(Nov? 2013)
Showoff. Onyx, you showoff. Showoff. You search for free spotlights, sneak into them when no one's watching, then focus on being watched, being observed, but act as if all is common and un-spolight-y. And to a high spotlight, too, so my self will incite curiosity, laughter, and perhaps some admiration. And I succeed at it. And my self craves it then.
But it does not crave the attention as much as the new, the shiny high, untried spotlight. Not because it's a spotlight, but because it's new, untried, brimming with untapped potential. I wish to ignite my spark with it, and I do, a little, with the help, the validation, the others provide of my "boldness"'s novelty and truth. True boldness, too - but now jaded with the association to humorous attention and glory.
But my self craves company: a shared spark. Who will laugh, not at me, but with me, as she delights in my games and joins me? Who will I rest my extant doubts and fears and insecurities on, and allow me to soothe her? Who will share my quest for joyful truth, for genuine bliss, for everlasting wonder?
Showoff. Onyx, you showoff. Showoff. You search for free spotlights, sneak into them when no one's watching, then focus on being watched, being observed, but act as if all is common and un-spolight-y. And to a high spotlight, too, so my self will incite curiosity, laughter, and perhaps some admiration. And I succeed at it. And my self craves it then.
But it does not crave the attention as much as the new, the shiny high, untried spotlight. Not because it's a spotlight, but because it's new, untried, brimming with untapped potential. I wish to ignite my spark with it, and I do, a little, with the help, the validation, the others provide of my "boldness"'s novelty and truth. True boldness, too - but now jaded with the association to humorous attention and glory.
But my self craves company: a shared spark. Who will laugh, not at me, but with me, as she delights in my games and joins me? Who will I rest my extant doubts and fears and insecurities on, and allow me to soothe her? Who will share my quest for joyful truth, for genuine bliss, for everlasting wonder?
