guests=0

Alchemistry

https://thatweare-love-2vr4.squarespace.com/shalomyoga/2014/11/28/alchemistry