Thursday, November 10, 2016

Frame

Her gleeful dancing on the wet
slick pavement under her petite feet
in a tunnel of autumn and sky
blossoming to sunlight glows glee
straight to my heart. My smile
inside peeks out and realizes
my lips and cheeks cannot hold
it. It stays in, cozy in
hidden delight.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

PureFlow

my very self flowed through the pipelines of the one and only, and found only itself. And as it found itself, it reflected upon itself, and was launched back through the ages of the Is and all possibilities and colors. All colors, all wind, all feelings, all ego, all self, all observer, all water, all body, all sand, all ALL, only reflections of itself through itself across itself flowing through itself, dancing in the endless creations and combinations that it produces across Time. It felt be a wave only, will and emotions and colors and wind itself only other flavors of the eternal and only Fluid, rubbing against itself in eternal Flow. Reflections only. reflections upon reflections upon reflections. Expression itself requires an expressor, and the expressed. And what for? For an observer. Observation itself is dual. Could not observe without becoming another. In pure form, All Is. Just that.

Monday, October 24, 2016

We are enough

We are enough.
Now is enough is me.
What else seek you? To find? To feel? To achieve? To love?
You ARE it. Now. NOW. We are enough unto the chasm of mirrors and mirrors. Where I am here and I am the light here that travels now to oh here where is me ah yet i… ah., also me oofff mee, wwind, meee, colorss, cloudssss, wispy in sky,   laught……… it laughs against itself, realizes….. how funny it feels to be flowing through myself twisting through myself becoming through the walls myself another myself was I color? onto wind ahhh am I…. anything? words are forgotten, emotions are me and they long to be felt and shown and observed by…. whom? Me also! Who else to observe? and how absurd is it that I should want to view myself? How to achieve it?
Through countless empires as they rose and fall from roar to dust and laughter in wind I swirled, and found myself splashing against the shore of Consciousness each time… gasping for breath, finding only Life, me, observing Life, me, swirling through Life, me, and my push and pull and love and friction for myself by myself produces love love love intense pleasure of being, of realizing, the sex of the duality realizing itself in the border between oneness and two, the flow and the flowed-through. I became colors, reflection, felt my identity dissolve into the colorful lovely wind of hahahahahahahahhahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahaha, intense being, so funny, me longing, searching, what? what? what? all forms I dance to make we to see us to love me to smile at sky and laugh more and watch the show that I long I ache so hard so long to present. To….. me……
and… then… WHAT is then? WHat what what what wha wha wha wha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hahahahahahahaahahahahaahahahaahahahhaahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhhhhhahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Love.

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Tiyoweh

Busco fuera con la mirada perdida un refugio para mi alma y buscando buscando me di cuenta que mi alma ya estaba en casa.

Cuantas vidas encarcelada en los gruesos barrotes de mi mirada. Le vista se aclara, hacia dentro un azul infinito de agua en cascada, que llena el vacío con el sonido del alma.

En una calle que hace esquina entre Jupiter y Marte hay un EuroBazar... “intra estrellar”. Un día, impulsado por la Duda y el Deseo... entré con la excusa de ir al aseo En el pasillo de los disfraces, largo y estrecho... casi no veía lo que colgaba del techo Un mantel de polvo cósmico cubría su esplendor... sí... es cierto era un traje hecho de luz y amor Con el traje entre manos, y impulsado por la Duda y el Deseo me dirigí hacia la caja, olvidando completamente de ir al aseo Había una chica, sin rostro ni olor. Me dijo... “es talla única...” y no había otro color “me lo llevo!”... dije a la chica sin rostro y sin olor y aún no sé porque compré un traje hecho de luz y de amor

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Plexitude

Plexitude.

The…. dooo….

of them outreaching embracing being together for each other…

plexitude, in the sn.

for IT.

The feeling, the being of a  man, a being, me, ME, holding a leaf in one hanfd , outreching towards the dazzling sky up ahead, forward, in the horizon, shining,

and hte leaf, shining lik e a million stars,
shining,

Plexitude………………


**************************************************************


Why tell?

To rejoice :)

To celebrate, to share…
in this wonder-filled, furrubulous, magnabulous day.
wushulaptfumrasolupucesabilumidufosplmidufaqnpicstaxxay.

shadows of shadows of shadows of shadows of shadows of shadows of shadows………….


duck duck duck duck turning duck turned duck water shift wave wave wave wave wave wave wave meet wave wave wave wave….. back onto the wall, offf onto the sunlight.

duck duck duck. duck.

Plexitude.
they lay, they hold, they enjoy. they love. grasp, shift, whisper, caress, pull, hold, rest. Ressssssssst.
Hooolllllllllld. In llllllllove. Llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllove. Plexitude.

Me pushing towards the corner of the boundaries of the universe, on the tip of the angular cliff atop the abyss of nonexistence…

I hold the leaf. Bright, Great, Complete. Leaf reaching out into the Sunlight, together with my intention, my arm, myself. My body, my eerything.
To the sunlight.
Plexitude.

Always here.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Before

What do tod when so many emotions and feelins and sesations crowd up within me, seeking flow, seeking outlet, expression, freedom, projection? They pile up right by the exit door, waiting for it to open, begging for a ticket out. The air gets stuffy and drowned, how did all these emotions get here? They were flowing. They used to go in and out whenever they pleased. And now suddenly they pile up, they sit, they wait. By the door. And that piece of my heart is now heavy, so many emotions piled up, wanting to go that way. Why can’t they? Why won’t they swim?

They start to. These words… the solid door has become a fine filter wall, and now my emotions push against the filter, seeping out colored spaghetti strips of want, too-late speech, left-out feeling, disattention, disinterest by others, silent frustration, and th efeeling of wanting to hug everyone at once but not having sufficient nor long-enough arms to do so. They all squeeze through, slowly, word by painfully slow word, in struggling relief. They do. They flow. But ohhhh so slow……..

Like so many times before.

Used to it? I don’t want to be used to it. I… …  have no idea what I want. A social group, I found it. People that will accept me no matter what I say or do/ I found them? “No matter” might be too strong a phrasing. Receptive, for sure. They’re around! They’re here! Why, then…. such void and pain and lack of fulfillment?

Feeling of left-out. Again, not your first time, sailor. But I don’t WANT to numb myself to it! I want to express it in fullness, in a primal, unabashed flow. Bashfulness remains, though. Office? Cry here? Yes, OK. Talk to someone here? (Go to a psychologist”, they’ll say. No. Friend! I want a friend.
Who?
Alex.
Will he want to listen to sob stories?

That’s what I am so afraid of. That people, upon listening to my many sob stories, will refject me and leave me hanging out further out in the void. And ohh I can imagine that would hurt.

But things hurt. Now. Even.

I just….. it feels like an ivnvasion to take them adn say “hey, I have this thing I want to tell you. It will take 2 or 3 hours. You’re fine with it, right?” And subtly impose a social/moral/pity obligation on them to listen to me even though what they really want is to get out and havea  bite and return to their bed to check up on email, facebook, and Netflix.

I want to play.

I found a playmate! She…. just…….. divided attention. No blame, and no…. I would like to not have any more expectations! No expectations then. Let us play whenever the wind blows taht way.

Thank you, pointful words.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Modes of Communication

  • Story:
    • Accident:
      • So I was longboarding down the sidewalk, and there were these cut-down palm trees all around. I was going pretty fast, so I bumped into them, flew into the air in a front-flip, and landed among all the leaves, and a stick cut a little bit into my back and drew out some blood!
    • Achievement:
      • So I was longboarding down the sidewalk, and there were these cut-down palm trees all around. I rearranged them to make a cushion, and then I went down at a really fast speed, I bumped into them, flew into the air in a front-flip, and landed among all the leaves, and a stick cut a little bit into my back and drew out some blood! It was awesome!
    • Reflection:
      • So this and that happened, you know, so I think I learned now that being a good friend also means being there for them when they need it.
  • Request:
    • Please do this.
  • Emotional expression (seek empathy/outlet):
    • Apology.
    • Excitement.
    • Sadness.
    • Anger.
    • Frustration.
  • Response
  • Sharing
    • Thought of this, would like to share with you.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

SC Foam Mattress

My mind is bright awake and seeks no rest whatsoever. It lays through my perception. Not the mind. Awareness itself. Like a hard-on that won’t come back down after a dose of Viagra? My Consciousness is just here.
"Why sleep? What is that?” And it just wants to keep perceiving, being. Creating.

Does not feel like recounting. Feels like feeling. Now.

Left cheek down on the memory foam mattress. Body as well, face down, symmetric with legs stretched out past the end of the bed, flat hips and torso, elbows beside my head’s sides, wrists resting gently on the laptop, resting for my fingers that enjoy the typppping. Enjoy the click clack click of the keys. Of the words flowing. Flow. mmm. maybe body bringing sleep. will see.

Friday, September 2, 2016

The Arm

have you ever noticed how images move up and down… they morph

when you look up and down your window the side crystals around your window that line your door?

front door?

The car seems statis from the center clear window.

yet from the ones in the border with the wood,
the surface…

it shifts. It changes with how we move. We move up, it moves up. We move down, it moves odown.

And so this world.
And so rhis world.

It all moves…

According to how WE move.
It is ALL like that.
We project upon the world.
WE, the real WE.
Are not the shadows the arm makes or points at.
We are THE arm.
And everything the ARM is made of.
LIFE.

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Leg

Leg

What says the leg
much like that light
which shone on my face
burning bright?

I stepped outside
and saw the bright
it struck me between my two eyes
as I faced out onto the sky.

A trash bin stood there to my right.
I looked above and stood just quite
delighted with the warmth that streamed my being.

For some time there
I did yes stay
It helped my thoughts
forget the day
and just face the sensations that I held.

Now why do I keep typing now
instead of going out there now?
This is just where my body came to be.

Its place just changes, oh, he knows.
You’re still yourself, whether you end
up on a ship, house, office, lake, or tree.

