Pixels

Connection
Share
Love
Friendship
Look
Smile
Evade
Hand
Hold
Hug
Touch
Avoid
Standard
Status
Stability
Money
Maybe
Vulnerability?
Ask
Tell
Allow
Open
Show
Pause
Feel
Shame
Sprout
Dissolve
Clear
Objection
Pride
Sufficiency
Strength
Attempt
Insist
Explore
Acquire
Far
Alone
Lost
Sad
Stay
Wait
Same
Spur
Search
Reach
Fail
Repeat
Miss
Hope
Doubt
Now

Words.
All these are just words. And these as well. We do not feel words. We feel feelings. Mixed, amorphous, shifting, complex webs of intermingling thoughts and emotions to which words are like pixels to a painting. blue blue blue magenta orange blue blue blue white black black white white black orange magenta teal black black blue blue blue greenish blue. Informative.

But they do communicate. It's our latest communication tool common denominator. Most of it, anyway.

But... vulnerability. Vulnerability is not weakness.
I saw that video last night, and I'm still assimilating its implications. I'd like to write more about it when principles and thoughts are done shifting (or comfortable being analzyed).

Teepee Morning

My body spread out its intention across my whole self as I woke up this morning, and it desired to feel its worn muscles and unused tendons across itself.

So I followed its will, or perhaps my heart's will, as it stretched in all the directions it willed, and I felt its powerful breath fuel it and relax it, and helped it to shape, so gently, into ways it truly desired.

Upon waking up from a wonderful experience of intimacy with my body, I opened my eyes and found a man sitting down, smiling up at me, and he said he had enjoyed watching me do yoga and/or Chi-Gong or Tai-Chi, and that I did it at maybe 85% (of what Yoga masters do).

He spoke to me of his home in Shaston, and of the river Peet (I think?), close to Mt Shasta, all the way north to the Oregon border.

He spoke with very well chosen words, sometimes taking some time to think of the right word. I found it mildly strange, but he then told me that one side of his body was paralyzed, and so sometimes he had trouble talking, and he was re teaching himself to read and write. He showed me the Dr. Seuss book he was reading.

He told me he was a Native, and he was teaching himself to speak and write again so he could go to Washington DC and speak to the politicians.

Spirit (thumb), body (pinky), communion of both cause wholeness.

Five prayers: tears, singing songs, dancing, living and helping in community, and heart.

I showed him some poems from Full on Arrival, and we exchanged contact information.

Magical.

Rainbow Wake

My body spread out its intention across my whole self as I woke up this morning, and it desired to feel its worn muscles and unused tendons across itself.

So I followed its will, or perhaps my heart's will, as it stretched in all the directions it willed, and I felt its powerful breath fuel it and relax it, and helped it to shape, so gently, into ways it truly desired.

Upon waking up from a wonderful experience of intimacy with my body, I opened my eyes and found a man sitting down, smiling up at me, and he said he had enjoyed watching me do yoga and/or Chi-Gong or Tai-Chi, and that I did it at maybe 85% (of what Yoga masters do).

He spoke to me of his home in Shaston, and of the river Peet (I think?), close to Mt Shasta, all the way north to the Oregon border.

He spoke with very well chosen words, sometimes taking some time to think of the right word. I found it mildly strange, but he then told me that one side of his body was paralyzed, and so sometimes he had trouble talking, and he was re teaching himself to read and write. He showed me the Dr. Seuss book he was reading.

He told me he was a Native, and he was teaching himself to speak and write again so he could go to Washington DC and speak to the politicians.

Spirit (thumb), body (pinky), communion of both cause wholeness.

Five prayers: tears, singing songs, dancing, living and helping in community, and heart.

I showed him some poems from Full on Arrival, and we exchanged contact information.

Magical.

River Meet

Life only happens once.

Today Hope came to the river with me this morning as I aimed to wash my feet in the river.

She was beautiful, long haired, fair skinned, and had a gentle pose.

I took my clothes off, hung them on a log, and bathed in the river.

I made a full vinyasa yoga breathing cycle within the water, and came out fully wet.

She asked me about my scar, and I told her the story about my accident and the broken bones.

She offered to help me and teach me how to massage my shoulder so I could dissolve that scar tissue into muscle again.

I very excitedly agreed, and we found a nice sunny spot beside a sunny log, where I lay down over her towel, and she lovingly gave me a massage. First on my back, then on my side. Her touch was intentful, gentle, and soothing. As we did so, she also waved bugs away from my body, and I felt gratefulness spring from my heart, wanting to hug her for it. But still I lay.

Then I told her about the meadow after kid village, and she was very excited to hear about it. After we basked naked in the sun, talking about the stories that brought us to rainbow, she proposed we walk up to that meadow, and I really liked that idea. So we got dressed again, and walked up to the meadow.

Through kid village, where we got ice cream and cake, and she gave me her spoon to eat the cake after she was done. And she gave it so beautifully.

Then up we walked, and we reached the meadow. And it was beautiful, a grassy path surrounded by trees and a forked trail, roofed by a gorgeous full blue sky.

She lay down her towel, and we lay beside each other, taking in the sun. I took my clothes off, and she did so as well. And so we lay naked there for a few minutes, as we talked.

Along the way, she told me about how she had learned so much about the relationships she's had in her life, and how she "graduated" from getting over the relationship with her mom in this last relationship. She also told me how she had just recently begun trying polyamory, and how it had liberated such a huge part of her.

While laying on the meadow, I told her about my own relationships in my life. Starting with Andrea, all the way to Colibrí.

After moving the towel back into the sun when it had moved, she asked if she could touch my body, to which I said "yes, can I touch yours?" And we began caressing each other.. Ever so slowly. She caressed my arm, I caressed hers. She caressed my leg, I caressed her side. I leaned into her face and smelled her, and she caressed her cheek against my nose. So slowly, our touches flowed. We found our hands. She found my leg, I found her breast. She found my balls and penis, I found her shaven pubis and gently caressed it.

We basked in the sun, the grass, the wind, and each other for hours. Every piece of her skin was silken to my touch, and she flowed to it very sensitively... she was very perceptive.

I loved how her whole body would wave to my triggers.. a scratch on the back, a pinch on her butt cheek, a rub within her... her head would raise, followed by her chest, and her abdomen, and they came down in that same sequence. her moves and moans were a delight at every moment.

We tasted each other, and she was delicious. We then lay around, position after position, wishing one of us had brought a condom with us.