Scrotum thoughts

Jul 24, 2013:

An overdose of caffeine
an under of restraint
have me in bed turning, twisting
when I thought I'd be at rest.

My mind is restless, searching
but knows not what to think.
My body, hot and sweaty,
full to even water drink.

The ceiling, gradual shadows,
it dotes on my wide eyes,
who, drugged and anxious seers,
resist the silent dark.

Deep yawn surges impromptu,
reminding me of the time.
My belly answers with rumbles,
as it crumbles inner slime.

A moth explores the ceiling
defying gravity
much like the witch from Wicked,
but smaller, and here with me.

And as I scratch my scrotum
wondering my nightly fate,
I realize there is much cause
to rejoice and celebrate.

For I command a body,
powerful and unique,
which roams, feeds, breathes, lives, learns, and sees,
and can, what I choose, seek.

And as of late, it seems to have
sought farther than before,
though as of now I doubt that
it's a matter of keeping score.

For when looking backwards, I find
that one easily walks out of line
not to mention the stray of the mind
so aligned keep your sight and your way.

Look where you're going, when you do go,
but know, you need not always move.
There's journey in the stop,
like music needs silence to groove.

Do know there is much way to go,
and much beauty and wonder to see.
But above that and much other else,
There is much more you can be.

It might help to retrieve a saying
that knocks at my mind's door:
"A ship is safe at harbor, but
that's not what it's meant for".

Docked ship, look at your tight knots,
then look out to the sea,
and ask yourself what you most will:
sailing or docked ship be?

If you will sail, then set your course,
and stretch that creaky wood.
Gather your hopes, loosen your ropes,
and then just go, for good.

Despite this maritime metaphor,
which could stretch hours on end,
my eyes now bow to nighttime,
and my mody will no more pretend.

So I bid a grateful "Bis Morgen"
to my room, my context, and time.
In the realm of my mind, no turning
of a wheel mandates my design.

Riding with Jami

(Written sometime mid-July)

Times.

Journal.

What's happened?

Ah, the times. That so-called illusion that feels pretty real at most Nows. What's been going on?

The last time I recorded my steps was on June 23rd, back in Chimayo. What’s happened since then?

By that time the novelty of farming was a little worn, and I was itching to change again. By this time traveling to France with Trinity was no longer an option, and my options were to either fly to Kathmandu to volunteer as an English teacher in Kathmandu along with Echo, or to drive somewhere. I was smitten with the thought of sharing an epic adventure with Echo, and I told her how I felt. Her manner of response was warily polite though, so I realized that she didn’t quite share my excitement. With that in mind, Asia became a less attractive destination for the moment, and I began wondering where I could drive to.

But I had no particular destination in mind, so one night I went onto Santa Fe’s Craigslist Rideshare section to find popular destinations. I thought that as long as I was going somewhere, I could help someone else move. I found many people wanted to go to the “Rainbow Gathering” in Montana. I thought “Huh. What is that?”, so I looked it up. The Wikipedia gist of it was:

Rainbow Gatherings are temporary intentional communities,[1] held in outdoor settings, and espousing and practicing ideals of peace, love, harmony,freedom and community, as a consciously expressed alternative to mainstream popular culture, consumerism, capitalism and mass media.

As I skimmed through several articles and websites about the Rainbow Gathering, I realized that the event basically gathered open-minded people into a single park/forest area, where they all lived together without the burden of artificial constructs like money, power, or modern technology. To me, it sounded like Burning Man without an entrance fee, so I was hooked. I emailed one posting, texted another, and waited for an answer.

The girl I texted called me back the next day. Her name was Jami, she was in Santa Fe, and was looking to get to the Gathering ASAP. She seemed to be an experienced Rainbower, and as we talked on the phone and she described the event to me, I became excited, and decided to go for it. We set up to meet Saturday afternoon in Santa Fe for a personality sync check, and to leave Sunday early morning. I told Adán I’d be leaving the farm as soon as that weekend, and thanked him for everything.

On Saturday morning I packed all my stuff and said my goodbyes. I said goodbye to Marisela, Josh, and Tyler - everyone else was out for the day. I said goodbye to my cabin, wrote down a quick entry of intentions, then drove off with Myo the Geo as my steed. Jami waited for me at a bookstore in downtown SF, and that’s where I met her an hour later.