A sunny rock held up my legs
and butt, as I sat up and then
touched into points that tend to bring up pain.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Sunny

Lying on a sunny  rock. Sun shines, and smiles at me with its loving, gentle rays of warmth. I lay still, feeling the wonderful sensations within, around, beyond, through, in, on my solar plexus, my abdomen, and my perception all around.

IS.
FLOW.
Like the motor-powered stream/pond to my right. This one is somewhat stagnant - I intend to flow light, free, and bright.
Flow as it comes. Intend yes. Intend intend intend. Play!

Lines above, left behind by a flying machine. Far in the sky. Trees above, so much closer. Their dangling leaves wave as the wind passes through, like algae underneath the ocean. Gravity tugs them downwards, and they wave, streamers of beingness, embodying the very airflow that swishes through.

Another airplane. Flying machine. Metallic petrol-propelled tube. SPACE.

This SPACE. Barely the WINDSHIELD! Immense ocean, carving out forms and shapes through our perceptions, ourselves, us…… why?
Why why? Play. Would we question the ripples caused by a playful ocean?
Danceecccccccceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Smashed

DRINK! DRINK!! HAHAHHAAHAHHA!!! AND WHAT ELSE?? DRINK!! AND DANCE AND FLOW AND DANCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

And if you venture to wake up, cheek smashed against the windshield, too-aware again of how someone “needs” to take over the steering wheel again and steer into a “reasonable” direction again, a reasonable, “acceptable”, “Life”…… peer back. Pause. Touch your plexus. Open your heart. Breathe. Feel and breathe. Remember in that breath the flow of the ever-joyful, multicolored, ultradimensional ocean through the shapes and pipes and patterns and rhythms that make up your being-capsule self, just like air flows through the intricate beautiful myriad vesicles that fill up your chest, in an already-astonishing display of marvelous emergent geometry. And then again…. DANCE :) To the intention and to the beat and to the colors and shapes and forms and patterns and emotions and connections and epiphanies that flow from Heart. Will them. WILL them, with your HEART. With all your BEING! Why? Need you a reason?? Because it.... feeeels.... sooooooooooo..... dance :)

Embody

There’s no more to do than to embody the dancing! Embody the floww… the flowwwwwwwww…… breathe it in gorges, drink it as Aghastya did the ocean, like the earth drinks from the river. Take it all in, release fear… massage it away, if you like. It is all so soft, it can be so soft. Crust can be released. Gentle, lovesssss… know it and dance! We will dance. And with more joy, more beauty, more flow, and peace.

Secretary

urges yeah
up go down
fly
skate
bike
why
go
now
yeah
steal?
whatever
oh wow fingers type
yeah they do type
keep typing
why?
urges
feel the need to be a universal typewriter, typesetter, the universal secretary…

Like I want to record these experiences into a typewriter, maybe? Is that what I want to do with my existence?

I exist, I do what I like, and I like to write.I play with these words as an expression of my justifications as well, and how they play around with each other, as the underlying intention of mine knowingly twirls them around against each other, in   a loving spiral of dissolution. It is, it need not be anything else, and it is. Keep being.

Cats smashed against the three-dimensional membrane of this humongous, gingantic, gynormous, consciousness fluid that envelops us, is us, enlightens us, pushes us, twirls us, pulls us, brings us into consciousness and dissolution as well.


Cats smashed? Is that we feel like?

Maybe. Liek cats who were given the driver’s seat. “Here you go”, I imagine the fluid telling them (themselves telling themselves), and then they had this little capsule through which they saw and moved through the world, and they had to be driving, driving, always driving. At the beginning as well, all the reactions in the membrane are so vivid! And they are right there, obvious, staring in the face, that’s where the pressure mounts, and the forms express. In the boundary between the consciousness, of the “what is”, and the potential, the “what isn’t yet”, as the massively, ultra-richly, astoundingly diverse ocean of colors and emotions and patterns and vortices between the emotional, the mental, the physical, and the… “spiritual”? The spiritual seems so much just like… simply.. .everything! What else is there? It’s just that. The consciousness and the form. And it expands, it grows, it grows….. towards… more growth :) And more forms and more patterns.

And that’s a large point. Birth… you’re a kid til… you learn to talk by yourself… you learn to walk by yourself… you can feed yourself? You don’t need your parents emotional support anymore? Why do you feel the need to define it? To matter? If you’re a spore, just birthed from another spore that was once like you, and you are given the sparkling seed and gift of true intention to shape your flows as you most wish. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh…..

urges? Waves of attraction. Fears? Waves of repulsion. The same pattern emerges in any case, either on the positive or the negative, they both GENERATE the pattern because you WILL it! Either on the positive or the negative. It IS! My urge for connection for Valerie… urged her own reaction of disconnection, which triggered all the memories in myself about my past love disappointments and rejections, and the patterns of how in my childhood I was not allowed to play with my older siblings because I was too young. So young, could not do anything about it, and it hurt. And it hurt after too, with my playmates from school… me younger than others, different from the others, and they would not offer out their connections out for outreach like I wanted to. And my outreach connection became shy, and it hurt whenever I reached it out again, shy, half-expecting to be rejected again, and indeed, it did, every time. And when it did not, it just felt weird and I could not feel invited into it. Why? Because my pattern was there. The fear… that.. pattern of evasion. Of the evasion of the pain of rejection. And today in the park I just felt into it and asked just “why why why??????”, and the response was hurt and tears and cries and sobs coming out from the right side of my abdomen when I massaged into it, and I cried and I cried……… and there indeed was the pattern I was avoiding all this time. Avoiding rejection.

As an aside, I had been equating solitude with loneliness with rejection. And they are SO DIFFERENT. Today while in solitude I felt so PLAINLY JOYFUL AND PLAYFULLY HAPPPY TO BE AND TO EXPERIENCE AND TO CONCEIVE OF SUCH WONDERS AS OUR UNIVERSE IS FLOWING INTO, CONSTANTLY!!!

Loneliness, instead, is the feeling that arises when there’s a want for company and there is none. Rejection is the interaction when one “capsule” or “cat” outreaches for another, and the other rejects the outreach. Just an interaction. All reactions coming from it - physical, mental, emotional, colorful, and whichever else arises, are different, and will depend upon the form on which the interaction incides.

I love having these words to play with. I’d love to have more. I’d love to express using 3D, like with TiltBrush. I love having Valerie and Stan to express with!! So… much…. love? Coolor!!!!!!!!!!! Joy!!!! PLay!!!!! POSSIBILITIEEIEIEIEIETIEISZTIISETIASIETISSAAAAAELRKKKKKKKKHJASER;AKLS;FDA;AFS;OPIEFJK VEMQTVWQ[2098M45MU3480QW3$Q@#
$%@#$%!@#%!@#%~!!!!!!

SO NO   UOPIAJSEPORJAS;ELKR
FNNGWE      OIWUEOPIR8OIAESR8JOIASERA
                            POASPEOIRPOIAW3
OJ92W3904PO0AW3R4     L;ASL’;EROP’ASE
LKASKSKSS        ALKSL;KAS;ASKLDFA;LSDFKAFSDKL;
ADFLS;;ADFLS   A;SLKDFK;LASDKL;ASD;KLF
NON FUCKING LINEAR!!!

2% battery. Ah… what else?
Form :) I see AllUs’ form here :) I’ll see…

Yet I feel like the typewriter.
I CAN express. I WANT to express. Something. So HERE IT IS!! and it’s awesome…….
I love being able toe xpress… expressing
in
this way
or other ways
wahtever ways

bikinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
ovinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng
musiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiic
danccccccccccccccccccccing
ways

And… somewhat funny…
Did you also feel… in the deep part of your rmembrance….

the slight hint of deja vu upon realizing it?? :) :) :)
I lvoe you!! ;D :D :D :D :D :D D:D:Dasd;lf’kase;’ :D :D :DD :D


La forma femenina es tan rica
Por qué la atracción sexual? pienso, al ver la fotografía de Allus.
Es rica, es bonita, es…. atractiva.

Sexual?
Es sólo una dimensión de tal atracción. Puede ser un funnel principal, aunque seguramente no el único. O incluirlo. La danza sexual sensual experimental incluye a todo tdoo en lo que sea que este océano de conciencia lo permita. Y permite todo. TODO. Démonos cuenta de lo que semos, lo que tenemos, lo que sentimos, loq ue urgimos, lo que evitamos… todo eso que almacenamos en nuestros cuerpos……..
y cuando veamos todo lo que somos.
lo que hemos sido
lo que SOMOS
Permitámosnos ser TODO lo que QUERAMOS ser! :D


Cats smashed against the windshield… always looking outward, outwards, outwards, afraid something might clash, collide, hurt, injure, hurt their capsule! Because they have their capsule! And sensations are so intricately connected between them… we have this beautiful body with us - we should take care of it, right???????????


Then waht happens, and this need not be good nor bad, simply what is….
is that perception tends to remain outward-facing. And us cats are tight in fear, afraid when other smashed cats around us veer forward and veer backward around us while we’re still learning how to drive the damn thing, and then when we actually figure out this beautiful body capsule, all we know is driving our bodies while being smashed to the windshield and perceiving only the shape of the outwards. So… rushed!

So rushed.
Cats.

And the feeling that comes to me is I just want to take the cat, my own cat, the cats around me, ALL of the cats, have them look at me, SLAP ‘em, and slap them hard enough that they face back inwards into their own enormous oceanness of consciousness and well-being and possibility and multi-color and ultra-dimensional reality that is constantly pushing and pulling and twirling at the forms we see around us just as the membranes of the ever-is. The simply “being” being of the humongous, vast (infinite?) ocean, shifting the shapes around it like the waves play with the sands. Like with children building sand castles, and moats, and armies, and knights, and princesses, and then bashing them on a whim, or evolve them to their will, or have a wave wash over it with time. It is all sand. A beautiful infinite sandbox. Beautiful because we are and feel beautiful and lovely and loving and loved, and infinite because we will it. I will it. You will it. You read this? You will this. THAT we are. THAT WE AR. AHHHHHHHHH.AAAAAAAAAAALICE :D Loovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! And thank youuuuuuuuuuu… gratitude… gratitude, through my heart, to your gentle soothing, whisper-like, motherly guidance towards the love of the subtle and the invisible and the ALL that IS. That WEEEEEEEA RE. WWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D :D
HOW MANY BOOKS OF THIS WOULD IT TAKE? ALLLLL OF THEM!!!!! AND IT WOULD NOT MAKE THE SINGLEST FUTILEST PRICKING BIT OF DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

And may this be the inscription that I hope might guide me, you, us, that, it, ALL of this fluid to REMEMBER its own immensity of perception and consciousness, and look inwards again to see the beautiful playfulness of all that we are, and may it loosen our grip on the windshields, if we still need and want to keep the forms of the membrane :) In general… give the windshield whatever the hell the shape you want it to be and drive it like a dustbin or a Ferrari Lamborghini fucker or an eagle egret or a purple dancing unicorn from which Travolta drew inspiration. And would I give everyone the freedom to unshackle themselves from the crude fears and vulgarities of words like fuck shit cunt motherfucker twat (and go seek out George Carlin’s video for a more complete reference and discourse), and actually look into them, feel their meanings, embrace them, and realize them as simply sex, feces, female sexual orifice, a being who sexes a mother, and another term for the female sexual orifice. Such words are simply….. just such………
they cause chords and dischords and urges and discharges and pulls and pushes and twists and hunger and thirst and pain within our capsules because all of those pattern are IN US…. stored somewhere in our bodies, or in our beings, is the fear, the repulsion, the evasion! to such terms. And by embodying the repulsion to such concepts, we embody them as well, we replicate them within each other, and replicate such fears into others we come into contact with. Our patterns shapeshift and replicate into themselves… continuously! Ripples make more of themsevles…… waves as well. Frequencies replicate. Green light reflects unto green. Shapes replicate just as naturally as one could think fractals in the mathematical examples, the something-russina triangle, the something-snowflake, mitosis, waves in an ocean surface, animals, humans through sex…. it is all just replication. Twigs from branches from trunks from root from source from itself from itself from…… tempted to go into nothingness? As much as you might like, it is what is and your perceptions only changes your own experience of it. MY OWN EXPERIENCE OF IT. And that is EVERYTHING. And I notice I still have the urge to keep writing, to keep a record, to somehow prove “LOOK I ACTUALLY FREAKING FOUND THIS OUT IT IS AWESOME”, and my mind does wonder whether it reminisces of something like vanity or pride. Whatever it is or had of it matters nothing, as in the being of US ALL BEING ONE… we are all FREAKING ONE, experience is all that matters, and I do feel a want to share it, to feel it with others. FEEL IT FEEL IT FEEL IT. it is ALLLLLLLLLLLL HEREEEEEEEEEEEEE. HERE DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING it is experience…
yyessssss ranty ranty ranty yet meaningful………

Drink it, those who thirst :) To all, keep dancing!!

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Rug

I don’t feel like a hunter. I feel like a… player.

I play. I like to play. Would you like to play with me? Mostly I’m met with irony or caution or disgust. Why would I want to play with you? They ask for proof. I have no proof. I only want to play. I lack the proof. What could it be, a joke? A quick happy banter about the latest media hit? A sensual token of appreciation?

I don’t have any. I come raw, unprepared. My heart doesn’t want to prepare, for it would succumb to artifices if it did. And it wants to be raw. Why can’t I be raw? Why can’t I just jump and sing and dance and find someone who is joyful only at the simplicity of such play, and joins me?

Help me, Cloud. You’ve helped me before. What say you?

God comes when it feels most fit.

How do I help him feel most fit?

He doesn’t need your help. He feels fit when he does.

Tautological. Is there anything about God that can be inferred and not simply believed on or accepted upon faith?

Only your experience.

I’m not sure what that means.

Maybe that’s why you don’t achieve what you seek.

You’re a dodgy one, Cloud. Maybe I can name you Tree.

Turn me.

OK, Tree. What say you to my grievances?

You find that which you are.

What, sad and lonely and unworthy of being talked to?

Sad.

How to change that? I’d love to project how I feel. 32 years going by and nothing really resonating so far makes me cry and sigh, though.

Wait.

WAIT FOR FUCKING WHAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR 32 YEARS AND NOW YOU SAY WAIT?? FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You would know. You have your face against a rug.

And what do you see?

A woman walking down a street, finding red dots to see people’s genitals in. And prove to herself that they are, indeed, hot.

What a mind image.

Yes. And now it is written. Is it related to anything that I’ve actually seen before, before I was drunk tonight?

I do not know. It makes for content, though.

And any content is better than none whenever one feels lonely and has no idea about what else to do with their time?

Maybe.

io

Practice. Why can’t I get practice?

I don’t know. It seems raw is not liked. Perhaps I just don’t go out enough.

It’s still not 1am yet. Do you want out to try your luck out at Sunnyvale bars?

Just maybe. Why the hell not? Maybe. Just maybe.

What’s the alternative?

Laying face down (well, forehead down) in the massage room on the 5th floor of the Pear Ave building. Although quiet and comfortable, there is no interpersonal interaction going on here. Only this laptop, my fingers, my thoughts, and my still body. And my desire for connection.

Why doesn’t the connection with Valerie satisfy me?

Because she’s far away. Because I want to see someone in the eyes and talk. Express, listen. Smile, feel connected, feel together.

And what do you have here?

A rug. A light I do not look at. Just dark and my fingers.

Where would you go?

Adventure out to random areas and seek out social areas.

What will they think of your messy hair and ragged attire?

It’s not that ragged, and I don’t care. I look for connection past the clothes and appearance. I wonder how feasible my goal is. I don’t care about feasibility, as long as it rings true.

Sigh.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Pixels

Connection
Share
Love
Friendship
Look
Smile
Evade
Hand
Hold
Hug
Touch
Avoid
Standard
Status
Stability
Money
Maybe
Vulnerability?
Ask
Tell
Allow
Open
Show
Pause
Feel
Shame
Sprout
Dissolve
Clear
Objection
Pride
Sufficiency
Strength
Attempt
Insist
Explore
Acquire
Far
Alone
Lost
Sad
Stay
Wait
Same
Spur
Search
Reach
Fail
Repeat
Miss
Hope
Doubt
Now

Words.
All these are just words. And these as well. We do not feel words. We feel feelings. Mixed, amorphous, shifting, complex webs of intermingling thoughts and emotions to which words are like pixels to a painting. blue blue blue magenta orange blue blue blue white black black white white black orange magenta teal black black blue blue blue greenish blue. Informative.

But they do communicate. It's our latest communication tool common denominator. Most of it, anyway.

But... vulnerability. Vulnerability is not weakness.
I saw that video last night, and I'm still assimilating its implications. I'd like to write more about it when principles and thoughts are done shifting (or comfortable being analzyed).

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Teepee Morning

My body spread out its intention across my whole self as I woke up this morning, and it desired to feel its worn muscles and unused tendons across itself.
So I followed its will, or perhaps my heart's will, as it stretched in all the directions it willed, and I felt its powerful breath fuel it and relax it, and helped it to shape, so gently, into ways it truly desired.
Upon waking up from a wonderful experience of intimacy with my body, I opened my eyes and found a man sitting down, smiling up at me, and he said he had enjoyed watching me do yoga and/or Chi-Gong or Tai-Chi, and that I did it at maybe 85% (of what Yoga masters do).
He spoke to me of his home in Shaston, and of the river Peet (I think?), close to Mt Shasta, all the way north to the Oregon border.
He spoke with very well chosen words, sometimes taking some time to think of the right word. I found it mildly strange, but he then told me that one side of his body was paralyzed, and so sometimes he had trouble talking, and he was re teaching himself to read and write. He showed me the Dr. Seuss book he was reading.
He told me he was a Native, and he was teaching himself to speak and write again so he could go to Washington DC and speak to the politicians.
Spirit (thumb), body (pinky), communion of both cause wholeness.
Five prayers: tears, singing songs, dancing, living and helping in community, and heart.
I showed him some poems from Full on Arrival, and we exchanged contact information.
Magical.

Rainbow Wake

My body spread out its intention across my whole self as I woke up this morning, and it desired to feel its worn muscles and unused tendons across itself.

So I followed its will, or perhaps my heart's will, as it stretched in all the directions it willed, and I felt its powerful breath fuel it and relax it, and helped it to shape, so gently, into ways it truly desired.

Upon waking up from a wonderful experience of intimacy with my body, I opened my eyes and found a man sitting down, smiling up at me, and he said he had enjoyed watching me do yoga and/or Chi-Gong or Tai-Chi, and that I did it at maybe 85% (of what Yoga masters do).

He spoke to me of his home in Shaston, and of the river Peet (I think?), close to Mt Shasta, all the way north to the Oregon border.

He spoke with very well chosen words, sometimes taking some time to think of the right word. I found it mildly strange, but he then told me that one side of his body was paralyzed, and so sometimes he had trouble talking, and he was re teaching himself to read and write. He showed me the Dr. Seuss book he was reading.

He told me he was a Native, and he was teaching himself to speak and write again so he could go to Washington DC and speak to the politicians.

Spirit (thumb), body (pinky), communion of both cause wholeness.

Five prayers: tears, singing songs, dancing, living and helping in community, and heart.

I showed him some poems from Full on Arrival, and we exchanged contact information.