Round face, stout figure, short hair, short stature, and a happy smile with crooked teeth - that’s how I saw her. I sat down alongside her, and she told me what she knew about the Rainbow Gathering - that it was a mixture of all kinds of people, that most of them were well-intentioned, but that some of them mostly went only to get drunk and high, or were “vampires”: people who didn’t help but rather only drained others’ positive energy and resources. It made sense to me, and as I shared with her my thoughts on how people live and could live, and how I thought the potential of each person was best developed as he/she looked at others as other versions of him/herself, she told me she thought I’d like the Rainbow Gathering very much. Encouraged by her comments, I became more excited, and we discussed our possible routes up to Montana on a 2013 Michelin Road Atlas she had bought.

Earlier that day she had met a band of musicians that were performing down in Madrid, NM, and told me we should meet early next morning. I was surprised about this, as I thought we would spend the afternoon talking more about the Rainbow Gathering and get to know each other better. Regardless, I saw her get picked up by a band of musicians. I didn’t have much to do in SF, and as I’d be driving all day the next day, I booked a room at the hostel and spent the night.

The next day I met Jami at a nearby motel. It turns out she had met a very nice guy, about 55 years old, who offered her the extra bed he had in his room. She spoke very highly of him afterwards: “He reminded me of my dad - he treated me like a perfect gentleman”, “He is just so nice!”. We promptly drove off on I-25N, and we talked about random topics - how she lived in Austin with her mom, how she decided to just travel around the country, and my own stories to share. She told me that a sleeping bag was essential if I was going into the Gathering, so I responded to a few Craigslist ads in Denver, and thought to make a quick stop to buy one there.

About 80 miles up the road, I saw a guy walking up the freeway in the same direction - long hair, unkempt beard, big backpack on his shoulders. “He’s probably going to the Rainbow Gathering too”, Jami said as I stopped the car on the shoulder, hoping to be able to give someone else a boost. The guy began running up to the car, excited to get a ride, and once close by we talked:

• “Where are you going?”
• “Rainbow Gathering”
• “All right! We’re going there too. Come on in...”

The guy managed to stuff his backpack and his longboard into the back seat, and I watched him warily, having never really picked someone up like that. His vibe seemed slightly grungy and anarchisty, but his intentions seemed quite genuine, so we drove off. I spent the next five hours rolling towards Denver, while Jami and Reddy (or Ready) talked and seemed to connect eagerly. I felt a little cast aside from the conversation (as I’d been talking to Jami until now), but it was fine - they had both been to Rainbow Gatherings and were both experienced travelers and hitchhikers. I picked up on a couple of tips: Texas is terrible for hitchhikers, and it’s very feasible to just walk and hitchhike across the country if one has the patience, body endurance, time, and equipment (tent/tarp and sleeping bag). There must have been other topics, but I recall little else now.

After driving through a stormy downpour, and barely seeing the road with terribly worn windshield wipers, we arrived at Denver, and I met a man selling a sleeping bag for $15 at a mall parking lot. The black mummy-style bag, built to endure down to 25F, was in excellent condition - it had only been used once by her daughter-in-law, and since she had disliked the camping experience, he was selling it for a bargain. I gave him money, he gave me the sleeping bag, and we both drove off. We then found a laundromat on the other side of town, as Jami wanted to wash her clothes, and Reddy had a friend to visit in Englewood. A two-hour stop later, we kept driving up north. Jami and Reddy told me I seemed too tired to drive, though, and Reddy offered to help with the driving. I agreed after a bit of persuasion (I thought I wasn’t tired, but I kept slowing down and getting distracted), and I took the passenger’s seat. I saw us cross the Wyoming border, then fell asleep and woke up at a rest area past Cheyenne, WY. We found a nice secluded parking spot, and after hanging out at a bench, them smoking pot, burning incense, and sharing experiences as I listened, we set up our sleeping bags on the nearby grassy area, and spent the night.

Monday July 1st began sunny and bright for me, as the sun woke me up at around 9AM.

**Never finished, for some reason I can't remember anymore...**