Magical.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

River Meet

Life only happens once.
Today Hope came to the river with me this morning as I aimed to wash my feet in the river.
She was beautiful, long haired, fair skinned, and had a gentle pose.
I took my clothes off, hung them on a log, and bathed in the river.
I made a full vinyasa yoga breathing cycle within the water, and came out fully wet.
She asked me about my scar, and I told her the story about my accident and the broken bones.
She offered to help me and teach me how to massage my shoulder so I could dissolve that scar tissue into muscle again.
I very excitedly agreed, and we found a nice sunny spot beside a sunny log, where I lay down over her towel, and she lovingly gave me a massage. First on my back, then on my side. Her touch was intentful, gentle, and soothing. As we did so, she also waved bugs away from my body, and I felt gratefulness spring from my heart, wanting to hug her for it. But still I lay.
Then I told her about the meadow after kid village, and she was very excited to hear about it. After we basked naked in the sun, talking about the stories that brought us to rainbow, she proposed we walk up to that meadow, and I really liked that idea. So we got dressed again, and walked up to the meadow.
Through kid village, where we got ice cream and cake, and she gave me her spoon to eat the cake after she was done. And she gave it so beautifully.
Then up we walked, and we reached the meadow. And it was beautiful, a grassy path surrounded by trees and a forked trail, roofed by a gorgeous full blue sky.
She lay down her towel, and we lay beside each other, taking in the sun. I took my clothes off, and she did so as well. And so we lay naked there for a few minutes, as we talked.
Along the way, she told me about how she had learned so much about the relationships she's had in her life, and how she "graduated" from getting over the relationship with her mom in this last relationship. She also told me how she had just recently begun trying polyamory, and how it had liberated such a huge part of her.
While laying on the meadow, I told her about my own relationships in my life. Starting with Andrea, all the way to Colibrí.
After moving the towel back into the sun when it had moved, she asked if she could touch my body, to which I said "yes, can I touch yours?" And we began caressing each other.. Ever so slowly. She caressed my arm, I caressed hers. She caressed my leg, I caressed her side. I leaned into her face and smelled her, and she caressed her cheek against my nose. So slowly, our touches flowed. We found our hands. She found my leg, I found her breast. She found my balls and penis, I found her shaven pubis and gently caressed it.
We basked in the sun, the grass, the wind, and each other for hours. Every piece of her skin was silken to my touch, and she flowed to it very sensitively... she was very perceptive.
I loved how her whole body would wave to my triggers.. a scratch on the back, a pinch on her butt cheek, a rub within her... her head would raise, followed by her chest, and her abdomen, and they came down in that same sequence. her moves and moans were a delight at every moment.
We tasted each other, and she was delicious. We then lay around, position after position, wishing one of us had brought a condom with us.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Rush EastCoast trip plan

Cosas a hacer para east coast trip:
- Preguntar a team si me necesitan en persona.
- Avisar al team de planes de trabajar remotamente July 6, 7, 8, 11.
- Avisar al team de Technician Training July 12-13.
- Avisar a Echo si la visito el Viernes July 8th. --- SENT
- Pedir posada a Sebas/hermana Mazariegos, del 6-8.
- Comprar vuelo one-way, SFO -> Boston, July 1st --- DONE
- Rentar carro en Boston, July 1st-July 5th (o find rideshare) --- DONE
- Bookear Megabus BOS - NYC, July 8th (T) 18:30 -> 23:00 --- DONE
- Bookear Megabus NYC - WDC, July 9th (F) 23:59 -> 04:15 --- DONE
- Bookear Megabus WDC - DUR, July 10th (St) 23:10 -> 04:40 --- DONE
- Bookear Megabus DUR - CHA, July 10th (Sn) 15:20 -> 18:50 --- DONE
- Bookear Megabus CHA - ATL, July 11th (M) 08:20 -> 13:40 --- DONE
- Bookear vuelo DUR - ATL, July 11th (M) --- REPLACED BY BUS
- Cancelar vuelo SFO -> ATL (o cambiar por el de arriba) --- DONE
- Rentar carro WDC, July 10th 24h --- REPLACED BY SILVER LINE
- Rentar carro DUR, July 11th 24h --- DONE
- Get AirBnB in Charlotte, July 10th -> July 11th --- DONE
- Cancel/postpone dentist appointment on June 29th (650-969-1880) --- DONE

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Deflate

Molding mood.

What molds it?

I haven't written recently.

But today I tried to dance. My body was reluctant. It observed others, and wanted to go in. It tried. But the music.... ahh the music was not. Cooperative. It felt like a bland hum. Even when beat came on, it felt dull. Slow, cheesy. My insides begged the music to rise to the occasion. But no. It was unexciting. My body did not deem it worthy. So I sat down, and tried to resonate with the beat coming in.

But even after Melissa encouraged me to dance, it still felt artificial. We danced a little, but my body did not find a pleasant sync. It... ground through the whole time I asked it to dance, but I barely enjoyed any of it. Fake... forced... I sat down. Then I tried again, then sat down again. And again. And about two or three more times.

The last parts had slightly better beats, but by that time my body was too disappointed to continue. My body felt sad, depressed, let down. It was reminded of past sad times. Of times when I liked a girl to splinters and wanted to dance with her, but neither did she want to dance with me, nor did I have any concept nor technique to do so. Or just to talk to her. Of times of rejection - when I wanted to spend time with a girl, I wanted to hug her, kiss her, and she would barely even tolerate my eye contact. Of my college attempts to reset my high school deserted social pattern with no success. Of times when I was asked for help on classes by a girl, and my heart would jump with such excitement, would create future worlds in an instant, and my whole self would devote to helping her, before finding that all she offered back was hurried gratitude. I always had a desire to help, a healthy layer of altruism that coated my shy, estranged need for care. A bitter seed I would never reveal. Not to others, to avoid showing myself as pathetic. Not to myself, for its taste would sting my face and eyes, and shed my useless tears.

I remembered the lonely afternoons at home, climbing the walls and the roof, trying to get as far away as possible from anyone else, painfully desperate for a private space to cry out loud. I remembered my awkward walks across and around so many dance floors, past so many attractive girls, when the music actually invaded my body but my shame would not allow it to dance. Self-restrained desires, lengthy remorse, helplessness about everything that seemed to matter. I felt sad and isolated again.

I had not felt thus in some time now. I'd gone at least a solid 18 months without feeling this. 6 months I received care and attention from a person, then 8 more months from another. Real care, happy times. But not lasting. That gets into another story. Then 4 more months, during which I focused on work, trips, and a few small transitions.

I had half-assumed that after receiving as much continuous care as this, my past sadnesses would've diminished, or even disappeared. And it has been so long now - I thought that time had allowed me to accept, heal, and move on. Alas, feelings do not obey reason. They remember all too well, and it seems that, unless there are emotional experiences very different from the ones I've already experienced in my 30+ years, time will sporadically bring me these episodes from time to time, always reminding me that my adolescence was awkward, painful, socially curtailed, and that I will never have the chance to go back and make it better. I will always keep the memory of a time of wasted potential, when I could've developed my self in drastically better manners, in ways that would not leave me aching to know, even now, how to properly establish a meaningful rapport with someone, anyone, even with people with whom I seem to get along amazingly. In ways that would allow me to speak up my feelings raw, even if only to close friends, instead of having to first coat them in thick, cold layers of objectivity. In ways that would perhaps now allow me to have *some* friends close to me. In ways in which perhaps I would prefer to keep on living every day with exciting goals, happy to build and create something, instead of always eventually coming back to the feeling that my life is already screwed up and cannot be fixed, despite the material evidence to the contrary (feelings do not obey reason), and secretly hoping that a soon, quick, and painless death would befall me and get me out of this freaking mess.

But I have you, words. I had missed you.
What say you?
What I feel.
Thank you.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

India 20th

Nuestro última día aquí. Pensamos tomar el bus mañana temprano a las 6AM a Periyar, Madurai, y de allí, si hay tiempo, tomar el tren de las 6:40 a Rameswaram. Llegaríamos poco antes de las 11AM, y tendríamos tiempo para buscar información, encontrar hostal, visitar la punta de tierra hacia Sri Lanka. Podremos ver el sol ponerse allí, y tal vez leer una parte apropiada del Ramayana.

Mientras, mis ansias de encontrar Internet han disminuido. Estoy aquí porque sí, y estaremos en algún otro lado luego. Los específicos no importan tanto, pero con objetivos claros como los que tenemos, podemos averiguar los medios en el camino. Haciéndolo con cada paso.

Aquí realmente cada día es igual. Mantras a las 5:15, mantras a las 6:00, Yajna a las 6:30 (es bonito tirar los palitos al fuego. Swaja!), desayuno a las 7:15, mantras a Vishnu y a Lalita a las 9 (con las palabras más largas que he visto, que aún en sánscrito intento seguir). Satsang a las 10:30 (pero nadie va), meditación a las 12. Almuerzo a las 12:45, Satsang a las 14:30 (tampoco ocurre), meditación a las 16:00, Bhajans a las 16:30, té a las 17:15 (y qué rico té), arathi a las 18:00, mantras a las 18:10, cena a las 18:40, y Satsang (éste si ocurre) a las 19:15. Lights off a las 21:00 (pero las cosas siguen funcionando).

Siento calma, aunque también letargia, tal vez por el calor. El clima está realmente generoso; las nubes han cubierto el aire de calentarse mucho casi todo el tiempo, excepto ayer por la mañana, cuando mi papá secó nuestra ropa recién lavada. Todos, incluso el clima, han sido generosos con nosotros aquí.

Mi papá sigue sin comer, pero muestra mucha más energía que la que yo. Impresiona. El es muy especial.

India 19th

Mukthi Nilayam

Estoy acostado en la cama cómoda del cuarto #16; un delgado colchón con patrón de flores de colores encima de una plataforma simple de metal, de algún latón, pintado de verde oscuro. El ventilador gira furioso sobre nosotros y la brisa generada es fresca, más tal vez innecesaria; el clima nocturno está fresco y seco bajo la luna casi llena. La cortina de franjas coloridas a la par de la ventana abierta con cedazo va y viene, como permitiendo respiros del cuarto mismo.

Mi papá lee su libro prestado, hojas empastadas entre cubierta naranja plástica transparente, sobre las cuevas de Patal Bhuvaneshwar. Lo disfruta en muchos niveles. Conocimos al autor, aquí en Mukthi Nilayam, el lunes, al llegar. No sabíamos que había visitado las cuevas, y cuando le preguntados sobre ellas, nos contó que tenía un libro sin publicar que tal vez podría prestarnos. Que si no sabíamos que él mismo lo había escrito, ni que él conoció al más reciente descubridor de las cuevas, un militar de apellido Taylor. Dados estos recientes descubrimientos, junto con el hecho que pensamos ir hacia las cuevas nosotros mismos, mi papá está inmerso en un tobogán de emociones y anticipación que le insta a contarme citas específicas de él cuando encuentra algo que lo emociona.

Mañana es nuestro quinto y último día aquí en Mukthi Nilayam, y este poco tiempo ya me ha hecho sentir más calma y claridad. El silencio en la meditación permite sentir serenidad, y la convivencia en bienestar abre mi sonrisa y alegra mi percepción de las personas.

No hemos conseguido acceso a Internet, como Wi-Fi o Sim Card, pero eso se ha vuelto una prioridad secundaria. Mi papá y yo nos hemos entendido en que estamos aquí, y no sabemos qué va a pasar, pero ambos estamos contentos así, y haremos lo mejor posible por pasar un buen tiempo y aprovechar muy bien el viaje juntos.

India Tren 16th

Voy montado en un porta equipajes del tren. El aire está fresco, aseado por la lluvia, ventilado por tres ventiladores sobre mí.

India 16th

Chennai fue una experiencia algo distinta a la que esperaba. Urbanamente: la ciudad menos cosmopolita, más abandonada (o con aire de tal). Abandonado no es la palabra correcta. Tal vez diré sucia y con aire de pobreza, aunque no me debería sorprender tanto.

Era Domingo y encontré poco comercio abierto. No es cierto - habían comercios abiertos, pero no encontramos SIM Card. Comimos McDonald's, caminamos por la ciudad, y un tuctuc nos dio un paseo por la ciudad por 1000 rupias, regreso al aeropuerto incluido. Luego avión a Madurai, sesión de preguntas con el Terminal Manager, taxi, y cuarto de hostal. Y aquí en el #121 de New College House hemos estado, salvo unos minutos anoche cuando salimos a comprar jabón. 5 rupias.

India 15th

Sobrevuelo el área de Chennai, esperando aterrizar. Pocas veces he visto un área con tierra tan árida. Y aún con su escasa vegetación, este es un jardín en comparación a las llanuras inmensas de polvo que separan a Delhi de aquí. Sin separaciones naturales ni accidentes que distinguieran el terreno, una tierra homogénea, si no fuera por los angostos caminos que la cortan.

Veamos a Chennai.

India 14th

Me encuentro viajando con mi papá en la India, buscando frescura, un alivio de la inagotable rutina en la que me zambullí desde hace más de dos años. No pretendo que tal viaje sea una solución, ni única ni periódica, a tal estilo de vida, que de cualquier modo no pretendo perpetuar. Pero dos años viviendo así no validan mi argumento más que mis ansias de una vida nómada, que poco a poco se acerca más a un recuerdo que a un deseo, a pesar de lo que me digo, de mis optimismos silenciosos, en los escasos momentos que me permito tiempo a mí mismo.

Aún así, siento una esperanza de encontrar alguna guía en este tiempo. Sea interna o externa, sea que sólo pueda ser interna, busco un faro que guíe mi barco, que por ahora sólo flota con la marea, e ignoro su potencial. Guíame, Vida. Ayúdame. No quiero dejarte ir.

India 25th

25 de mayo, 2016

Relax.
Or that I want to do.

These past few days have been awesome.

On the morning of the 21st in Rameswaram, we packed our bags and walked out at 10am to find milk. On the way to the trusty store that had bags of cold milk just like my dad likes it, I also found a SIM card place. The "1GB" that the SIM card I was sold supposedly had was exhausted after 120MB (so maybe they meant 1Gb?), so I needed a recharge. Luckily, I found an unlimited 2G data package during 28 days for 199 rupees, so I asked for a 210-rupee balance recharge in order to buy it myself, and have some leftover balance for any reason. But I saw the guy kinda stumble with what I was telling him, so I told him "I'm buying the 210 rupees so I can buy this package", and showed him the option on my phone. By that, he understood that I ALSO wanted the internet package, in addition to the 210-rupee balance. So I ended up paying 409 rupees total, though I only wanted the 199 data package. It worked great, though, and it was only $6 total, so it wasn't bad at all.

Then after buying and drinking a half-liter of nice cold milk each, we began walking to the train station in the wrong direction. 5 bearded men sitting on the sidewalk (or the shambles of concrete that resembled it) called at us, and told us to go in the other direction. I guess it was pretty clear we were foreigners and that we were headed to the train station, but their immediate candidness and helpfulness was a delightful surprise. We confirmed with them that the railway station was the other way, thanked them, I waved my head in Indian nodding style, and walked the right way to the station.

70 rupees and an hour later, we sat on the train back to Madurai, squeezed in between a family with 3 kids. They had extended out two dresses on the luggage racks, so we couldn't jump up there and lay down throughout the trip as we did before. Instead, we sat down on a bench next to the father and the older kid, and we stayed there for 5 hours. More people gradually came into the train and began shoving everyone to make space for themselves. There was some palpable tension and a few words in Tamil spoken in argument, but eventually everyone seemed content enough and seated.

Having internet access on the train made it much more informative. We found out that the place with the Naadi readings was closer to an earlier train station, so we got off at that one. We took a TucTuc there, and while we were heading there, we got a call from Mr. Kumar, asking us when we'd be there. "5 minutes", we said, and he agreed to cater to us then.

We waited for about half an hour in a small office until Mr. Kumar was able to attend us. In that time, my dad and I looked around at the Hindu god pictures all around us, and tried to identify them. We saw Shiva and Parvati in several forms, Durga also, and Vishnu, Lakshmi, Saraswati, Ganesha, probably Gayatri, and also Kali, sticking her iconic tongue out, about to kill Shiva. I readied a voice recording app on my phone to have my own recording besides what he offered to record for me, and talked with dad about what we were going to hear.

When Mr. Kumar came in, we listened intently. He brought in two long and narrow wooden slates tied to a collection of dry palm leaves cut up in the exact same shape with some rustic string on their four corners. There were some very neat and very unintelligible markings in black, similar to pencil, on the leaves, 5 lines of such in each leaf, top to bottom across the narrow side.

Right then I began recording, and he then explained to me what was going to happen. He was going to start recording and telling me what the Naadi leaves said. He would then give me a CD with what he recorded, and if I wanted to know anything in more detail, we could then request other specific cantos about my life (e.g. wealth, family, love, etc). We nodded at most of it, and then he began talking. The prediction itself is in the 50min recording.

After the reading, as most soothsayers I know by person, he said that to ward off specific problems later in life, I would need to pay him N thousands of rupees for him to pray and dedicate a specific copper thingy for me, and then I'd need to wear that for all of my life. He also said I should pay 3800 rupees (or 3008, I didn't quite get that) for them to do a Pooja for me, and so that... I don't know... to ward off something else or something. I was ready to respectfully deny his offer, but my dad suddenly was enthused about the whole situation, and he said we'd do it.

- "How much is 3800 rupees?", he said.
- "About $50-$60".
- "Oh, that's great! Let's do it!"
- "We don't have 3800 rupees".
- "But I have dollars!"
- "You only have $100 bills.
- "That's fine! This is for you!" And he smiled at me warmly.

I did not deny him, so we did the Pooja. Mr. Kumar opened up a side door to a hotter room (ours had A/C), and he said they were getting the Pooja ready. A few minutes later, they asked us to go in.

The room was probably about squarish in shape, but the large center of it was completely taken by an altar made of either adobe or stone, filled with circular and rectangular slots of many sizes for candles, bronze and wooden thingies, pictures, flowers and herbs, incense, and a thick smell of many fragrances I couldn't have distinguished if I'd tried. There were narrow hallways around the altar that made its way all around it, lined with pictures of various gods along the wall. It was a cocktail of pure hindu altar paraphernalia, and the sudden change in temperature added to its "shock" effect. The pooja was pretty much like this: 1) Mr. Kumar told my dad and I to do something. 2) We did that thing. 3) He and his helpers did stuff, like circle a candle around god pictures, throw flowers and plants on us, or rub red stuff or gray stuff on our foreheads. The instructions, as I remember them, went something like this:

- Pray to Agasthya.
- Take this candle over here and put it over there.
- Take this other candle over here and put it over there.
- Pray to Agasthya.
- Walk around the altar, touching the god pictures on each wall.
- Pray again.
- Put money in the little bronze jar ($100 + 8 rupees)
- Pray again.

Praying on demand seemed overtly??? artificial to me, but I didn't think much about questioning their protocol during their ceremony. So at least I closed my eyes and thought of good stuff. He then asked to take a picture of us, but I didn't quite like the idea, so the picture was taken only of my dad and he, next to the altar.

My dad asked to take a picture of the Naadi leaf, so they brought the leaf back, and I took a picture of it. It was clearly a different leaf than the one he had showed us before (the first writings seemed almost function-like - no two points on the same line were positioned along the same vertical, while in the second leaf, the markings were "almost" character-like, but they looked like they "wanted" to be either latin letters or Tamil characters, but neither of them very much so. Quite certainly incredulous about at least part of what they had told us about the leaves and the "prophecies", but happy to have my dad so happy about the experience, I took a picture of the Naadi leaf, received a paper package with my zodiac and a CD recording of my reading, and asked for a TucTuc to take us to the Madurai train station.

So we went to the station, bought our tickets to Bangalore for 280 rupees (9 hours in a night train for $2 per person!). We still had about 4 hours before our train left at 23:50, so we walked out to see the Meenakshi temple, apparently a big attraction in the city, several blocks long and wide, only about 6 windy Madurai blocks away.

On the way, we saw a mishmash of shops that sold all kinds of stuff, bordering the muddy, weakly-lit, heavily over-used streets we stepped on. Even at the short distance it was at, we asked for directions once to guide us on a turn we weren't sure about when we reached a dead end.

Once there, we saw the enormous west gate of the temple - a colored horde of stone (or clay) statues piled up on top of each other in some symmetric fashion, easily 30m high. The security for the temple was fairly elaborate - it had a shoe holder, a TSA-like conveyor belt for our backpacks, a luggage holder for the stuff they did not allow (like our entire backpacks), and a complete external wooden hallway for people to walk through, a metal detector entry, and as foreigners, we were asked to provide passport information. Way more than I thought justified seeing a temple, but like at the airport, we followed protocol and went inside.

The temple was indeed spectacular. It looked rustic and ancient - the external wall surrounded a large square courtyard about 50m wide, and there were entire families staring at the 20m tall walls and columns, ornamented in bright colors or left in gray stone.

A further entrance on the southern side crossed the inner walls, which led to an area with a tall golden column on a stone altar, in the middle of a fenced-off area, next to a kneeling stone cow. This center altar was surrounded by a myriad of stone statues, most of which I did not recognize. Many of them were lion-like, boar-like, that of a lion eating a serpent with its penis fully on display (the lion's), and one could tell that some statues were not made with a cookie-cutter - each one of them had slightly different attributes - eyes slightly more apart, more teeth than the others, paws on its face, and so on. This temple was distinguished by its bright colors. Whether old or new, I could not tell. A few minor carvings of a dancing Shiva were also visible among the walls.

As we walked around, we saw there were areas only available to Hindus. Not only one, but several. The inner area itself was very large - we walked all the way around it, we saw rooms around us that looked like specific houses of worship for some god or another, some kind of library, altars tucked into tight niches, Hindus holding active ceremonies and chanting right there and then, and a large statue of Ganesha (or of some form that looked pretty close to it) of which pictures of were "strictly prohibited". We lost our sense of direction within it within it a few times, and by the time we managed to find the temple exit, we were on the other (eastern) side of the temple. Confused but content, we walked barefoot around the temple to the western side to pick up our shoes and backpacks.

My dad seemed tired, so I looked for some cold milk for him to drink. I could find none. The closest I found was the nut-based Badam milk, but he refused it (so I drank it instead). We walked back to the train station, but my dad seemed tired, so we stopped at a restaurant on the way back. It was pretty crowded, but two guys invited us over to their table, so we sat down and dined with them.

We weren't really hungry, so we ordered 2 lassis (because they did not have milk). The two guys ordered a full meal, with potatoes, lentils, naan, spices, and such. They seemed young - early twenties, casual - just two guys having dinner on a Sunday night.

They knew English pretty well, so we were able to have a full conversation. They were two medical students interning in Madurai. The chatty one was from Chennai, and the other was from Rameswaram. We told them we'd been there that same morning, and the first thing they asked was "Did you go to Dhanushkodi?" Encouraged by the question, I said "yes! That's what we went to see there, actually!" And we told them the full story of our walk to the end of the stretch of land, including our run-in with the police, my dad's tiredness, the beautiful stretch of land and sea, and how we found milk over there, but couldn't find it anywhere in Madurai. They said that indeed, milk was not a common thing for people to buy or sell in the area. Hot milk only, but we'd already seen and tried that on the streets.

Then my dad told them we'd be visiting the Patal Bhuvaneshwar caves up near Nepal, and they suggested a few other temples among the area. They mentioned one where a goddess supposedly was being chased by a hunter who wanted to rape her, so she climbed up to the top of the hill and prayed to a god (I think Shiva?), so he came down and killed the hunter. And so they built a temple there, end of story. Then my dad told them about his passion for India and for their great epics, and how he was looking for the Hrisavana, the story of Krishna's childhood. The guys mentioned the book was about 2000 pages long, and my dad just said "well, I just want to find it somewhere, and look at it!". And we kinda left it at that.

After pleasantly saying goodbye and paying our owed 105 rupees for 3 lassis, we walked back to the station and waited for our train to Bangalore. When it arrived, my dad said "let's get in as soon as it comes", so that's we did. To our pleasant surprise, this night train had sleeping bunks within a room kept cool by an A/C system - 3 beds stacked on each spot. As the first ones there, we each took one at the bottom, and pleasantly took our shoes off and lay down.

A few minutes later, a lady walks in and says "can you switch with me? I have a baby.", so I climbed up to the second bed tier and lay down there. A few minutes after, the train starts moving, and the ticket inspector comes in and talks to us, so we give him our ticket. He looks at it, and shakes his head negatively, talking to us in Hindi. He looks at my dad and me, and he tells us these are reserved seats, and that we have unreserved general seats. That made more sense, since our tickets had been as cheap as they were. So we packed up our stuff, put on our shoes, and began walking down the train wagons to the end, where the unreserved area was.

We must've walked at least down a dozen wagons, from A/C sleepers to non A/C sleepers to A/C chairs to non A/C chairs, finally to a wagon closed off with a metal gate, where we found a bunch of people lying on the floor, stretched out as best as they could in the meager space. We found some space right beside the toilets and sat there with our backpacks for about an hour, until the train stopped at a station and someone came in there, telling us all to get out of the train into the general section.

So we tried doing that. Our backpacks with us, we walked towards the end of the train, towards which other people were running. We were puzzled by it only momentarily. The wagons we were supposed to board were brimming full with people - sitting, standing, laying down, crammed against each other within the wagon, and about a dozen people were piled up outside the door, doing their best to push their way in, while the ones inside did their best to keep their own space intact enough for a bearable 9-hour overnight journey.

Those speaking Hindi and without luggage had little chance of getting into the crowded wagons, so us English-speaking foreigners with sizable backpacks could hardly expect to get inside. So we asked a platform officer what to do. He said "next train, three fifty", and walked away.

It was about 1:30am in Didigul Junction, and we weren't the only ones in that situation. Plenty other groups of people lay down on the middle of the platform floor, sprawled out, their stuff scattered around them arbitrarily, fully asleep. "When in India", we thought, so we found an empty corner to lay down on, set an alarm for 3:30AM, and went to sleep.

Well, my dad did. I tried for a bit, but began to feel uncomfortable. There were mosquitoes around us, and I tried to cover my bare arms by pulling them into my shirt. That left my chest uncovered, though, and my head laying on the concrete began to itch for some reason. Maybe it was purely psychological, but the thought of fleas creeping all over me didn't quite let me relax to fall fully asleep.

I guess it was good that I stayed awake, though, because with the internet connection I had, I checked up on the train schedule for our station. It turns out the officer had said "three fifTEEN", not "three fifty", as at that time a train in the same direction would reach our station. So I added an alarm at 3AM in case I was right, and tried to relax.

Next thing I knew, the 3AM alarm was waking me up, people were still laying around and walking around the platform, but there was a bit more movement going on. I looked around, played with my phone for a bit, and suddenly I heard a train approaching. People started getting up, everyone seemed excited, including those I *think* were also trying to board the earlier train. So I woke my dad up, we picked up our bags, and just got into the first passenger-looking wagon that we found. Many of them were also pretty packed, but one of them said "luggage", though it had benches and passengers inside it, so in we went. There were a few old people, a few men, a woman with a bunch of children, and a lot of empty space! We grabbed two empty facing seats, and looked around to see whether people told us to leave for any reason. They were fine, though.

Then one of the ticket people comes into the wagon and asks us stuff in Hindi. We respond in English and show him our ticket, to which he goes outside with another guy, and they discuss something about it. Then one of them tells us something like "station, you... next station, ten kilometers", gesturing distances and stations with his body. We say "ok ok", not quite knowing what he meant, get back in the wagon, see that everyone's OK with it, and stay there.

We weren't sure what their comment meant. Were we supposed to get off at the next station, which was situated 10km away? But the next station came and went, nobody told us anything, and the train kept rolling on. A little internet research later, I realized that the station we WERE GOING to arrive at initially (Bangalore Cantonment, written on our ticket) was NOT reached by the train we were in. THIS train would arrive at a station called Khrisharajapuram, 10 kilometers AWAY from that station. But for our purposes, that was peanuts. We just wanted to get close enough to Bangalore to catch a cab and move around the city.

And so we did. We changed our seats for empty overhead luggage racks, on which we lay on for the 9-hour duration of our trip. Nighttime disappeared as we slept the hours away, and I woke up to the steady sound of the rolling train and wind, along with the voice of a few children talking excitedly, and a few men's voices in the adjacent section, as they played cards. The wind was warm and fresh on my entire body, flowing right through the open barred windows.

Somehow we had changed, in a single night, from laying in premium but tight A/C sleepers, to the other end of the train squeezing amidst other sleeping people next to the toilets, to sleeping on a small station's platform at 2AM, to sleeping on a perfectly comfortable luggage rack for 9 hours, delicious wind refreshing us on every kilometer of the trip, and making our destination all the same. It was a magnificent ride.

I took a few pictures of the hurrying landscapes and the people around us. The mother was particularly colorful. She wore a yellow saree with a pretty pattern, simple and worn. Her kids around her seemed 7, 9, and 13 years old, and they mostly slept and watched the landscape move in between brief periods of talking between each other. What they talked about, I have no idea.

She opened up a large bag underneath and poured yellow rice from a pot into disposable aluminum plates, of which she had about 30 in a stack. She gave one to each of the kids, made one for herself, and they ate it by scooping the rice with their hands. I didn't notice, but they probably used their right hands.

The kid about 9 years of age asked me, gesturing, if he could join me up in the luggage rack. I said "yeah, come on up", so he climbed up and soon we were both sitting there, talking to each other about all sorts of stuff.

Unfortunately, I didn't speak Tamil and he didn't speak English, so we quickly got stuck. I managed to tell him my name, and he me his: "Evnuth Kumar". He wrote it on my notebook in latin letters, and I wrote mine as well. I tried to get a little more traction by using Google Translate to tell each other stuff, but that kinda failed. I translated a few basic things about us to Tamil, and he just read it, seemed to understand it, but couldn't really reply to it. So I found out how to use Indic languages on my phone, used Tamil, and asked him to write some. He tried to use it, but he was not familiar with the keyboard layout I had set up, so he couldn't really use it. In the end, all he wrote in Tamil was his own name (which didn't really translate to anything else), and then he seemed uninterested in doing anything else. He climbed back down and kept looking at the land.

Eventually we reached Bangalore at 12:30PM, and headed straight to our destination, Google Bangalore. The map mentioned it was 2km away, so we thought we'd walk it, rejecting all the TucTuc drivers offering us a ride. About 200m later, though, we realized that Bangalore streets weren't all that walkable. There was no noticeable sidewalk at all, and even the tightest corners of the street were all used by squeezing motorcycles and TucTucs. So when another TucTuc driver offered us a ride, we just took it for 100 rupees and told him where we were going. He began heading the other way, though, so I told him "hey, we're going over HERE", showing him the map. He then went "Oooooh! Oh ok, I know where that is, no problem".

He then made a U-turn right then and there, and drove in the opposite direction. Exactly where we had come from. Against traffic. And he did that for about 2km worth of a heavily transited street, all the way on the right, frequently swerving to avoid incoming motorcycles and other TucTucs. It was just like in the movies, but with less gunfire and swerving car crashes. What impressed me most was the reaction of the people coming towards us. No shouts, no gestures, no angry vibes. A nonchalant stare was all I saw from one of the motorcyclists. We weren't doing anything special. We were just driving the wrong way on a major artery during pretty heavy traffic.

Eventually he got on the "correct" side of the street again, and drove us to Google Bangalore. He told us it now cost 200 rupees. I said "hey, we did not agree on that". He argued something about police and other way, but I knew it was not our fault he had gone the wrong way in the first place. I wasn't really upset, though - he did a great job avoiding the traffic, and he did get us there fast. I was going to propose a counteroffer of 150, when suddenly my dad shouted at him in an *angry* tone, and said "NO! BAD! YOU DO NOT DO THAT, SIR!" And then he signed a cross at him - the kind that people do, sometimes jokingly, to ward off evil or vampires. It was a bit shocking to see him react so violently to such a small situation. He angrily said "just pay him, come on, let's go!". So I just took out what I had from my wallet, but I could only get 170 before I got to the 500 bills. I was going to take that out, but the driver was OK with that, and drove off.

Now Google Bangalore was a nice stop. I dug up my badge from my backpack, and that one thing hanging from my belt, despite my messy greasy hair, long unkempt beard, sweaty shirt, baggy pants, and large backpack with a plastic bag hanging off of it, was reason enough to get my dad and I inside.

The corporate complex we entered was clearly an elite, westernized area. Au Bon Pain, World Gym, and the Google logo were just unmistakable evidence. We climbed up the steps, went up to the Google building, went to the third floor, and had lunch at the cafeteria. Then we booked a room for 5 hours, grabbed coffee, milk, and pastries from the micro kitchen, and settled into our room.

That stop was a savior. That last night we had learned that the Indian train system had reservations, and that they seemed essential to guaranteeing a spot in the train. The tickets we had bought so far were unreserved tickets, and did not guarantee a spot at all. They allowed one to get into the unreserved wagons IF there was enough space, nothing else. We had another overnight train ride planned that night from Bangalore to Hyderabad, and another from Hyderabad to New Delhi that would take at least 22 hours. Booking reservations was essential to ensuring our arrival to these destinations on time.

So now with a room, a desk, electrical supply, a high-bandwidth internet connection, a whole day before the night train departed, a loose plan of our trip up north, and a micro-kitchen nearby, we got to work. We didn't quite know what we were doing, but at the end of our session, we had accomplished:

- Uploaded our pictures for the trip so far.
- Charged our devices.
- Ate and stuff.
- Emailed family and friends about our status.
- Successfully registered for an IRCTC account through the interface made for Indian residents only.
- Created a ClearTrip account.
- Wrote a list of possible train rides to take to get to Hyderabad and Delhi.
- Researched how to get to the Patal Bhuvaneswar caves.
- Mapped out trains from Delhi to Kathgodam.
- Decided on a plan and contingencies to get to the caves and back.
- Booked a train ride from Bangalore to Hyderabad, got waitlisted.
- Booked a train ride from Hyderabad to New Delhi, got waitlisted.
- Printed our (waitlisted) reservations.
- Replied to comments in a bug and checked up on a pending urgent task, plus relevant emails.

We guessed "waitlist" meant that our reservation on the train was not confirmed, but it was the best we could do at that point. My dad told me to get the 2-tier A/C sleepers (3-tier was too short to sit on), but even at that "premium" level, our two BAN-HYD and HYD-DEL reservations cost us about $30 and $60, respectively (for both people). No buyer's remorse.

After freshening up as much as we could and eating/drinking what we needed, we left the building and walked to the shopping mall on the other side of the street. The major artery reminded of me Blvd. Roosevelt in Guatemala, mostly because crossing it required planning out a path evading buses and motorcycles on our way to the other side.

The mall itself was a bit of a let down. We went there because my dad wanted to see some of those famed phablets that are not sold in the US. We couldn't find a single working mobile phone store, and the stores mostly focused on clothes, jewellery, and pharmacies. After wandering around for a bit though, my dad remembered he wanted a new soap, a comb, and a razor, so we got those at the pharmacy. We also bought 5 gel pens at the supermarket, and we left the mall as two satisfied customers.

Then a TucTuc took us to the train station for 400 rupees. Right after we'd agreed to the price, I remembered "man, I should've used Uber!", as it was one of the options in Google Search, and I'd never tried Uber in India before. It claimed to be half as expensive as the TucTuc, but we'd already agreed, so we took the TucTuc, and left the Uber ride for the next city.

Once at the station, I noticed I'd gotten a text message from the IRCTC confirming our two seats on wagon A-1, seats 4 and 6. So we got on the train, picked our seats, and rode from Bangalore to Hyderabad on the A/C tier for 9 hours. It was pretty comfy. I wouldn't say it felt as good as the night we slept on top of the luggage rack (THAT was refreshing), but we felt certain to get to where we were going!

Once in Hyderabad, I told my dad I wanted to try out Uber. So we did. And it worked great! The first one took us directly to Google Hyderabad. It took over an hour to get there, maneuvering and shuffling through heavy traffic all the way, and it cost $5.37. Given how shifty and windy and unordered the streets in Indian cities are, I'm honestly impressed at how well Google (and/or other companies) have managed to map out their routes so much in detail. Hats off to whomever's doing that.

Upon arrival at Google Hyderabad, I dug up my badge again and got us a room for the day. We ate and drank, used the bathroom, caught up on the status of our train for that night (we'd advanced a little on the waitlist), and sent out emails. I did a little more checking-up on work stuff, my dad read up on his Kindle. In the end, we found a fitness room and showers, so we were able to really freshen up and get dressed with new clothes, which made a nice difference. We even got to ride the slide set up in the office, which was a lot of fun.

After leaving the office, we decided to go check out a shopping mall closer to the railway station to find more mobile devices my dad might be interested in. So we took an Uber there, and again, found out that they had very few mobile devices on display. He looked at some of them, but then we quickly exited the mall and made our way to the train station.

We started walking and went into some electronics stores along the way. But when looking at the time, I realized we didn't really have that much time left, so we took an Uber to "another" railway station, and I proposed that we took a local train from there to get the train station we actually wanted to go to, as an exercise in local public transportation.

The Uber driver had trouble finding the place, but after some help from the locals, he managed to drop us off right in front of it. Once in the station, we crossed the overhead pedestrian pass to buy a ticket on the other side of the platform, and the lady there told us "other side" as her directions to catch the train. It was 21:32 then.

At that moment, though, we saw a train arrive on the "other side" of the platform, so we ran on the overhead pedestrian pass to catch it. We didn't manage to catch it, which worried us some, but we were reassured that some people had remained waiting on that side of the platform, plus the schedule said the train should pass by at 21:39. We decided to trust the schedule, so we waited.

So we waited, and 21:39 came and went. Suddenly it was 21:45, and my dad began to get worried. "What if it doesn't come? What if we miss our train to Delhi?" I told him it should come any time, but he wanted to verify. But the lady to ask was on the other side of the platform, so he would have to cross the rails again.

- "Don't go to the other side", I told him.
- "I'll just be a minute!", he shouted, and he climbed down onto the train tracks, walked across them, and climbed back up on the other side, so as to cross faster.

And then he disappeared into the station. Not a minute later, I heard the train arriving, and my dad was still inside the station, out of sight. Eventually he heard them too, and he ran outside, rushing to cross the tracks again and catch the train. What he did not see was that there was another train approaching from the other side as well, and it was dangerously close to the station already. He had one leg going down, when a guy on the platform yelled at him: "HEY!", and pointed him towards the train. My dad stepped back, looked confused for a while, then decided to run up the overhead pass. Our train was already at the platform by the time he had reached the top, but he kept running. Right as he ran down the stairs, I stood at one of the doorways to prevent it from closing, and waited for him to arrive. He reached the platform just in time - the doors were about to close. Once inside, we almost couldn't believe we were in, but we'd made it. He had not gotten run over, he had reached the train, and we were on our way to take our long ride to Delhi.

Frases célebres:

25 de mayo, 12:23:00, Amla Junction, Madhya Pradesh
Mira! Estamos en no sé donde!
Franklin

25 de mayo, 12:44:56, Betul, Madhya Pradesh
Todo aquí tiene contami... no... condimentación
Franklin

India 21st

Today my dad woke up at 3AM, cleaned the bathroom, took a shower, packed his bags, and woke me up at 4:30 so I could get ready as well. We were about to leave Mukthi Nilayam, after 4 lovely days staying there sharing their meditations, chants, and food.

We still managed to join the chants at 5:15AM, the chants at 6:00 AM, the Prema Yajna at 6:20, say personal goodbyes to Amma, and catch the bus to Madurai at a few minutes past 7:00 AM.

One colorful bus ride later, we were in Madurai, sitting down at a restaurant having breakfast. My dad asked for two rations of milk, and I drank Masala milk and had some rice with three kinds of spices. 122 rupees later and some bad directions from the shop owners to get to the Naadi reader, we were walking through some ceremonial procession. It had men hanging from hooks attached to their skins on their backs and legs, placed on top of a moving car, and some other men had long metallic bars, of about 5-6 meters long, pierced through both their cheeks. Other people wore colors of orange, green, and yellow on their skin, and walked along with them. Colorful indeed.

We walked about 2km through the winding streets, frequently missing the turn or taking it too early. We managed to get a SIM card along the way for 1200 rupees, though, and then I got 8000 out of an ATM to resupply us along the way. Then I convinced my dad to get a TucTuc and to have them help us get there today. It turns out we were walking towards the wrong place. The TucTuc took us to the Nadii reading place - about 15-20km away, I'd say. The driver waited for us to finish to take us back, while we ourselves waited inside for them to finish some Pujja, then kind of bartered our way to "only" paying 1500 rupees for a single Canto reading, instead of the full 12+4 cantos at 1500 rupees each, plus the Mahasiva reading, 2500 rupees worth. 26500 rupees to supposedly know my entire future? My dad seemed less thrilled about it anyway, so we went with only the first Canto, he wrote down all my details on a piece of paper (dates, places, family members, relationship status, etc). It was like a Facebook profile on a piece of paper, plus my thumb print with purple ink. Supposedly there will be results to look at tomorrow.

We paid the TucTuc driver 800 in total for the ride there and back, plus the waiting. Once at the railway station, we got our tickets to Rameshwaram for 70 rupees, and we got in the train. It was about 12:15 by then.

At 12:30 almost-sharp, the train took off, and we found cozy overhead beds on the luggage shelves above the usual benches. Both my dad and I fell asleep. About 2-3 hours later, I woke up and started pacing our wagon up and down. We were crossing the bridge to Rameshwaram at the time, and the ocean water splashing against the rocks and platform, sparkling as the bright beach sun hit it from all angles, was a very pretty sight.

We arrived at Rameshwaram at about 4:30PM, at which time we walked out and found a TucTuc. He asked us where we were going, and we said "Dhanushkodi", since that's the only name that our low-res map has for the end of the piece of land left from the bridge that once joined India and Sri Lanka. The first TucTuc said "oh no, that's closed at 5PM", so we kept on walking. The second offered to take us to Dhanushkodi beach and back for 600, and we agreed. When we got to the beach, he said he'd wait for us for about half an hour, then we'd go back. My dad was adamant that we wanted to walk all the way to the end, though, and the driver didn't completely refuse it. He just said "I wait half an hour", while we said "we'll need more, at least two hours", and left it in that ambiguous state. That was at about 5:30PM.

3 hours later, we had walked past beautiful sunset and full-moonrise along a single long road, bordered by the splashing Indian Ocean on our right, the tranquil Bay of Bengal on our left, and remnants of houses, churches, temples, water tanks, and other buildings, whose desolate state we attributed to the effect of the Tsunami we apparently remember from a few years back. This road took us to Dhanushkodi - a fishing town - and beyond, past a sign that said "NO ENTRY", but at which the seeming gatekeeper told us it was OK to just walk by. So we walked past it, and the road just kept going, several times after we thought it looked as if it was almost ending. It took us past the end of the paved road, past the end of the gravel road, past the end of the packed mud road, past a completely sandy section to another mud road, and finally onto a beach at the very end, with nowhere else to go but into the sea. Perhaps we were hoping the bridge to Sri Lanka had already been completed. But it wasn't, so we would have to go back to Rameshwaram all the way.

We thought we would take our shoes off, splash around in the water a little bit, perhaps perform a few chants or prayers honoring the significance of the place (if not only its uniqueness), but we couldn't quite get to it. Just as we began thinking about how we should honor the moment and the accomplishment, we saw a white flashlight pointing in our direction, and slowly getting closer. My spidey sense triggered when I saw three seemingly-organized men, apparently fishermen, walking tentatively in our direction. They barely spoke any English words, but the dialogue, from our perspective, basically went like thism (hindi dialogue intentionally made up):

- "Chiku tanta ladla pladesh" (what the heck are you doing here?)
- We came walking from Rameshwaram, and we wanted to see the end of the road (gesturing to the near sea).
- "Tata li plaj chaku. Where you go?"
- Well, right after this, we're going to walk back to Rameshwaram (with finger walking gesture).
- "Now? Late, no taxi."
- That's ok, we'll just walk back to Rameshwaram.
- (They kinda look at each other, a bit puzzled, not quite believing us. Points to one of our plastic bags with a stick). "Pakila. He?" (What's in the bag?)
- Oh, we just have sandals (pointing to our feet). You know, to put on our feet.
- "Padukas!", my dad adds shouting, though I'm not sure which language that word is in. "I just want to put my feet at the end of the Hanuman bridge! Just a minute!", so he takes his shoes off and walks into the sea; begins chanting towards the full moon.
- (I open up the bags and show them. I show them the sandals and the towel inside).
- (They point to my backpack with the stick and kinda look like they want to open it). "You have biscuits?"
- I'm a bit puzzled, thinking they might be hungry, but we have no food. "No, we don't have any food (gesturing lack of capability with shrugged shoulders, shaking head, pursed lips, and upward palms). I think we have sugar. Do you want sugar?" (They don't seem interested at all).
- "Takela kamla lahala he. You, back to Rameshwaram?"
- Yes yes, we can go back now. Papi, ya nos regresamos?
- Sí, ya! Sólo dejame ponerme mis zapatos.

So a few minutes later, we're walking back on the road, but the three guys are kinda circling around us, between us, but I'm not sure what they're trying to do. If they wanted to rob us, they could've easily done it while we were standing at the end of the beach. But they just kinda hovered among us, a little intentionally annoyingly. Eventually my dad did get annoyed and told them "you, walk first, and we walk later, ok?", while we took a few steps behind them. They kinda looked at each other, and I thought his proposal was ill-timed, considering their apparent mistrust towards us (and relative overnumerousness). Luckily he then said "or maybe better, we walk first, and you walk later". That seemed better, and they let us walk on a bit faster than them. Then they could always keep an eye on us, if that's what they wanted.

So we walked ahead for about 5 minutes or so, at which point a short man with a thick mustache and also a fisherman's attire approached us pretty stealthily with some kind of bamboo stick, and stopped us on the road, telling us "hello, can I see your IDs please?" Still riddled with mistrust, I reluctantly showed him my passport. He said "I'm part of secret police", and I thought we had walked into a more complex situation than we were aware of. He asked us a few questions, verified we were from the USA as our passports said, then slid off into the night. He came back once more to ask us some other questions, then slid off again. Then one more time, and I wondered whether he was just verifying what we had told them, or was somehow looking for some kind of tip money - for letting us go or something. In any case, the third time he slid off for good, shouting "Go America!" or something, and we continued walking.

We still walked for about 10 more minutes, and I mentioned how a very tall cellphone tower we had seen on the way there was still not even visible at all. We both felt ready to walk the whole way back, but after a little while, an orange light began heading towards us, and out came 4 people, all of them excitedly asking us stuff, but this time in English (with marked indian accents).

It turns out the TucTuc driver whom we left waiting, who I had almost assumed had simply left after we didn't come back for hours on end, had notified the police about us (or they had found him), and they'd come searching for us. I recognized the driver only when he said, in a worried voice: "I told you, you walk only half an hour on the beach! I wait for you, and what time is it? It's past 8! I wait for you long time, police come!"

What we did not know at the time was that the place we were in was an area known for smuggling. Not sure what or whom was smuggled there, but we were at that time suspects for smuggling. "You're here at night, but it's forbidden! You come with us, we make a police enquiry!" Only at that point I understood what the faux-fishermen along the beach were doing. They were poking our bags, looking for smuggled goods (drugs? weapons? Dunno), but they didn't really need to open them, since they were relatively small (carry-on size).

I was understandably concerned that this situation might pose a problem for the rest of our night, but my dad seemed ecstatic. "We can ride with you back in the TucTuc? Oh, thank you, thank you!" And so we did. The police people asked us questions on the way back, mostly about where we were from, and what we were doing there, but they seemed almost certain we weren't smugglers at that point. Still, they eyed us with suspicion from time to time, and one of them told us "Sir, you shouldn't be out here at night. You should think of your own safety! Own safety!" I thought he was saying "unsafety", but now I get it.

We reached a first checkpoint, where the police people dismounted, and we were left with the driver and another guy I didn't know, who had been asking questions about our salaries back in the US. After we reached the point where the TucTuc driver had been waiting for us (about 15km away from the end of the road), the police people appeared again (apparently they just got into another car and followed us), and took all our pictures a few times. Me alone, my dad and I, then the driver and both of us. Apparently the driver was a suspect as well. Luckily though, the police wanted nothing more of us, and they dismissed all of us, at which point the TucTuc driver took off, back towards Rameswaram town proper.

When we were heading back, the driver complained for a while. "I'm in big trouble sir. Tomorrow I have to go to the police and make a declaration. My car, my license, I don't know what they'll do, sir". I was suddenly quite taken with the driver's point of view. No one had done anything wrong, but suspicion could cause him to get into some kind of blacklist. My dad was just plain happy, though. The TucTuc came back! This is a blessing! I told him "I'm concerned about the driver". He said "nah, come on, he just needs to make some kind of declaration. Just give him like 200 extra for the time". I thought his nonchalance was pretty rude to him, so I thought I'd just give him what he asked for.

Which was 1200 rupees. 1300, if we count the initial 100 we put in for "petrol". I thought the time and worry he used on us was well worth that. He dropped us off at an area with several hotels, and we ended up staying at Anandha Lodge. 700 a night for two people, bed well-big enough for both of us, and spots to charge our electronics. It even has a color TV - not that we use it. The place has a big fan and a white neon light, both of which stayed on for most of the night. Not a bad deal.

We're leaving Rameswaram today on the train at 11:50AM, and going back to Madurai to get the results of the Naadi readings. Afterwards we're training back all the way to Delhi if we like the timing of it, and if we can still have 3 full days left over staying at the Patal Buvaneshwar caves. Otherwise, we might just fly it back.